Listen up, you screwheads and serial killers, here is a man who would not take it anymore, a man who switched from renting movies to netflix. There is no way one could stop me from leaving right now to go to mars and stop the spider horde from breeding and infecting my brain like a swine flu on a summer camp. The spiders are burrowing further and further into my brain, killing what is me and replacing it with a drone that has an insatiable thirst for Coca0-Cola. This is my last plea for help. I don't know how much longer I can hold off the spiders.But they want to enslave us from the inside out, make us all happy campers that eat and sleep and laugh without anything to ground us in the horrible reality that is slowly beginning to replace what we call normal life. Slowly and subtly. There;'s no way i can hold out. When you read this, i will be a hollowed out shell of a human being, or what a human being once wazs. Sppiderzz uizz takin my brainssaz. I cand talk much l;onger..... AARRGFJHAGYCDF<BSJDKFLHJNFKSDHF.


Send help. Quickly. There isn't much time until CSI spinoffs become the most exciting part of your day.