words, jumbled up and so on...

[Jon]

Nice theme in breaking up your thoughts. You displayed the feeling of a lack of security by violating the very first line :

"i need the words to be seamless,
unbroken."

[smcicr]

Thanks Jon, appreciate you taking the time to leave a comment.

This is a little different, I saw a friends band - Hope & Social (not sure what the links policy allows in this case but if you google the name it should come up) last weekend. They were celebrating the launch of their new album and asked everyone coming to write a 'prayer' that would be left - the ultimate idea being that one will become a song. Prayer was used in the loosest possible sense and didn't have to have a religous connotation. This is what I wrote...


i hope.


that the things you hear and read and see light fires in you
that you are just sad enough to be truly happy
that you are as strong as you need to be
and that you love too much

that you are lucky when it matters
that you are kinder than you have to be
that you are clever enough to know better
and wise enough not to be clever all the time

i hope you see the world in colour.

most of all though, I hope you are true to yourself.

[Jon]

"that you are just sad enough to be truly happy"


GREAT line!

[Jean]

that you are kinder than you have to be isn't that bad, either

[Jon]

Yes...many good lines.

I wish for more, dear poet.

[smcicr]

Thanks to Jon and Smokey Getting to the end of these now, the longer stuff has been taking over of late...


untitled


and so she asks me

'what's the matter?'

'are you cold?'

and i have to smile
(to myself)
in the darkness

i have no answer,
no explanation.

so i just lie there smiling,
holding her
and
shaking.

[flaggwalkstheline]

Thanks to Jon and Smokey Getting to the end of these now, the longer stuff has been taking over of late...


untitled


and so she asks me

'what's the matter?'

'are you cold?'

and i have to smile
(to myself)
in the darkness

i have no answer,
no explanation.

so i just lie there smiling,
holding her
and
shaking.

thats really awesome

[smcicr]

Thanks Flagg

Ok, just a few left now, I'm saving my (current) favourite for last so until then.



lonely


felt it again today,
it's not there all the time
just now and then.

like the leg i broke
that aches to tell of the coming storm.

only this is a different ache
and it speaks of
a different storm.

[Seymour_Glass]

I love the economy of your poems. They say exactly what they have to, no more, no less. That's really effin cool.

[Jon]

Yes Seymour...and difficult to do so well.

[smcicr]

Thank you both - very grateful for the kind words and just really glad you like them.

Of pool and as it happens, life...


metaphor


it is
simply
a
case

of seeing all the
angles

knowing
what
will go
where

and
being able to
put it
there.

[Seymour_Glass]

See? That right there is exactly what I mean.

[Jon]

Aye yup.

[smcicr]

Thanks guys - I'm looking for some input on this - very new, the ink is still wet on it if you like so I'm officially too close to it at the moment. Any and all thoughts please.


Bittersweet


These secret moments,
we embrace them,
hold them close.

We wrap ourselves in them
to deny the everyday.

They are sanctuary
yet we suffer them.

A singular smile,
hands entwined in the silent dark,
the solitary simplicity of a kiss.

Too much
and not enough.

[flaggwalkstheline]

I like it
It lacks (what I percieve to be) the extreme minimalism of ur other poems I've seen but it's interesting nonetheless

[Jon]

Perhaps it lacks the usual minimalism, but the simplicity is alive and well.