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Thread: François Villon Contest

  1. #26
    Gunslinger Apprentice The_Nameless is on a distinguished road The_Nameless's Avatar

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    Haha! I triumph!

    Thank you, Can. I told you that you could do it! And I'm not sure what you were so worried about; it is a wonderful poem.

    I don't mind if people blame me or not.
    "Help me out here
    All my words are falling short
    And there's so much I want to say"

  2. #27
    Big Pants; Little Feet Candice Dionysus will become famous soon enough Candice Dionysus will become famous soon enough Candice Dionysus's Avatar

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    Good! Then I'm laying the blame all over you!

    I wasn't worried. I just said its not generally my thing.
    You, man, you have a weird effect on me, Daniel.
    I end up doing things you mention I should do, even when I say I don't want to.

    Random PM's are loved!

    Call me Can.

    Discord Tag: Can (They/Them pronouns)#5588

  3. #28
    Constant Reader Darkthoughts has a spectacular aura about Darkthoughts has a spectacular aura about Darkthoughts has a spectacular aura about Darkthoughts's Avatar

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    His King is dead. His army is defeated,
    The ascension of a new champion completed.

    His strategies and tactics have come to naught,
    Though the battle was courageously and determinedly fought.

    In the end, it was to no avail.
    The White were lost, Blackness did prevail.

    What pride that can be salvaged from such a mess,
    Should be carried unto the next game of chess.

  4. #29
    Nigel Tufnel Odetta has a spectacular aura about Odetta has a spectacular aura about Odetta has a spectacular aura about Odetta's Avatar

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    Cool! Chess! What a unique perspective!
    There's a fine line between stupid and clever.

    You can't really dust for vomit.

  5. #30
    Kingslayer John Blaze has a spectacular aura about John Blaze has a spectacular aura about John Blaze has a spectacular aura about John Blaze's Avatar

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    Darkthoughts, what a unique perspective. Me Likes, very much.
    "So many vows. They make you swear and swear. Defend the King, obey the King, obey your father, protect the innocent, defend the weak. But what if your father despises the King? What if the King massacres the innocent? It's too much. No matter what you do, you're forsaking one vow or another."

  6. #31
    Constant Reader Darkthoughts has a spectacular aura about Darkthoughts has a spectacular aura about Darkthoughts has a spectacular aura about Darkthoughts's Avatar

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    Thanks! Chess popped into my head as soon as I read Jean's lines, my train of thought is inclined to go off on tangents

  7. #32
    The Tenant Jean has a brilliant future Jean has a brilliant future Jean has a brilliant future Jean has a brilliant future Jean has a brilliant future Jean has a brilliant future Jean has a brilliant future Jean has a brilliant future Jean has a brilliant future Jean has a brilliant future Jean has a brilliant future Jean's Avatar

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    Not only the perspective is unique. I very seldom (and here, before that, never) see someone writing in couplets. Great.

    Ask not what bears can do for you, but what you can do for bears. (razz)
    When one is in agreement with bears one is always correct. (mae)

    bears are back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  8. #33
    Constant Reader Darkthoughts has a spectacular aura about Darkthoughts has a spectacular aura about Darkthoughts has a spectacular aura about Darkthoughts's Avatar

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    Thanks even more!!

    I'm really not that au fait with poetry (much to my Dad's chagrin, hes a real poetry buff) but I do write a poem every year on Midsummer's Eve for my sisters and I, its a personal tradition - long story, and thats the form in which I always write them. I find it easier that way.

  9. #34
    Big Pants; Little Feet Candice Dionysus will become famous soon enough Candice Dionysus will become famous soon enough Candice Dionysus's Avatar

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    I generally tend to save couplets for when I am writing spells. Spells in form of poetry are far more effective than normal ones.
    Random PM's are loved!

    Call me Can.

    Discord Tag: Can (They/Them pronouns)#5588

  10. #35
    The Decoy Hannah has a spectacular aura about Hannah has a spectacular aura about Hannah has a spectacular aura about Hannah's Avatar

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    I wish I would have seen this earlier so I could have come up with something better. I don't write a lot of poetry, and when I do it's usually not that great. So here's what I got:

    Her king is dead. His army is defeated.
    Her Father, perished. Her hope depleted.
    The King's only blood relation.
    She ascends the throne.
    Tears alone can not replace him.
    Darkness plays a pretty tune
    At her coronation.
    The heartbeats of the envious
    Foretelling her damnation.
    She plays this royal game,
    Her queenly gestures a flirtation.
    She didn't want this royal seat
    And doesn't struggle with temptation.
    Her Father dead, his army lost,
    She prays for salvation.
    A true firewasp ninja would never wear such a ridiculous sweater.

    There's logic in nonsense.

    Give me all the bacon and eggs you have.

