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LadyHitchhiker
05-24-2008, 04:42 PM
So this is going to morph into the general etiquette thread, but here's what I'm going to start with:

So quick question:

my mother-in-law is getting married. She's in her 60s and has everything she could possibly want and there is no registry. So do I still get her a wedding present or is a card just okay?

Thanks for the ideas and the advice!

:idea:

The Lady of Shadows
05-24-2008, 04:48 PM
So quick question:

my mother-in-law is getting married. She's in her 60s and has everything she could possibly want and there is no registry. So do I still get her a wedding present or is a card just okay?

Thanks for the ideas and the advice!

:idea:

ummm. "remarried" or married? if remarried, why isn't she just eloping like every other sane person in the universe? that's what we did. :thumbsup:

okay, seriously. i guess the question is - do you like her? that makes a big difference you know.

LadyHitchhiker
05-24-2008, 04:50 PM
She is remarrying... for some silly reason she thinks she should have a big wedding because he has a big family. Like 300 people are coming... But I agree. Why have a big wedding? my wedding was 10 people, tops.

See I would feel a lot more in favor or her and maybe getting a present for her if she hadn't borrowed 200 bucks from us and not paid it back yet. I mean I like her but I don't like the guy she's marrying. I don't trust him to do right by her. Like one time she was in the hospital and he left to go play darts with his buddies. She had to call us (we live 45 minutes away) to come pick her up because she's stranded at the hospital.

mia/susannah
05-24-2008, 04:53 PM
I would say a small present and maybe a card. Does not have to be anything big but I am sure she would appreciate the gesture.

The Lady of Shadows
05-24-2008, 04:54 PM
oh my. this does not bode well for the future i think. . . .

i would stick with a nice heartfelt card. that way he can't turn around and sell it later on for the cash. oh, that was mean wasn't it. i seem to be turning into a snapping turtle again.

Nerak
05-24-2008, 05:34 PM
a card with a certificate for a gas station :)

That stuff is as good as gold lately! LOL

Patrick
05-24-2008, 10:55 PM
She is remarrying... for some silly reason she thinks she should have a big wedding because he has a big family. Like 300 people are coming... But I agree. Why have a big wedding? my wedding was 10 people, tops.

See I would feel a lot more in favor or her and maybe getting a present for her if she hadn't borrowed 200 bucks from us and not paid it back yet. I mean I like her but I don't like the guy she's marrying. I don't trust him to do right by her. Like one time she was in the hospital and he left to go play darts with his buddies. She had to call us (we live 45 minutes away) to come pick her up because she's stranded at the hospital.

How about a nice Hallmark card and a little "forgiveness of debt"-type card from a Monopoly game.

http://www.bankrate.com/images_MRA/monopoly.jpg

Daghain
05-25-2008, 01:25 PM
I was going to make the same suggestion, but Patrick did it way better than I would have. :lol:

turtlex
05-25-2008, 01:35 PM
I'm going to advise you actually pose the question to her. She may want something donated in their name, or just tell you to forget it.

I think though, it's the right thing to give something. Unless specifically told not to, which doesn't sound like the case here.

obscurejude
05-25-2008, 01:38 PM
Since she's asking for a big wedding, I suppose it makes sense that she's expecting gifts- they sort of come with the territory. The beauty in numbers, at least in this regard, is that if you get her something lame she's less likely to notice it or take offense. The fact she owes you money, well, I hoped you learned your lesson about doing that with family. I'm sorry, I've been in that situation. Best thing to do is to try and forget it, although I know its frustrating Liz.

Letti
05-25-2008, 09:40 PM
Since she's asking for a big wedding, I suppose it makes sense that she's expecting gifts- they sort of come with the territory.

Yeah, this is the problem. You could draw something for her but if she is that type of person who prefers damn big weddings I guess she wouldn't be satisfied with a nice picture... (however handmade things are the best)

LadyHitchhiker
05-26-2008, 03:50 PM
But I don't have to try and get her something big? I mean ... I would like to get her some sort of appliance like I got for my wedding, but she has all the appliances she could need.. and then some!

alinda
05-26-2008, 03:59 PM
Do the bride and groom have any hobbies or interests
that you could foster? Something they do together that
you could give a boost? Say theyre into golf, you could
pay for a round at the best club around. Or maybe they
are gardeners...you could get them something to make
their work easier, some tools, or new plants they can
watch mature as their mariage does. I'm not very good
at this either am I? Sorry.

