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Thread: Beat My Joke

  1. #26
    Palaver Castle Chef mia/susannah is on a distinguished road mia/susannah's Avatar

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    Nerak, that was pretty good. lol

  2. #27
    Citizen of Gilead Ka-tet is on a distinguished road Ka-tet's Avatar

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    Quote Originally Posted by Nerak View Post
    A bear and a rabbit were taking a shit in the woods, the bear says to the rabbit, do you have a problem with shit sticking to your fur, the rabbit said no, the bear wiped his ass with the rabbit...
    Laughed till i cried
    If you love me, then love me-Susan of mejis
    See the turtle, aint he keen? All things serve the fucking beam-Eddie of NewYork
    You burn prettily-Corwin of Amber

  3. #28
    Wolf Woofer will become famous soon enough Woofer will become famous soon enough Woofer's Avatar

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    Three nuns go to Heaven and meet St. Peter at the gate. St. Peter asks the first nun if she has any sins to confess.

    The nun replies "I touched a man's penis once."

    "Not to worry," says St. Peter. "Just wash the hand that touched it in this bowl of holy water and your sin is cleansed."

    The third nun then taps the second nun on the shoulder and says "Do you mind if I gargle before you squat over that?"
    It'll take a lot more than words and guns,
    A whole lot more than riches and muscle.

    The hands of the many must join as one.
    And together we'll cross the river.

    Puscifer, "The Humbling River"


  4. #29
    Palaver Castle Chef mia/susannah is on a distinguished road mia/susannah's Avatar

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    Woofer, Laughed myself out of the chair

    A blow job is 1% urine, 2% hair, 3% cum and 94% other bitches pussy


    Humpty Dumpty was sitting on the wall while Little Bo Peep was giving him head. She knew by the taste that he had been fucking her sheep.

  5. #30
    She gave me a pen. Ves'Ka Gan is on a distinguished road Ves'Ka Gan's Avatar

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    A man and his wife get into a bad argument and start giving each other the silent treatment. THis goes on for a week because neither of them want to be the one to give in and "lose".

    After a week, the man realizes he has an important business trip and needs his wife to wake him up early in the morning. Rather than asking her and thus, losing, he writes her a note: "Big business trip tomorrow, please wake me up at 5 am".

    The next morning he awakes aware that it is late, he looks at the alarm and it is 9 AM! He couldn't beleive she didn't wake him, but when he looked to her side of the bed he saw a yellow post it note "It's 5 AM. Wake up."
    YOU MUST CHILL. I HAVE HIDDEN YOUR KEYS.

  6. #31
    Banned The Lady of Shadows is on a distinguished road

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  7. #32
    From Sorrow to Hope Sam is on a distinguished road Sam's Avatar

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    What's the difference between a Scottsman and a Rolling Stone band member? The Scottsman says "Hey MacCloud, get off'a my ewe!"

  8. #33
    - razz is a jewel in the rough razz is a jewel in the rough razz is a jewel in the rough razz is a jewel in the rough

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    Did j00 know Micheal Jackson is adopting? I heard about it on an Amber Alert announcement

  9. #34
    Forgetful Fantasy-Maker Tiffany is on a distinguished road Tiffany's Avatar

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    (This is gonna be terrible).

    What do you call a deer with no eyes?

    No idear?



    What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?

    Still no idear?

    *pa-dum-dum*
    “Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”-Mark Twain

    Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me....Anything can happen, child. Anything can be.
    -Shel Silverstein

  10. #35
    Roont Matt will become famous soon enough Matt will become famous soon enough Matt's Avatar

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    What do you call a dog with no arms and no legs?

    Doesn't matter, he isn't coming anyway

    What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?

    A stick
    The kindness of close friends is like a warm blanket

  11. #36
    - razz is a jewel in the rough razz is a jewel in the rough razz is a jewel in the rough razz is a jewel in the rough

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    Quote Originally Posted by Matt View Post
    What do you call a dog with no arms and no legs?

    Doesn't matter, he isn't coming anyway

    http://www.joecartoon.com/cartoons/1..._no_legged_dog

    a man walks into the oval office and says "Mister President, ten Brazilian men were gunned down by terrorists"
    The president says "how many is a Brazilian?"

  12. #37
    Eyes Like Silver Dollars Tvmorbid is on a distinguished road Tvmorbid's Avatar

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    Larry LaPrise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Pokey" died peacefully at
    the age of 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him
    into the coffin. They put his left leg in, thats when the bloody trouble started...

    BEEP BEEP Richie! They ALL float down here. When you're down here with us, you'll float too!

  13. #38
    Forgetful Fantasy-Maker Tiffany is on a distinguished road Tiffany's Avatar

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    Q: Why do all the ladies love Jesus?

    A: Because he's hung like this.
    *holds arms out wide*



    Q: What's better than winning the Special Olympics?

    A: Not being retarded.



    Q: What's the difference between a fridge and a gay man?

    A: A fridge doesn't fart when you pull your meat out.
    “Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”-Mark Twain

    Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me....Anything can happen, child. Anything can be.
    -Shel Silverstein

  14. #39
    Eyes Like Silver Dollars Tvmorbid is on a distinguished road Tvmorbid's Avatar

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    I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

    BEEP BEEP Richie! They ALL float down here. When you're down here with us, you'll float too!

