The Dark Tower series filmed adaptation

**Lookwhoitis** · 08-02-2017 04:03 PM

so the dark Tower film is being promoted by..... ARBY's?

https://www.facebook.com/arbys/

Let me guess:

Fade In: A Gunslinger walks into a bar past a devil-grass chewing hobo. Hey Jude is playing on the piano.

There on the bar sits a Roast Beef Max plus a side of Potato Cakes (gleaming and lit in an art-house film fashion).

Gunslinger asks bartender for a milkshake. "I'd Like a Jamocha shake with that"

Bartender: "Sorry, the milkshake machine is not working... all the cows died from eating devilgrass. That's why we had to cobble that sandwich together using the dead donkey you rode in on, what was left of the town's dogs, and a few rats we scrounged up from the cellar. I can serve you a shot of whiskey in this cup though..."

Bartender holds up Arby's cup for the camera.

Close up on gunslinger's face. A quizzical look morphs into one of rage.

Gunslinger shoots everyone in bar dead in giant gunfight scene. Curly Fries, Blood, and and Surprise Face Patrons litter the floor.

Gunslinger stops his slaughter before killing the piano player who is sitting there fish-mouthed with his hands frozen over the keys.

Gunslinger: "Keep playin... while I eat"

Piano Player breaks back into song. Gunslinger picks up Roast Beef Max and begins to chow down like he hasn't eaten mystery meat in a month of Sundays.

Fade out on Arby's Logo and a cartoon image of the Gunslinger wearing a Giant Cowboy Hat. I mean GIANT, almost half as tall as he is. Spaghetti Western Jingle plays...

PRODUCER'S NOTE: WE CAN'T AFFORD THE RIGHTS TO "HEY JUDE." GET ME THE LATEST BIEBER, GAGA, OR KATY PERRY SMASH HIT!

i have a sneaking suspicion i might feel like I do after I eat an ARBY's after I view this Movie

Disclaimer: I enjoy the taste of an ARBY's (and eat some from time to time) I just do not prefer what they do to my gastro-intestinal system

**Bev Vincent** · 08-02-2017 04:21 PM

I saw the movie last night in Bangor -- was embargoed from discussing it until just about now. My review should be up at CD Online tomorrow.

**mae** · 08-02-2017 04:28 PM

Originally Posted by Bev Vincent

I saw the movie last night in Bangor -- was embargoed from discussing it until just about now. My review should be up at CD Online tomorrow.

Overall thoughts in 140 characters?

**webstar1000** · 08-02-2017 04:40 PM

Originally Posted by Bev Vincent

I saw the movie last night in Bangor -- was embargoed from discussing it until just about now. My review should be up at CD Online tomorrow.

Bev can you say if you liked it or not?

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**needfulthings** · 08-02-2017 04:48 PM

Is the CHARLIE THE CHOO CHOO book in the film?

**CyberGhostface** · 08-02-2017 05:01 PM

Originally Posted by Lookwhoitis

so the dark Tower film is being promoted by..... ARBY's?

https://www.facebook.com/arbys/

"I'd want a sauce that didn't look quite so much like come, myself, but may it do ya fine."

Although looking at their facebook it seems like the interns are having fun, there was a Twin Peaks reference a while ago for example.

**Bev Vincent** · 08-02-2017 05:30 PM

I didn't see Charlie the Choo-Choo. I'm also not sure I saw the "lobstrosity" in the Dixie Pig which was in earlier footage, but there was a lot going on in that scene.

My tweet-friendly review: I liked it A LOT. They took the books apart and put them back together in a new and interesting way. The heart and soul of the books are here.

I plan to see it again tomorrow night at 19:19

**Lookwhoitis** · 08-02-2017 05:36 PM

Originally Posted by Bev Vincent

I didn't see Charlie the Choo-Choo. I'm also not sure I saw the "lobstrosity" in the Dixie Pig which was in earlier footage, but there was a lot going on in that scene.

My tweet-friendly review: I liked it A LOT. They took the books apart and put them back together in a new and interesting way. The heart and soul of the books are here.

I plan to see it again tomorrow night at 19:19

good news

**CyberGhostface** · 08-02-2017 07:55 PM

Reviews are coming in.

https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/the_dark_tower_2017/

At 21% now. Think it'll get down to 19?

**BuctherOfTull** · 08-02-2017 08:31 PM

Originally Posted by CyberGhostface

Reviews are coming in.

https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/the_dark_tower_2017/

At 21% now. Think it'll get down to 19?

Sigh... I may end up personally boycotting Sony movies from now on. Even Spider-Man. Oh well I'm still going to see it. But it will most likely be the LAST time I give Sony pictures any more money.

