Choose Your Own Adventure Game

[LadyHitchhiker]

Alright, you guys know the rules... we start a game, you pick a page number, and run with it. Personally, I love the more bizarre the better, but make of it as you wish. I had to resurrect this game since I think tdt.net has finally kicked the bed, and I'm jonesing for some CYOAG! Please for you to enjoy all new fabulous reincarnated CYOAG!!!!!

It is a dark and stormy night. You are in your kitchen cooking garlic chicken. There is a knock at the door. Through the peephole you can see a dark and imposing figure.

To open the door, go to page 3.

To focus on cooking so you don't burn down your apartment, turn to page 93.

[Darkthoughts]

I didn't play this at .net - so I hope I understand the rules

I chose page 3...

...you open the door to reveal a tall, muscular, olive skinned man. He is heavily scarred and looks anxious. He addresses you by name and tells you he has urgent news.

To let him in, goto page 104.

To slam the door shut, goto page 8.

[LadyHitchhiker]

(very good!)

You turn to page 104.

Getting a better look at the man, you realize that he has pointed ears, and he looks very much like Spock off of Star Trek.

"There is an asteroid coming to this planet," he announces.

"Thanks alot," you say. "What the hell am I supposed to do about that?"

"You have the key to time itself. We need to borrow it, so that your planet can avert the asteroid!" He exclaims urgently.

You actually have no idea what he's talking about.

To help him find the timekey, go to page 90.

To try and get the crazy man out of your house, go to page 83.

[Daghain]

Fun!

Page 90: You and the Spock lookalike roam around the house searching for the key. Eventually you both end up in the bathroom where you open the medicine cabinet only to hear the Spock lookalike exclaim "There it is!"

He reaches over your shoulder and pulls a toothbrush from the cabinet.

To see how the toothbrush works, go to page 112.

If you decide this guy is seriously crazy and you need to get him out of your house, go to page 109.

[Darkthoughts]

Turn to page 109.

"Ok, thats it Spocky...you are so out of here!" you say from over his shoulder. He whips round suddenly, holding the toothbrush threateningly before your face, "I'm sorry, we could have done this the easy way - but you leave me no choice." And with that, he grabs hold of your arm, taps his left canine twice with the toothbrush and the rooms spins into non existance...

To prize his arm from yours and take your chances in the void turn to page 19

To stay put and see what happens turn to page 99.

[Kevin]

Turn to page 99.

You twist out of Spocky's grasp, and freefall in the blackness. ahead is a light, and you fall into it. You land on a hard metal floor. Out the window you can see an uncountable amount of stars. You appear to be on a ship. Above you through the floor you hear the sound of many feet moving in different directions, as if a great number of people are looking for someone. You wonder who that could be? At the end of the hall is a door. You hear nothing behind it. To your immediate left is a door that appears to be a closet.

To hide in the closet, turn to page 46.

To go through the door at the end of the hall, turn to page 112.

[Odetta]

Turn to page 46

Being a little bit of a scaredy-cat, you decide to hide in the closet. However, when you open the door, you realize that it is not a closet, but an elevator of sorts. You step in the elevator and notice there are 2 buttons... one pointing "UP", one pointing "DOWN".

To go UP, turn to page 32.

To go DOWN, turn to page 58.

[LadyHitchhiker]

Page 32. You decide to go up!

Upon reaching the designated floor, the doors open to reveal a horde of zombies.

To try and reason with the zombies, go to page 283.

To try to go back down, go to page 982.

[Mister E]

Page 283!

After teaching the zombies that their aggression is misplaced and how to recite Shakespeare's Titus as if they grew up in Ashland, Oregon, I proceed to hack their heads off with my strategically-placed collapsible chainsaw. I proceed down the hall when I hear an odd sucking noise, so I...

Turn to page 2,931 to advance towards the sucking noise.

Turn to page 11 to take the long way home.

[LadyHitchhiker]

Turn to page 2,931...

It's probably a bad idea, but you decide to investigate anyways...

There is a gentleman - if you want to call him that - sucking Captain Kirk's brain out with a straw...

Perhaps this is why the zombies are manifesting themselves?

To stop the *ahem* gentleman go to page 9876.

To try some of the Captain Kirk shake, go to page 0.5

[Daghain]

Page 0.5!

You discover a Kirk shake tastes like a combination of orange soda and caramel corn. While it's not your cup of tea, the zombies seem to like it. Now that you have shared brains with them, they will tolerate your presence. You look up and see a large group of them marching single file down the corridor.

To see where they are going, turn to page 3001.

To look for an escape pod from this undead madhouse, turn to page 7.