  11. #36
    Salvation Comes w/ a Cost OchrisO has a spectacular aura about OchrisO has a spectacular aura about OchrisO has a spectacular aura about OchrisO's Avatar

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    Usually not great? That's amazing. Seriously.
    There's one hole in every revolution, large or small. And it's one word long.. people. No matter how big the idea they all stand under, people are small and weak and cheap and frightened. It's people that kill every revolution.

  12. #37
    Gunslinger Apprentice The_Nameless is on a distinguished road The_Nameless's Avatar

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    DarkThoughts, I enjoyed the direction you went with your poem. I would've never in a million years thought of using chess. It's very clever, and I enjoyed it immensely.

    Hannah, you don't give yourself nearly enough credit. That was a wonderful poem. I liked how you went with an heir to the throne in yours; the princess/queen perpective was fresh.
    "Help me out here
    All my words are falling short
    And there's so much I want to say"

  13. #38
    Nigel Tufnel Odetta has a spectacular aura about Odetta has a spectacular aura about Odetta has a spectacular aura about Odetta's Avatar

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    OK everyone... it is Thursday... here is the new line...

    Where do I go from here?
    There's a fine line between stupid and clever.

    You can't really dust for vomit.

  14. #39
    Kingslayer John Blaze has a spectacular aura about John Blaze has a spectacular aura about John Blaze has a spectacular aura about John Blaze's Avatar

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    Where do I go from here?
    Where do we go from here?
    The battle's done,
    And we kind of won
    So we sound our victory cheer

    Where do we go from here?
    Why is the path unclear?
    When we know home is near
    Understand;We'll go hand in hand
    But we'll walk alone in fear

    Tell me
    Where do we go from here?
    When does the end appear?
    When do the trumpets cheer?
    The curtains close
    On a kiss God knows
    We can tell the end is near

    So give me somthing to sing about
    Please give me something to sing about!
    -----------
    Life's not a song
    Life isn't bliss
    Life is just this: it's living
    You'll get along
    The pain that you feel
    You only can heal by living
    You have to go on living
    So one of us is living


    Well, as much as I'd love to claim that as my own, it's not. It's two different pieces from the Buffy Musical.
    Watch this Part

    And, since I had this in my head, it's gonna be a bit till I can clear it and post.
    "So many vows. They make you swear and swear. Defend the King, obey the King, obey your father, protect the innocent, defend the weak. But what if your father despises the King? What if the King massacres the innocent? It's too much. No matter what you do, you're forsaking one vow or another."

  15. #40
    Constant Reader Darkthoughts has a spectacular aura about Darkthoughts has a spectacular aura about Darkthoughts has a spectacular aura about Darkthoughts's Avatar

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    Ah, the musical episode - totally redeemed that tragic season!!

    Heres my offering...good line Odetta!

    Where do I go from here?
    I'm sure to end up there!
    Travelling I've been, through each and every where.

    Who do I talk to now?
    Who'll tell the why and how?
    Who can wipe this question mark, from my furrowed brow?

    What do I wish to find?
    Now I've left my past behind?
    Lessons learned and some learned hard, will I be paid in kind?

    When does the journey end?
    Is time ours to spend?
    I'd say its wisely spent, when well met by a friend.

  16. #41
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    nice dude.

    btw, I loved that whole season so
    "So many vows. They make you swear and swear. Defend the King, obey the King, obey your father, protect the innocent, defend the weak. But what if your father despises the King? What if the King massacres the innocent? It's too much. No matter what you do, you're forsaking one vow or another."

  17. #42
    The Tenant Jean has a brilliant future Jean has a brilliant future Jean has a brilliant future Jean has a brilliant future Jean has a brilliant future Jean has a brilliant future Jean has a brilliant future Jean has a brilliant future Jean has a brilliant future Jean has a brilliant future Jean has a brilliant future Jean's Avatar

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    Quote Originally Posted by JohnBlaze View Post
    shut up, you know you're talented, stop fishing for compliments.
    I never said I wasn't talented. I did say I wasn't a poet, though: for a number of reasons, which I am going to list because they might help us understand (by the rule of contraries) what poetry is. First, I don't have to write poems. I do it just for the fun of the game, is all. I've written maybe three or four in my entire life, and would never have thought of doing it again if not for these threads.

    Poets write because they can't contain these new universes within themselves, don't they? They write because they have to - see Nikolett's thread where they give their reasons.

    Next. Poetry is not about ideas: not to be confounded with essays. It's about soul and inspiration and language. Mine is all composed rationally: those who have ever argued with me about freedom will understand that the whole poem was built around one line, namely "Free like a bride deserted by the groom". I am proud of this line. It illustrates my point perfectly. Does it make it more poetic? Oh well, it would, if the rest wasn't so artificially constructed around it. (The other line the whole precarious construction depends on is the closing one, of course.)

