Prime and Crunishment

[Frunobulax]

Bracketed Illnesses
Finding the divide between heart and head,
A lost parable of the times gone through motions,
The area that lies in the section under bred.
An island in blood red oceans.
Tearing open the chalazion that blinds,
Damaging the Wernicke's area brutally.
Rebuilding all ties that bind -
Letting Broca's wither painfully.
Now the areas combine,
Voltronic mess of matter,
Emotions undefined
Or just lost in crosstalk patter.
Bracketed illnesses of the DSM
Clouded judgment of the flowing of the Thames
Fuzzy pretzel logic's fatal flawed filled end
Le morte d'Arthur ou ordinateur.

[Frunobulax]

Theoretical Malignancy
Charcoal gray lines crossfade gently over the urban skyscape.
The city is enveloped in a mire of fog and smoke.
Vibrant green and blue streak the sky, noxious fumes.
The freeway collapses and takes the task of killing dozens.
The theoretical malignancy of the cancerous growth of society -
It threatens all in its ever expansive wake.
Fighting to waveboard over the mess of ruins,
The lost souls gather around the last edifice of the previous ways of being.
The theoretical malignancy of change comes closer.
"The love of repetition is the only true love"
The mocking tone, the sickness of it all, the Sartrean know-how long gone...
It all went white.

[Frunobulax]

Gate/Release
Chop off the tail,
Lose balance inopportunely.
Attack? Wait some milliseconds...
Release. PULL.
Invert the phase, find where equilibrium lies.
Gatecrash, arrows fired ablaze.
Graze on the hill in gentle solemnity.
Release.

[Frunobulax]

Expectorate
Shunned by societal needs,
Dark wanderer forges onward.
Excelled at O levels
But never moved forward.
Living in a moon so blue
Waits for the sliver of silver light.
Sees the foul birds of prey...
Expectorates.
Shunned by careful needs
And so the dark one phases.
Shroud hides inability -
Lo, not a mask but a facade.
Living in a pit of hell.
Waits for the sliver of silver lining.
Shuns the Malebranche, sees the faces aims
Expectorates.
Pessimistic overtones mask the goodwill he brings.
Dark monk of death, see thee way.
Shuns the Luciferian threads, sees a way out....
Dissipates.

[Frunobulax]

On my blog I have the 5 worst albums of 2009. Read it.

[Jean]

Fruno, bears wish you would post something at last... we've been waiting for way too long, animals and people alike...

[woodpryan]

I've read the first five paragraphs of that first story and I am going to read the rest here in a sec. I wanted to say this before I forgot about it though. The first thing is his eyes. "the color of the sky on a cloudy day". The sky is more than one color on a cloudy day and, as the reader, i can not picture them. I feel that you should use a better analogy there or just state the color of his eyes flat out.
He seems to have forgotten everything that happened to him in the last (three days i suppose) few days. Whatever happened with his girlfriend and the fights. then he starts to suddenly remember everything. i think this is a little too sudden, so as to be unrealistic. it could be a simple thing, really, that makes him begin to remember, but something needs to happen: something he sees in the diner, something about the way the server ("waitress") looks at him, even a lipstick stain on the side of his cup. something. the last thing is that he doesn't remember for sure, his girlfriend's name. I think this needs to be made a little more believable. You should say something more about him not being able to remember that.
I love your detail. I never would have thought to make his coffee suck so bad. i probably would have forgotten to describe the sound of the forks and knives scraping (and irritating him). this puts me, the reader, in that diner with you. nicely done. also, your questions have intrigued me. now, as the reader, i want to know what happened and i want to read on.... wich i will now. I'm sure i'll have more things to say when i'm finished with the story.

[woodpryan]

ok, i'm finished reading that story now. Here are my thoughts, if you want them:
first, you can really expand on this thing. It all happens very quickly so that the reader feels like it was pointless. but it wasn't.... or it least it could be that it wasn't. anyway, Thomas doesn't have to remember everything at once. it can take him a long while to remember everything; just getting bits and snatches at a time. he remembers about his wife at the diner. then he goes to the hotel (obviously he can't go home) and on his way there, he remembers about the bar.
at the reception area of the hotel (Which would no be the late night window rather than the regular one, with it's bulletproof glass and little hole to hear the lady in there) he remembers the guy he killed. it's still pretty late at night (unless i missed a detail) so it's unlikely that he's on the news yet. It's also really unlikely that he would be on America's Most Wanted. The clerk is not going to react in that manner unless she is an utter moron. you should take it from there, making the reader almost like your bad guy and somewhat feel sorry for him when he gets caught. build his character up. he's a pretty interesting guy and he might be likable. If you have a second draft of this story, I'd love to read it. Thanks for posting. It got me interested. but it could have had me interested for a long time too. sorry if i've been too critical.

[Jean]

Fruno, where the fuck are you? Bears are losing patience.