[Mister E]

Page 3001 (gone native!)

It turns out I've stumbled upon some sort of undead Jewish wedding ceremony! The zombies aren't marching, but doing a conga line to the reception hall! The zombie band playing, Night of the Living Knishes, is a little too emo for the joyous event, but the clarinet is the TOPS!

Go to page 23 to crash the wedding.

Go to page 32 to make out with the undead groom's hot re-animated mother in the cloak room.

[CyberGhostface]

Pg 32

You decide to make out with the hot re-animated mother. Nothing gets you hotter than swapping spit with a flesh-eating ghoul.

As you make out with her, you realize that by swapping spit you've been infected with whatever virus she carries. You let out a scream. Your stomach feels like its about to explode.

"Garrrghh..." You say. A thin line of drool trickles down your lip. You correct yourself. "I didn't mean that! I meant...glaaaghh..."

You're slowly becoming zombified. What shall you do?

Turn to page 19, if you try to find a cure, no matter how unlikely that may be
Turn to page 99, if you accept your zombified fate and decide to eat the brains of others

[Mister E]

Page 19.

I've decided to cure my undead condition, by hook or by crook. I shall be whole once again, even if it means taking the lives of thousands of millions of innocent people. Who could blame me really? I begin by knocking out the undead mother and dissecting her. Once I break down the true nature of the virus with my travel centrifuge, I begin the process of creating an antidote while still making out with my new slightly spoiled paramour. It turns out that what began as a mere perverted fling with the damned has sprouted into love and though I have not forgotten my promise to become whole again even if it means taking the lives of thousands of millions of innocent people, I will continue this taboo affair into the future.

Turn to Page 2,000,342 if you believe the developed cure will be a suppository, which will be administered by my new zombie lover.

Turn to Page 9,377 if you believe the cure will come at the cost of many innocent lives and ultimately result in the death of my new zombie lover.

[Daghain]

Oh, page 9,377. Totally.

After many innocent lives are lost and the aforementioned zombie lover meets an untimely death as an antidote guinea pig, you discover a cure for zombieism.

The antidote turns out to be a cheaply acquired item: brussels sprouts. (Too bad you tried asparagus first, your zombie lover might have lived. Oh well.)

You are faced with a choice: cure all the zombies on the planet, or just the select few you've come to know and love?

To cure all the zombies, turn to page 43,765.

To cure only the ones you like, turn to page 23,999.

[Mister E]

23,999

MENDOZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!


Turn to page 23 to see which zombies I like.

Turn to page 203 to see me drink away my grief.

[LadyHitchhiker]

Page 23...

Well .... the population has been diminished, but now you realize that only curing the people you like is a bad idea....

Unfortunately, your people can still be infected by hungry zombies.

So now, somehow you have to find a mass market way of producing enough brussel sprouts to cure the world, or spend your whole entire life in fear.

What's it gonna be boy, yes, or no?

If you say yes to producing brussel sprouts, go to page 90.

If you decide no, fear is fun, go to page 91.

[CyberGhostface]

Page 91...

Somehow, the idea of living your life in fear from a zombie outbreak sounds exciting. Its not as your previous life was any interesting, and George Romero has always been your favorite character...or, was your favorite director before the zombies ate him.

So here you are, boarding up your windows while zombies try to break in. They are all moaning and beating their hands against the boards.

Okay, so maybe living your life in fear wasn't a good idea.

"Those darn zombies sure don't know how to quit, ayuh!" Stephen King says. He, along with your mother, your pet raccoon and your vampire landlord are the only people you care about. Yeah, its a pretty short list.

The zombies are close to breaking down the window. Something comes to your mind. You hate yourself, but it might be your only chance. If you throw one of your friends to the zombies, that might be your chance to distract them. Or you could do nothing and hope for the best.

If you throw your mother to the zombies, turn to page 66
If you throw Stephen King to the zombies, turn to page 54
If you throw your pet raccoon to the zombies, turn to page 22
If you throw yourself to the zombies to sacrifice yourself, turn to page 29
If you decide to do nothing and hope for the best, turn to page 10

[Daghain]

Page 22

Although you'd really like to sacrifice your vampire landlord (bastard keeps raising the rent) you may need a place to live after all this is over, so you throw your pet raccoon to the zombies as a distraction. You figure it's the best option, since with any luck Stephen King will marry your mother and you'll be RICH!

The zombies fall on the raccoon like teenagers at a pie-eating contest.

To run while the zombies are distracted, turn to page 107.

To stick around and watch, turn to page 103.

[CyberGhostface]

Page 107

"Nom nom nom nom..." The zombies go as they eat your raccoon.