    Poetry rolls from your tongue. To a great extent, it's about words and syllables and sounds. Try reading any of mine out lout, they will grind on your tongue.

    All this said, and thus some basics being defined, I think I can go on to analyze other people's poems. I really do believe there are poets here among us. Which, as I already said in Golden Rule, doesn't mean the critic has to be complimentary.

    I can speak only about these pieces that are traditionally, formally poems; that is, comply with at least such rules as the presence of rhymes and metre. Please don't get me wrong. I understand very well the claims of vers libres adepts - that fixed structure (ballad or sonnet or what not) makes it only easier for the poet, that rhymes help the words along, that metre alleviates the burden of looking for the unique, the only suitable syllabic alternation, while in vers libres the poet has to aspire for absolute exactitude with no devices to help him - but I still don't buy it. It still seems to me very close to shadow-boxing, or to playing a game with no rules, or, worse, playing it according to the rules you can recreate yourself at any moment you see fit: it is not fair. That's why I can't comment on vers libres here: I fully realize they may be great, and I believe there must be people who see it; it's only that I personally don't understand them, and, thus, would rather keep silence on that subject.

    Thus, chronologically, my first object is His king is dead. His army is defeated by JohnBlaze.

    Not only the idea is great (turning defeat so clearly indicated in the starter line into victory!), but the whole poem is pivoted on the -eet rhyme (with only even lines rhyming): retreat-heat-seat and so on, till the glorious "golden Marguerite" that crowns it all. The eighteen lines of the poem go up and up, starting with defeat, through becoming heroes, - challenging, - cheating destiny, - cheering, with gods in hell greeting! - and climaxing in that Marguerite. The choice of words is suggestive of a chevalier, used to using cunning and manoeuvre rather than sheer straight force ("making our legend complete"; "help me destiny cheat"); moreover, this very choice of words ("gallantly takes his seat", "you wont leave this war incomplete") lets the author distance himself from the characters, making them an historical vignette rather than a metaphorical expression of any immediate personal emotion or experience (although, even given that, I am still not sure the word lexicon doesn't stick out like a sore thumb), and that's what I personally liked.
    I didn't like any of the rhymes, not even because the author rhymes complete and incomplete: after all, it's François Villon contest, and monsieur Villon rhymed espoir and désespoir in the very poem I refer to in the starter post. No, the rhymes are all very old, beaten to death by generations of poets. No tropes are used, either (though I might have overlooked something); but maybe they were just not needed in a poem as short, whose main aim was, I believe, achieved: turning defeat to victory in a graphic, viable, historically recognizable scene, helped along with recurrent rhymes.

    I've only just noticed that the poem has a title (which to my mind is also a great advantage). I am not sure the title fits, though: I mean, it fits the idea, of course, but hardly the whole fabric of the poem. There's nothing mythologic or symbolic or metaphoric in the text, while the title suggests exactly that. The poem is rather specific, and gives a very concrete feeling. The title is general and could fit a countless number of other poems on victory vs. defeat. (I mean, I would much rather it was entitled something like Sir Watkin Pumpkin (24th Earl of Kneedmoor) Defeats the Outnumbering Forces of Chevalier Guillaume du Cochon in 1402. I'm expressing a strictly personal opinion, of course, here or elsewhere - but it would seem more consistent.)

    to be continued

    Ask not what bears can do for you, but what you can do for bears. (razz)
    When one is in agreement with bears one is always correct. (mae)

    bears are back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  18. #43
    Nigel Tufnel Odetta has a spectacular aura about Odetta has a spectacular aura about Odetta has a spectacular aura about Odetta's Avatar

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    well, I don't know much about poetry...
    Any poem I would write would be free form in nature. To me, I think of poetry as music lyrics which, in turn, can take a varying degree of directions.

    I am confused, are we saying that free form is OK or not OK for these games?
    There's a fine line between stupid and clever.

    You can't really dust for vomit.

  19. #44
    Salvation Comes w/ a Cost OchrisO has a spectacular aura about OchrisO has a spectacular aura about OchrisO has a spectacular aura about OchrisO's Avatar

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    I think free verse is great. One only need read Whitman to see that amazing things can come from free verse.
    There's one hole in every revolution, large or small. And it's one word long.. people. No matter how big the idea they all stand under, people are small and weak and cheap and frightened. It's people that kill every revolution.

  20. #45
    The Tenant Jean has a brilliant future Jean has a brilliant future Jean has a brilliant future Jean has a brilliant future Jean has a brilliant future Jean has a brilliant future Jean has a brilliant future Jean has a brilliant future Jean has a brilliant future Jean has a brilliant future Jean has a brilliant future Jean's Avatar

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    Quote Originally Posted by OchrisO View Post
    I think free verse is great. One only need read Whitman to see that amazing things can come from free verse.
    Sometimes it doesn't help. I love poetry, and have read tons of it; I was crazy about free verse when I was a teenager, but got disappointed later on. It's all a matter of personal taste, you see. There's, for example, the opinion that real poetry can be only free; I don't share it, that's all.

