Etiquette

[LadyHitchhiker]

So this is going to morph into the general etiquette thread, but here's what I'm going to start with:

So quick question:

my mother-in-law is getting married. She's in her 60s and has everything she could possibly want and there is no registry. So do I still get her a wedding present or is a card just okay?

Thanks for the ideas and the advice!

[The Lady of Shadows]

So quick question:

my mother-in-law is getting married. She's in her 60s and has everything she could possibly want and there is no registry. So do I still get her a wedding present or is a card just okay?

Thanks for the ideas and the advice!

ummm. "remarried" or married? if remarried, why isn't she just eloping like every other sane person in the universe? that's what we did.

okay, seriously. i guess the question is - do you like her? that makes a big difference you know.

[LadyHitchhiker]

She is remarrying... for some silly reason she thinks she should have a big wedding because he has a big family. Like 300 people are coming... But I agree. Why have a big wedding? my wedding was 10 people, tops.

See I would feel a lot more in favor or her and maybe getting a present for her if she hadn't borrowed 200 bucks from us and not paid it back yet. I mean I like her but I don't like the guy she's marrying. I don't trust him to do right by her. Like one time she was in the hospital and he left to go play darts with his buddies. She had to call us (we live 45 minutes away) to come pick her up because she's stranded at the hospital.

[mia/susannah]

I would say a small present and maybe a card. Does not have to be anything big but I am sure she would appreciate the gesture.

[The Lady of Shadows]

oh my. this does not bode well for the future i think. . . .

i would stick with a nice heartfelt card. that way he can't turn around and sell it later on for the cash. oh, that was mean wasn't it. i seem to be turning into a snapping turtle again.

[Nerak]

a card with a certificate for a gas station

That stuff is as good as gold lately! LOL

[Patrick]

She is remarrying... for some silly reason she thinks she should have a big wedding because he has a big family. Like 300 people are coming... But I agree. Why have a big wedding? my wedding was 10 people, tops.

See I would feel a lot more in favor or her and maybe getting a present for her if she hadn't borrowed 200 bucks from us and not paid it back yet. I mean I like her but I don't like the guy she's marrying. I don't trust him to do right by her. Like one time she was in the hospital and he left to go play darts with his buddies. She had to call us (we live 45 minutes away) to come pick her up because she's stranded at the hospital.

How about a nice Hallmark card and a little "forgiveness of debt"-type card from a Monopoly game.

[Daghain]

I was going to make the same suggestion, but Patrick did it way better than I would have.

[turtlex]

I'm going to advise you actually pose the question to her. She may want something donated in their name, or just tell you to forget it.

I think though, it's the right thing to give something. Unless specifically told not to, which doesn't sound like the case here.

[obscurejude]

Since she's asking for a big wedding, I suppose it makes sense that she's expecting gifts- they sort of come with the territory. The beauty in numbers, at least in this regard, is that if you get her something lame she's less likely to notice it or take offense. The fact she owes you money, well, I hoped you learned your lesson about doing that with family. I'm sorry, I've been in that situation. Best thing to do is to try and forget it, although I know its frustrating Liz.

[Letti]

Since she's asking for a big wedding, I suppose it makes sense that she's expecting gifts- they sort of come with the territory.

Yeah, this is the problem. You could draw something for her but if she is that type of person who prefers damn big weddings I guess she wouldn't be satisfied with a nice picture... (however handmade things are the best)

[LadyHitchhiker]

But I don't have to try and get her something big? I mean ... I would like to get her some sort of appliance like I got for my wedding, but she has all the appliances she could need.. and then some!

[alinda]

Do the bride and groom have any hobbies or interests
that you could foster? Something they do together that
you could give a boost? Say theyre into golf, you could
pay for a round at the best club around. Or maybe they
are gardeners...you could get them something to make
their work easier, some tools, or new plants they can
watch mature as their mariage does. I'm not very good
at this either am I? Sorry.

[LadyHitchhiker]

Ooooooooooh...... so I can buy them a plant... she has Christmas Cactus she really loves. Maybe I can find her something that's easy to take care of.
He does woodworking,
they both have cats
they both like snowmobiling but aren't allowed to do that by the doctor's anymore
she likes to paint
they like to watch movies...
they both play darts...

[alinda]

See? theres something in all that somewhere.

[ZoNeSeeK]

Lady: I think its correct etiquette for family to give a gift at a wedding, regardless of whether they say not to bother - even if its just a $20 bottle of wine or something

[The Lady of Shadows]

okay, so when is the big day? because i now bow to the crowd (baaaaa) and say what the hell get them something. if they really like plants you could get them a nice bonsai tree. (not the giant kind, the kind that sits in the house.) i hear people are nuts for those.

[LadyHitchhiker]

Well it's on Saturday...

[ZoNeSeeK]

Or do you have a great photo of you guys together you could frame for them? always a winner.

[MrsSmeej]

Great idea Mr. Seek. Try a Waterford crystal frame. Waterford bowls are traditional wedding gifts for the Irish. Maybe champagne and Waterford toasting flutes? Hmmm... It sounds like I'm related to the Waterford family, doesn't it?

[Brice]

they both like snowmobiling but aren't allowed to do that by the doctor's anymore

But can they do it in other places?

[alinda]

[LadyHitchhiker]

by the doctor's orders anymore.. sorry sloppy English

[Hannah]

My whole point of view on gift giving: if you don't like them/know them well, but etiquette requires you to buy them a gift: give a gift card. Also, since this is your mother-in-law you could always just make your husband get the gift. It is his mom. That's what I'd do.

[The Lady of Shadows]

Or do you have a great photo of you guys together you could frame for them? always a winner.

ohhh. this is an excellent idea. i know of a website that turns photos into paintings. you could give her a card that says her gift is being handmade and will arrive soon.

(i'm going to have a painting of my god-daughter done i think.)