"Lets go!" You shout. "NOW!"

"Oh, ayuh!" King says. He kicks open the bolted door and gestures for you and your friends to follow him. The zombies, as predicted, are too busy fighting over the remains of your pet raccoon to notice.

"Where are we going, dear?" Your mother says.

"Anywhere thats not here." The vampire landlord says.

There's a sound of a car skidding as black van careens down the road.

The door slides open. "Get in!" A voice says. "Quick!" You almost go in when you realize every single person inside the van is a clown. They all smell bad and their facepaint is beginning to crack. What are the odds of a van filled with clowns, and would you be safe with them? You aren't sure, but you don't have time to lose...

If you get into the van with the clowns, turn to page 666.

If you decide to go on your own, turn to page 1919.

[Daghain]

Page 666.

The faster you can escape, the better! You all hop in the van with the disheveled clowns. The door slams behind you and the driver stomps on the pedal. You zoom off down the street, headed for the highway.

You take a minute to look over your new-found friends. They are smelly and their makeup is cracking, but they look harmless enough.

You ask them why they are here and where they're from.

If they are escapees from a zombie attack at the circus, go to page 412.

If they are a secret cult of mad zombie worshipers, go to page 447.

[CyberGhostface]

Page 412

"Where are you from?"

One of the clowns, a large sweaty one who smells faintly of ham, shakes his head. "We were performing at the Tiggertouser Circus of Fun, when suddenly Mr. Bubbles ran screaming. Saying that he was bit. When Chuckles went to check on him, Bubbles turned like a rabid dog and tore out his throat with his teeth. After that, there was a huge panic. No one could tell who was infected until it was too late and it spread like a wildfire. We managed to escape in a van."

"Oh, ayuh!" Stephen King says. "That's sounds horrible."

"Why does he keep on saying 'ayuh'?" The fat clown says.

The vampire landlord shrugs. "He's from Maine, apparently. All the characters in his books speak that way."

You tell the clowns your name, and then introduce the rest of the group. "This here is Vlad, he's our landlord." You say pointing to the vampire. "This here is Mum, and the guy who keeps saying 'Ayuh' is Stephen King. He used to be a popular writer."

"I'm Bubba the Clown," The fat one says. "Pleased to meet ya."

One of the other clowns begins to moan.

"Hey, Freddy, you okay?" Bubba says.

"I don't feel too good..." The clown says. You notice that his shirt is soaked with blood. Hesitantly, Bubba lifts up his shirt to reveal a gaping wound. Bits of entrail are dangling over his pants.

"Shit!" Vlad says. "He could turn on us any minute!"

"What are we going to do?" Your mother says.

"We've got to get him out of here!" Bubba says. "Before he turns!"

"Maybe I can bite him." Vlad says thoughtfully. "After all, being a vampire is better than being a zombie."

You shake your head. "You've been in Blooddrinkers Anonymous for two months. Don't throw it away now."

"Maybe we can still help him." Your mother says.

"Do you see him?" Bubba says. "He's beyond help."

They all look at you as if expecting you to resolve the argument.

Should you kick Freddy out? Turn to page 87.
Should you let Vlad bite him? Turn to page 489.
Should you try to help him? Turn to page 223.

[Daghain]

Page 489.

Vlad bites Freddy in a vain attempt to save him. Unfortunately, this turns both Vlad and Freddy into rabid zombies, who then attempt to kill everyone in the van. In a fit of adrenaline, you open the side door and throw both Vlad and Freddy out of the van.

In hindsight, you realize that now there is a vampire zombie race forming. This is not good. The van streaks through the night, until eventually you reach an abandoned gas station.

To set a gas-powered bomb for the approaching zombies, go to page 114.

To just stop for munchies and gas, go to page 119.

[Storyslinger]

Page 119

All this saving the world bull snot is just too mauch to handle. As the van pulls up to the gas station, you throw open the door and rush madly into the store, searching for a candy bar.

The others shout after you, telling you to stop, then changing their pleas to 'just be careful.' Searching through the isles, you hear a strange sound coming from behind the cash counter.

To find out the source of the noise, turn to page 8,765

If you've had enough of strange noises, turn to page 4

[Daghain]

Page 4.

You've had it with strange noises as well. Grabbing an orange soda and a Mars bar, you bolt out the door and back into the van. As the door slams shut behind you you see a zombie stumbling out of the store, screaming for your brains. The van tears off down the road. After an hour or so, you come upon an old abandoned insane asylum. You are all tired and are thinking of crashing there for the evening.

To stop and spend the night, turn to page 177.

To continue on and look for a better place to stay, turn to page 198.