    Quote Originally Posted by Odetta View Post
    I am confused, are we saying that free form is OK or not OK for these games?
    Of course we are not saying anything like that - I couldn't imagine my post was going to create this kind of misunderstanding. I said, in Golden Rule, that if one posts his works, he is supposed to comment on others', too, and that's what I was doing; I also wanted to explain why I was commenting on traditional pieces only. For example, the sentiment expressed here by OchrisO touches me deeply, and I wouldn't dream of depriving him of the right to put it in whatever form he likes... but I do deprive myself of the right to criticize it as a piece of poetry, for the reasons indicated in my previous post.

    Ask not what bears can do for you, but what you can do for bears. (razz)
    When one is in agreement with bears one is always correct. (mae)

    bears are back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  21. #46
    Salvation Comes w/ a Cost OchrisO has a spectacular aura about OchrisO has a spectacular aura about OchrisO has a spectacular aura about OchrisO's Avatar

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    Understandable. I didn't think you were implying that people shouldn't use certain forms, I was just commenting on my enjoyment for free verse in relation to Odetta's saying that anything she wrote would most likely be free form. Honestly, I think that my enjoyment of free verse stuff probably comes from the fact that I am horrible at writing in meter. haha.

    Oh, and thanks for what you said about my attempt at slam poetry up there.
    There's one hole in every revolution, large or small. And it's one word long.. people. No matter how big the idea they all stand under, people are small and weak and cheap and frightened. It's people that kill every revolution.

  22. #47
    The Tenant Jean has a brilliant future Jean has a brilliant future Jean has a brilliant future Jean has a brilliant future Jean has a brilliant future Jean has a brilliant future Jean has a brilliant future Jean has a brilliant future Jean has a brilliant future Jean has a brilliant future Jean has a brilliant future Jean's Avatar

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    I wish people would post more comments: I do believe free verse here should be analyzed by those who understand it. I hope with time they will. I also hope there'll be 36 hours in a day instead of 24, and I will be able to comment about everything I'd love to - for example, on the same free verse from the point of view of their content (which may be deep and true as it is the case with Sixteen years of school) not the form which I don't understand. I believe this small miracle of time growing elastic might happen in summer.

    Ask not what bears can do for you, but what you can do for bears. (razz)
    When one is in agreement with bears one is always correct. (mae)

    bears are back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  23. #48
    Salvation Comes w/ a Cost OchrisO has a spectacular aura about OchrisO has a spectacular aura about OchrisO has a spectacular aura about OchrisO's Avatar

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    Where do I go from here?
    In the end, do I care?
    It is all the same now
    Since she left me

    Destination unknown
    Apathy my lone guide
    “Where is it you take me?”
    Oblivion

    “Oblivion sounds bad…”
    But how can it be worse
    Than this life of sorrow?

    “I guess you’re right.”

    Spiraling through the dark
    Like some sort of lost soul
    Is there no end to this?
    Am I in Hell?

    Along the path I find
    A new friend by my side
    “Who are you, burning bright?”
    Rage, white, hot Rage

    Like a sun, my new friend
    Threatens to consume me
    I rail at the heavens
    With my new friend

    “WHY ME, WHAT DID I DO?”
    “WHY WON’T YOU ANSWER ME?”
    “DO I DESERVE THIS FATE?”
    Silence….Silence

    A far away dim light
    Seeks to challenge my rage
    “WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?”
    I, friend, am Hope

    Rather than speak more words
    Hope looks away from me
    “What are you looking at?”
    A horizon


    “Do you think she is there?”
    “Maybe I should go see.”
    “Will you walk with me, friend?”
    I am with you

    What I seek is not there
    But Hope keeps me alive
    The horizon is there
    I walk to it

    Questions without answers
    Life’s eternal intrigue
    We live inside a wheel
    With all these friends

    Apathy, Rage, and Hope
    Will all be there in turn
    To help us deal with life
    And keep walking
    There's one hole in every revolution, large or small. And it's one word long.. people. No matter how big the idea they all stand under, people are small and weak and cheap and frightened. It's people that kill every revolution.

  24. #49
    Nigel Tufnel Odetta has a spectacular aura about Odetta has a spectacular aura about Odetta has a spectacular aura about Odetta's Avatar

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    OK, I understand what's going on, thanks, Jean... just wanted to make sure.

    LOVED the last poem, Chris!
    There's a fine line between stupid and clever.

    You can't really dust for vomit.

  25. #50
    Gunslinger Apprentice The_Nameless is on a distinguished road The_Nameless's Avatar

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    See, I knew I wasn't a poet.
    "Help me out here
    All my words are falling short
    And there's so much I want to say"

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