Llamalady Poetry

[LadyHitchhiker]

Flirting With Denial (6-16-11)
Grasping at straws
losing my self
not knowing the cause
putting love on the shelf
Instead of pity
I'm understood
but I don't feel any less shitty
or any more good.

Where did I go?
I lost me;
The rhythym to go
the love to just be.

I don't mean to be demanding
but I need more
I try to be understanding
but I need more
(I make no sense)
I worry about someone being enough for me
(I'm so dense)
when I can't be enough for me?

I'm sick of this rollercoaster
this downward spiral
maybe I can get better
if I quit flirting with denial.

[LadyHitchhiker]

7-1-11 Secret Admirer?
Today I saw a man looking at me
REALLY looking at me
It seemed out of his control
as if my beauty and my kindness truly touched his soul
almost with pain, his eyes so tender
that is the look from my partner I've always wanted to render.
i sigh laboriously now while I'm alone
wishing there was a man, with which that much love I could own
See, this man, I know not his name
but it was so refreshing to be appreciated, even if I'm not ready for love games.
I didn't allow myself
to get sucked under his spell.
He caught my eyes, with them, urged me to stay
but I tore my eyes from his, for I had more work to come that day.
Maybe next time I'll feel stronger
and let him look a little longer.

[LadyHitchhiker]

6-30-11 Brand of Cruelty
I knew you were special from the moment I saw you
what I didn't realize, well
is that after I saw you
I'd be up, down, inside out
hanging from the ladder's very top rung
on a rollercoaster, ready to shout
at the top of my lungs.

Every part of me has changed
since we met
I've become even stronger
as of yet.
No one will recognize
me after what you put me through
and all the lies
you'll save and reuse.
(Recycle, reduce, reuse)

I knew you were special
from the moment we met
Didn't realize I'd go through hell
and it's not over yet.
In a few months I can
simply be
free
to be
me.
Free.
From your brand of cruelty.

[LadyHitchhiker]

7-1-11 No Redemption

I thought I was in love with you
once upon a time
I thought I'd found a soul mate true
to truly claim as mine
The time has passed
the feelings faded
I realize you're an ass, a sociopath
but rather than be spurned
I'll take this as a blessing
that I might have finally learned
a might huge lesson
some people just aren't nice
and I don't think I have to mention
more than once or twice
that for some there is no redemption.
I'm not the one to blame
for you being mean
it doesn't make sense to have shame
when you would never let me be me.
I never did anything mean enough
to deserve you cruelty
and now I know it wasn't love,
I can simply be.

[LadyHitchhiker]

7-1-11 Realization
Made bad decisions
once or twice
fought derision
sin and vice.
Walked through fire,
Blood and rain
After all that's transpired
I wait for the pain to fade.

Made a left turn
should have made a right
watch me get spurned
by Aphrodite
cuts me through
just like a knife
Welcome to my
crazy life!

Defeated
I was misunderstood
couldn't make the bad times
into anything good
I'm complicated
but yet still not fated
to being simply jaded
from not being a wife.

if the contract
hadn't already been broken
I'd retract
all the truths written or spoken.
But if you had just been a real man
Tried to understand
Love and not command
Just think of how little would have wrecked my life.

Now I hear that you've become unstable
drink others under the table
and freak out at work.
I can't lie
it makes me feel happy
that you don't try
to feel less crappy.
You reveal that you're a sociopathic jerk.

But I finally learned that it can't all be my fault
and I may have been burned
but I won't keep my heart in a vault.

And I'll save myself
for someone who will cherish
me for myself.
And I'll save myself again for marriage.
Because for me, that is how love is spelled.
That's, to me, how love is really felt.

[LadyHitchhiker]

7-1-11Effort

Enthusiastic
Full
Force
Ostentacious
Romantic
Trial and perhaps triumph
(if you put in enough effort)