**CyberGhostface** · 08-02-2017 08:32 PM

Anyone wants a pretty spoilerific rundown...

http://www.tracking-board.com/the-da...ong-character/

EEEEEEEEEE!!!!

**Tommy** · 08-02-2017 08:45 PM

**needfulthings** · 08-02-2017 09:04 PM

And NO Charlie the Choo Choo tie -in either?

.....

**Tommy** · 08-02-2017 09:25 PM

Originally Posted by CyberGhostface

Reviews are coming in.

https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/the_dark_tower_2017/

At 21% now. Think it'll get down to 19?

18% now....

**CyberGhostface** · 08-02-2017 09:59 PM

Originally Posted by Tommy

Originally Posted by CyberGhostface

Reviews are coming in.

https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/the_dark_tower_2017/

At 21% now. Think it'll get down to 19?

18% now....

Doh!

**Lookwhoitis** · 08-02-2017 10:07 PM

http://uproxx.com/movies/the-dark-tower-review/

http://www.indiewire.com/2017/08/the...ba-1201861528/

http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/rev...-tower-1026375

Dog's Breakfast ( i knew it! )

**CyberGhostface** · 08-02-2017 10:12 PM

Have to say I expected a 40% RT rating. Wouldn't have guessed we'd be hitting below 20%...

**Lookwhoitis** · 08-02-2017 10:12 PM

Originally Posted by BuctherOfTull

Originally Posted by CyberGhostface

Reviews are coming in.

https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/the_dark_tower_2017/

At 21% now. Think it'll get down to 19?

Sigh... I may end up personally boycotting Sony movies from now on. Even Spider-Man. Oh well I'm still going to see it. But it will most likely be the LAST time I give Sony pictures any more money.

go pay for a good film (Detriot, Dunkirk, Baby Driver, ect) then afterwards sneak into the Dark Tower screening for free.

**Lookwhoitis** · 08-02-2017 10:14 PM

Originally Posted by CyberGhostface

Have to say I expected a 40% RT rating. Wouldn't have guessed we'd be hitting below 20%...

even VALERIAN is at 51% on RT.

The only summer movie the Dark Tower might be able to beat is the Emoji movie

**Tommy** · 08-02-2017 10:21 PM

Well, it's still higher than Maximum Overdrive (17%), Thinner (16%), Graveyard Shift (13%) and Cell (11%).

**georgiesarm** · 08-02-2017 11:57 PM

Apparently my three favorite scenes from the 2014 script,

Spoiler:

, are not in the film. I kinda considered these important set pieces to bring that The Dark Tower atmosphere, especially since the movie promises to give us so little from the books. Add to that the poor reception from critics and audience so far, and this is just setting up for a major disappointment.

I fully realize I shouldn't judge the movie before seeing it, but on the other hand, doesn't it feel like this should've been much bigger than a movie? It could have been a lifetime event for us fans. Instead it came by one random week in August with little fanfare and will be quickly forgotten.

In a way, I most of all pity the director. He says he grew up with The Dark Tower. Loves it. But can he ever pick up the series again and enjoy reading it?

**Merlin1958** · 08-03-2017 12:03 AM

Originally Posted by georgiesarm

Apparently my three favorite scenes from the 2014 script,

Spoiler:

, are not in the film. I kinda considered these important set pieces to bring that The Dark Tower atmosphere, especially since the movie promises to give us so little from the books. Add to that the poor reception from critics and audience so far, and this is just setting up for a major disappointment.

I fully realize I shouldn't judge the movie before seeing it, but on the other hand, doesn't it feel like this should've been much bigger than a movie? It could have been a lifetime event for us fans. Instead it came by one random week in August with little fanfare and will be quickly forgotten.

In a way, I most of all pity the director. He says he grew up with The Dark Tower. Loves it. But can he ever pick up the series again and enjoy reading it?

Spoiler:

**Sai Sheb** · 08-03-2017 12:37 AM

Kings films rarely get good feedback, they just don't get it, so let's not PANIC just yet... How am I kidding, PANIC, they fucked up! But I'm still going to see it.

**herbertwest** · 08-03-2017 12:58 AM

So far, it's 7.6 on the IMDB ratings

**webstar1000** · 08-03-2017 02:19 AM

Originally Posted by BuctherOfTull

Originally Posted by CyberGhostface

Reviews are coming in.

https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/the_dark_tower_2017/

At 21% now. Think it'll get down to 19?

Sigh... I may end up personally boycotting Sony movies from now on. Even Spider-Man. Oh well I'm still going to see it. But it will most likely be the LAST time I give Sony pictures any more money.

Why cause some reviewers said it sucked? Our own King Guru Bev Vincent just said it was great. Don't be a whiner and give it a try!

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