Funny But True

[LadyHitchhiker]

I'm glad I could bring some excitement into peoples' dull lives...

[B Rag]

C'mon, you wouldn't have to....

[LadyHitchhiker]

I almost fell out of my chair I laughed so hard...

[William50]

[LadyHitchhiker]

are you swinging your halo around or your undies?

[LadyHitchhiker]

Funny but true: I told a lady the other day that I didn't plan on having children unless I could have a whole litter at one time...

[William50]

are you swinging your halo around or your undies?

Undies for sure. I don't even have a halo.

[LadyHitchhiker]

That's one of favroite smilies ever...

[razz]

like a big banana army

for some reason this reminds me of michael jackson when i see that

[LadyHitchhiker]

It should be playing "Thriller" in the background...

[razz]

hold on then
[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z-TZnNXXQrI"]YouTube - Michael Jackson - Thriller[/ame]

[LadyHitchhiker]

Like the sobe commercial with the lizards...

[LadyHitchhiker]

awwwwww it said the video is no longer available...

[razz]

well i give up. i tried 3 different videos, and they all worked fin on youtube.

[Jon]

You may have already seen this but the ending is more touching than you may have seen before.





[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nk284Q450Uk"]YouTube - Christian the Lion Renuites with People who Raised him[/ame]

[The Lady of Shadows]

ummmmm. i don't get it. ::stupidturtle::

[Jon]

Ummm...a touching scene...if you watch the end... marred my an attack.

[The Lady of Shadows]

ooooooooooh. now i get it. i thought something had happened to my version.



::stupidturtle:

[Sorox the Gunslinger]

When I get angry, I think of new ways to make bombs, new types of bombs, and new ingredients for bombs.

[William50]

When I get angry, I think of new ways to make bombs, new types of bombs, and new ingredients for bombs.

Same here..................

[Jon]

Some of you may have heard this...but know I am a smart man, I just...I don't know!


Ok, so as this damn ice storm is in full swing last winter, a tree branch about the size of a man's calf weighs down ( from the ice) and begins gouging at the roof. It lifted a couple of shingles and allowed ice under the shingles. I cannot allow this to go one throughout the night so I climbed on the icy roof with a saw. I tried but could not get a good cut on the branch. This branch, while was the size of a man's calf at the tree trunk became very "bushy" at its end. I could not cut it without the danger of slipping off the roof. I came up with a plan. This branch was about 30 feet up so rather than scale and ice covered tree or to again climb on an icy roof, I got out my shotgun and began to blast the hell out of the branch where it met the tree trunk. as I only had light birdshot (#9) it had little effect on the branch at that height/distance. I had a "plan C" though. I took a very long, sturdy rope, tied a claw hammer to the end and after about 6 or 8 tries I tossed it over the branch near a crotch. I let the weight of the hammer pull that end of the rope down and tied a double-slipknot and pulled it taunt to the limb. I then threw the other end of the rope upon the roof, climbed onto the icy roof and grabbed the rope. I allowed a small of slack to cause a bit of a "shock" when my weight hit the branch. You see, I ran off of the roof with a tight grip on the rope and tried to use my bodyweight and the bit of "shock" allowed by the slack to break the branch. Well as it turns out, I simply didn't weigh enough. I found myself hanging from the branch swinging like a pendulum about 18 feet above the ground. Now this section of ground is what is called a floodplain. the flood plain had filled with melt water a few days earlier then had frozen. So I was 18 feet above about 3 inches of ice. I simply let myself down the rope and thought of a "plan D." Then I had "plan D." I just didn't weigh enough. So I threw the rope back onto the icy roof and went into the house, warmed my hands and emptied my school backpack. It was then I noticed that the sleet, driven by 25 M.P.H. winds had made several cuts on my face. I was undaunted. I took the backpack to my room and placed a few 5 pound weights and a couple of 2.5 pound weights along with a 2.5 pound dumbbell. I then took the backpack to the garage where I added a two pound mini-sledge and two claw hammers. I climbed the roof, grabbed the rope, allowed a bit of slack for the “shock “effect and ran off the edge. My plan worked, it worked all too well. I heard the branch snap but rather than allow my body to complete the arc of the pendulum, the branch stopped supporting all my weight at the dead middle of the arc. I fell, with my back to the ground. I hit the ice backpack first and imagined a claw from one of the claw hammers slicing into my spine. Nothing like that happened but the size of the backpack caused my head to whip back and crack against the ice. I was dazed and could hardly breathe. When I came to lucidity less than a second later I noticed chunks of ice hitting me and falling all around me. The ice on the bushy part of the branch was falling. I covered my face until it was safe. Just then I heard a terrible clatter. The branch, in all of its bulk was falling through all of the limbs below it and sending even more ice raining upon me. There was a loud thud near me as the “meat” of the limb hit the ground about four feet from me. I had never even considered this might happen. As the branch finished its surrender to gravity, the bushy part of the branch “whipped” across my chest leaving bull whip – like marks on my chest despite the heavy layers of clothing I was wearing.
All ended well but I now question my intelligence. I think I deserve a Darwin

Award… but you have to die to get one right??

[LadyHitchhiker]

Jon, I love you... I'm glad you're okay, but that made me laugh out loud...

Funny but true, my cat loves across the universe. He's listening to the whole damn thing... I knew he had good tastes, but I didn't realize he missed the beatles so much. We used to listen to the beatles all the time in mississippi when I lived there.

Oh and when I put Rocky Horror Picture Show in the dvd player, as soon as he knew which movie it was he made a disgusted noise. He's either a.) sick of htem usic or b.) didn't want to be ignored becasue I dance when I watch the movie...

[razz]

i spent like 20 minutes moving my cat around the bathroom today. he was sitting on the toilet seat, and i just decided to move him on to the tank, and he ramained in the exact same postion, just staring and purring, so i set him in the sink. then the bathtub. then on one shelf. then the other, then the other, then in the wastebasket (yes, it was empty), and so on...

[LadyHitchhiker]

I love cats. They are endless entertainment.

When you blow in Mandarin's face he'll pretend to be mad and he swats you in the face, but then when you stop he gets really mad, because you're not playing with him.

[razz]

my cat will wake you up in the middle of the night by slappign you in the face until you get up. if you don't he uses slapping with claws. he's don't like going to the bathroom alon