LadyHitchhiker
05-26-2008, 04:27 PM
Ooooooooooh...... so I can buy them a plant... she has Christmas Cactus she really loves. Maybe I can find her something that's easy to take care of.
He does woodworking,
they both have cats
they both like snowmobiling but aren't allowed to do that by the doctor's anymore
she likes to paint
they like to watch movies...
they both play darts...

alinda
05-26-2008, 04:59 PM
See? theres something in all that somewhere.

ZoNeSeeK
05-26-2008, 08:25 PM
Lady: I think its correct etiquette for family to give a gift at a wedding, regardless of whether they say not to bother - even if its just a $20 bottle of wine or something :)

The Lady of Shadows
05-26-2008, 08:31 PM
okay, so when is the big day? because i now bow to the crowd (baaaaa) and say what the hell get them something. if they really like plants you could get them a nice bonsai tree. (not the giant kind, the kind that sits in the house.) i hear people are nuts for those.

LadyHitchhiker
05-27-2008, 12:59 PM
Well it's on Saturday...

ZoNeSeeK
05-27-2008, 09:31 PM
Or do you have a great photo of you guys together you could frame for them? always a winner.

MrsSmeej
05-28-2008, 09:43 AM
Great idea Mr. Seek. Try a Waterford crystal frame. Waterford bowls are traditional wedding gifts for the Irish. Maybe champagne and Waterford toasting flutes? :unsure: Hmmm... It sounds like I'm related to the Waterford family, doesn't it?

Brice
05-28-2008, 09:48 AM
they both like snowmobiling but aren't allowed to do that by the doctor's anymore



But can they do it in other places? :P

alinda
05-28-2008, 11:19 AM
:rofl:

LadyHitchhiker
05-28-2008, 02:57 PM
by the doctor's orders anymore.. sorry sloppy English

Hannah
05-28-2008, 04:00 PM
My whole point of view on gift giving: if you don't like them/know them well, but etiquette requires you to buy them a gift: give a gift card. Also, since this is your mother-in-law you could always just make your husband get the gift. It is his mom. That's what I'd do.

The Lady of Shadows
05-28-2008, 04:58 PM
Or do you have a great photo of you guys together you could frame for them? always a winner.


ohhh. this is an excellent idea. i know of a website that turns photos into paintings. you could give her a card that says her gift is being handmade and will arrive soon.

(i'm going to have a painting of my god-daughter done i think.)

LadyHitchhiker
05-31-2008, 04:36 AM
I'd love to do that but I only have pictures of her my husband and I, none involving her husband to be.

LadyHitchhiker
05-31-2008, 04:36 AM
Wedding's today... I'll let you guys know what I've come up with...

ZoNeSeeK
06-04-2008, 05:01 PM
You could make them a macaroni and handpainted card

:)

LadyHitchhiker
06-05-2008, 06:04 AM
Awwwwwwwww too late Seek... :(

That's a great idea but we ended up getting them a photo album and crossed our figglers that she didn't have one already........

Thanks for all your help folks!!!!!!!!!

Ves'Ka Gan
06-05-2008, 03:26 PM
Photo albums & picture frames are always the way to go with weddings with no registry/ones you don't want to spend a lot on. I can't count how many I've bought for this purpose over the years!

LadyHitchhiker
06-06-2008, 12:35 PM
:D Then it was a good idea!!!!! :D

LadyHitchhiker
06-29-2008, 07:01 AM
Alright so new etiquette

married couple (had a child that died in '05, now only have two furry babies) that invited a husband over but not the wife. What shows up? The husband, the wife and the bratty child. Child throws pudding on carpet and couch. Mother laughs and says, "oh your house must not be child-proofed". Starts changing diaper in CARPET OF APARMENT without any blanket. Married couple offers towel. Mother says, "no that's not neccessary." Child charges senior cat who is resident in home... etc., etc.,

How do I get my friends to behave and for their children to behave without feeling like I am babysitting???

I CERTAINLY want to know if the brats are coming over (and they are brats and the wife acts like I need to babysit her kids when they're at MY house) because it's my cats' and our house.

How do I set rules for when they come over? I want a towel or something under the butt of the kids whos diapers are being changed in the floor because I do NOT want the cats to think that the floor is their new new litterbox...

I think it is beyond rude for her to laugh about the house not being childproofed.

On top of all this she was harassing me about when I am going to have children, what kind of birth control I'm on, when we are getting a house, why I haven't had another child because that's the only way I'll ever get over losing my step-daughter, etc.,.

I REALLY like the husband but when I invite the husband I expect the husband. If I invite the family, I expect the family and am prepared. Am I being rude? Should I EXPECT the family will come?

The husband helps us with the computer for minimal money and is hysterical and fun. The wife does nothing for me and the children even less.

