Nerak, that was pretty good. lol
Nerak, that was pretty good. lol
Three nuns go to Heaven and meet St. Peter at the gate. St. Peter asks the first nun if she has any sins to confess.
The nun replies "I touched a man's penis once."
"Not to worry," says St. Peter. "Just wash the hand that touched it in this bowl of holy water and your sin is cleansed."
The third nun then taps the second nun on the shoulder and says "Do you mind if I gargle before you squat over that?"
It'll take a lot more than words and guns,
A whole lot more than riches and muscle.
The hands of the many must join as one.
And together we'll cross the river.
Puscifer, "The Humbling River"
Woofer, Laughed myself out of the chair
A blow job is 1% urine, 2% hair, 3% cum and 94% other bitches pussy
Humpty Dumpty was sitting on the wall while Little Bo Peep was giving him head. She knew by the taste that he had been fucking her sheep.
A man and his wife get into a bad argument and start giving each other the silent treatment. THis goes on for a week because neither of them want to be the one to give in and "lose".
After a week, the man realizes he has an important business trip and needs his wife to wake him up early in the morning. Rather than asking her and thus, losing, he writes her a note: "Big business trip tomorrow, please wake me up at 5 am".
The next morning he awakes aware that it is late, he looks at the alarm and it is 9 AM! He couldn't beleive she didn't wake him, but when he looked to her side of the bed he saw a yellow post it note "It's 5 AM. Wake up."
YOU MUST CHILL. I HAVE HIDDEN YOUR KEYS.
What's the difference between a Scottsman and a Rolling Stone band member? The Scottsman says "Hey MacCloud, get off'a my ewe!"
Did j00 know Micheal Jackson is adopting? I heard about it on an Amber Alert announcement
(This is gonna be terrible).
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No idear?
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no idear?
*pa-dum-dum*
“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”-Mark Twain
Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me....Anything can happen, child. Anything can be.
-Shel Silverstein
What do you call a dog with no arms and no legs?
Doesn't matter, he isn't coming anyway
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?
A stick
The kindness of close friends is like a warm blanket
http://www.joecartoon.com/cartoons/1..._no_legged_dog
a man walks into the oval office and says "Mister President, ten Brazilian men were gunned down by terrorists"
The president says "how many is a Brazilian?"
Larry LaPrise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Pokey" died peacefully at
the age of 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him
into the coffin. They put his left leg in, thats when the bloody trouble started...
BEEP BEEP Richie! They ALL float down here. When you're down here with us, you'll float too!
Q: Why do all the ladies love Jesus?
A: Because he's hung like this.
*holds arms out wide*
Q: What's better than winning the Special Olympics?
A: Not being retarded.
Q: What's the difference between a fridge and a gay man?
A: A fridge doesn't fart when you pull your meat out.
“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”-Mark Twain
Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me....Anything can happen, child. Anything can be.
-Shel Silverstein
I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.
BEEP BEEP Richie! They ALL float down here. When you're down here with us, you'll float too!
I blew my wad all at once. I got nothin'. Except this lame one:
What kinda cheese isn't yours?
NACHO cheese.
(It's so retarded and yet, I laugh every time.)
“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”-Mark Twain
Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me....Anything can happen, child. Anything can be.
-Shel Silverstein
That was cheesy and corny like nachos
Hope these don't offend.
What's the difference between a vaccum and a Harley...
Dirt bag is just in a different place
What do Hurricanes and a red neck divorce have in common?
I don't know, but someone is losing a trailer.
The kindness of close friends is like a warm blanket
I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah, I thought "he's trying to pull a fast one"
BEEP BEEP Richie! They ALL float down here. When you're down here with us, you'll float too!
here's a couple DW jokes i leik
What goes bang, thud, bang, thud, bang, thud, bang, thud, bang, thud, bang, thud, bang, thud, bang, thud, bang, thud, bang, thud, bang, thud, bang, thud, bang, thud?
A Time Lord committing suicide.
what does a catholic dalek say?
EXCOMMUNICATE!!!!
lol Those are pretty bad, I love them!
BEEP BEEP Richie! They ALL float down here. When you're down here with us, you'll float too!
While reading the DT the other day, Eddie made a joke and I cracked up laughing. It's terrible, yet I still laugh.
Q: Why did the dead baby cross the road?
A: Because it was stapled to the chicken.
I can't help it.
A NEW GAME BEGINS
never gets old!
Did you hear about the hooker that had an appendectomy?
She started makin' money on the side.
“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”-Mark Twain
Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me....Anything can happen, child. Anything can be.
-Shel Silverstein
man goes into a bar, where he sees a monkey with a sign that says "for sale: 10 thousand dollars" the man asks the bartender why a monkey could cost so much?
"well," says the bartender, "this monkey gives the best head anyone has ever experienced, its unreal. Have a try, if it do ya"
the man took the monkey in the back room and came back 5 minutes later with a check for 10 large. he takes the monkey home.
the next night, his wife comes home to see a monkey in the sink doing dishes. shes goes to ask her husband why this is so, and he replies" honey, i know i told you that you gave the best head i've ever had, but this monkey is way better"
"ok," she says dissapointed, "but then why is it in the kitchen doing dishes?
the husband replies, "well if it can do the dishes and my laundry, what do i need you for?"
hahahaha