  15. #40
    Forgetful Fantasy-Maker Tiffany is on a distinguished road Tiffany's Avatar

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    I blew my wad all at once. I got nothin'. Except this lame one:

    What kinda cheese isn't yours?

    NACHO cheese.

    (It's so retarded and yet, I laugh every time.)
    “Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”-Mark Twain

    Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me....Anything can happen, child. Anything can be.
    -Shel Silverstein

  16. #41
    Roont Matt will become famous soon enough Matt will become famous soon enough Matt's Avatar

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    That was cheesy and corny like nachos

    Hope these don't offend.

    What's the difference between a vaccum and a Harley...

    Dirt bag is just in a different place

    What do Hurricanes and a red neck divorce have in common?

    I don't know, but someone is losing a trailer.
    The kindness of close friends is like a warm blanket

  17. #42
    Eyes Like Silver Dollars Tvmorbid is on a distinguished road Tvmorbid's Avatar

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    I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah, I thought "he's trying to pull a fast one"

    BEEP BEEP Richie! They ALL float down here. When you're down here with us, you'll float too!

  18. #43
    - razz is a jewel in the rough razz is a jewel in the rough razz is a jewel in the rough razz is a jewel in the rough

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    here's a couple DW jokes i leik
    What goes bang, thud, bang, thud, bang, thud, bang, thud, bang, thud, bang, thud, bang, thud, bang, thud, bang, thud, bang, thud, bang, thud, bang, thud, bang, thud?
    A Time Lord committing suicide.

    what does a catholic dalek say?
    EXCOMMUNICATE!!!!



  19. #44
    Eyes Like Silver Dollars Tvmorbid is on a distinguished road Tvmorbid's Avatar

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    lol Those are pretty bad, I love them!

    BEEP BEEP Richie! They ALL float down here. When you're down here with us, you'll float too!

  20. #45
    S P I R A L Ricky has a brilliant future Ricky has a brilliant future Ricky has a brilliant future Ricky has a brilliant future Ricky has a brilliant future Ricky has a brilliant future Ricky has a brilliant future Ricky has a brilliant future Ricky has a brilliant future Ricky has a brilliant future Ricky has a brilliant future Ricky's Avatar

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    While reading the DT the other day, Eddie made a joke and I cracked up laughing. It's terrible, yet I still laugh.

    Q: Why did the dead baby cross the road?

    A: Because it was stapled to the chicken.

    I can't help it.
    A NEW GAME BEGINS

  21. #46
    - razz is a jewel in the rough razz is a jewel in the rough razz is a jewel in the rough razz is a jewel in the rough

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    never gets old!

  22. #47
    Forgetful Fantasy-Maker Tiffany is on a distinguished road Tiffany's Avatar

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    Did you hear about the hooker that had an appendectomy?

    She started makin' money on the side.
    “Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”-Mark Twain

    Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me....Anything can happen, child. Anything can be.
    -Shel Silverstein

  23. #48
    Along the Path of the Beam UnderTheKillingMoon is on a distinguished road UnderTheKillingMoon's Avatar

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    man goes into a bar, where he sees a monkey with a sign that says "for sale: 10 thousand dollars" the man asks the bartender why a monkey could cost so much?

    "well," says the bartender, "this monkey gives the best head anyone has ever experienced, its unreal. Have a try, if it do ya"

    the man took the monkey in the back room and came back 5 minutes later with a check for 10 large. he takes the monkey home.

    the next night, his wife comes home to see a monkey in the sink doing dishes. shes goes to ask her husband why this is so, and he replies" honey, i know i told you that you gave the best head i've ever had, but this monkey is way better"

    "ok," she says dissapointed, "but then why is it in the kitchen doing dishes?

    the husband replies, "well if it can do the dishes and my laundry, what do i need you for?"

    hahahaha

  24. #49
    Banned The Lady of Shadows is on a distinguished road

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    Quote Originally Posted by razz View Post
    here's a couple DW jokes i leik
    What goes bang, thud, bang, thud, bang, thud, bang, thud, bang, thud, bang, thud, bang, thud, bang, thud, bang, thud, bang, thud, bang, thud, bang, thud, bang, thud?
    A Time Lord committing suicide.

    what does a catholic dalek say?
    EXCOMMUNICATE!!!!



    this one was awesome! i really don't get the first one.

  25. #50
    - razz is a jewel in the rough razz is a jewel in the rough razz is a jewel in the rough razz is a jewel in the rough

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    Quote Originally Posted by turtlesong View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by razz View Post
    here's a couple DW jokes i leik
    What goes bang, thud, bang, thud, bang, thud, bang, thud, bang, thud, bang, thud, bang, thud, bang, thud, bang, thud, bang, thud, bang, thud, bang, thud, bang, thud?
    A Time Lord committing suicide.

    what does a catholic dalek say?
    EXCOMMUNICATE!!!!



    this one was awesome! i really don't get the first one.
    oh come on, Turtle. we discusssed this! *ahem*
    Spoiler:
    regenerate?

    don't ask why i put the spoiler tage

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