Help?

Darkthoughts
06-29-2008, 07:26 AM
With the nappy changing/towel thing - I'd turn it around by saying "No, really - I'm putting a towel down because there's cat hair and stuff all over the carpet so I don't want you to lie the baby directly on it."
I'm not implying your cats are unclean :lol: I'm saying you should tell a white lie to make out you're concerned about her baby rather than your potentially baby pee and pooed on carpet - shes more likely to respond to that being so selfish ;)

LadyHitchhiker
06-29-2008, 07:34 AM
I like white lies... I like smoothing over people's feelings... this is a good idea... :D

But how do I get her to make her child behave around the cat??? I can't tell her I'm afraid the cat will hurt her kid because my cats aren't mean. They simply aren't...

Darkthoughts
06-29-2008, 07:36 AM
LIE!! :lol:

Thing is, even the nicest cat will scratch or bite if someone grabs a handful of its fur or yanks its tail as babies are wont to do - so its not a lie really :)

LadyHitchhiker
06-29-2008, 10:50 AM
With the nappy changing/towel thing - I'd turn it around by saying "No, really - I'm putting a towel down because there's cat hair and stuff all over the carpet so I don't want you to lie the baby directly on it."
I'm not implying your cats are unclean :lol: I'm saying you should tell a white lie to make out you're concerned about her baby rather than your potentially baby pee and pooed on carpet - shes more likely to respond to that being so selfish ;)

See and I thought I was being beyond polite by allowing her to use one of my own fricking towels and she didn't even want it! She's rather use the carpet?!?? This is her kid! How does she know the floor's even clean like you said? *I* would ask if I could use the kitchen table - we don't use it for eating, it's just for stuff - not just whip out dirty butt on the carpet. DISGUSTING!!!! Or am I just being a germophobe? I don't think so, and even if I am that's how I feel...

LadyHitchhiker
06-29-2008, 10:51 AM
It has been my experience that sometimes you just have to be rude to get through to some people.
And some people feel that an invite to them includes their spouse and kids even if you didn't say so.

And now especially I don't want kids coming over that I don't know if they can behave themselves. Linus just went to the vet and turns out he has to get a bunch of teeth pulled and I don't want her kids harassing my already not-feeling-well-senior boy...

Brice
06-29-2008, 10:57 AM
Tell her you're concerned that her devil spawn child might infect your precious cats and that her and her brat weren't invited anyway. :evil:

alinda
06-29-2008, 11:01 AM
:lol: that ought to clear the air if not the room! :lol:

Brice
06-29-2008, 11:05 AM
I should fuckin have a dear abby time column for dealing with people who don't deserve civility. :D

LadyHitchhiker
06-29-2008, 11:07 AM
Well how do *I* know that her children won't make my fuzzy baby abscess?

Heeheee :evil grin:

Brice
06-29-2008, 11:10 AM
You clearly don't. :) Plus the kid could give your fuzzy baby fleas or ringworms...all manner of things. I reccomend you have her put the baby in the yard preferably chained to a post. Just remember to be polite and put a water bowl out for the little fella.

alinda
06-29-2008, 11:13 AM
:nope:

LadyHitchhiker
06-29-2008, 11:14 AM
That made me laugh out loud...

I want to get sign for my door that we have at work. It says: "unattended children will be given a free expresso and a puppy." I wonder how often she would cover after that.

But on a serious note, I really would think an almost 3 year old could comprehend the word no by now. I know *I* did.

Brice
06-29-2008, 11:16 AM
He comprehends. He just chooses not to listen.


:nope:

And it would seem Linda doesn't approve of giving the thing a water bowl when you put it outside...so no water bowl.

LadyHitchhiker
06-29-2008, 11:28 AM
And her parents think I should be the babysitter...

Ugggggghhhhhhhh...

LadyHitchhiker
06-29-2008, 11:29 AM
:rofl:

No water bowl?!?!

:rofl:

Brice
06-29-2008, 11:39 AM
:D


See, I should have a bad??? advice column.

LadyHitchhiker
06-29-2008, 11:42 AM
I like it though.... :)

As for her nosiness about my ovaries I'm almost to the point that I'm going to put crocodile tears on and tell her I just found I can't have kids...

Brice
06-29-2008, 11:47 AM
I like it though.... :)

As for her nosiness about my ovaries I'm almost to the point that I'm going to put crocodile tears on and tell her I just found I can't have kids...

Well, if you do, do it in a way as to maximize (her) guilt. :cool:

LadyHitchhiker
06-29-2008, 11:49 AM
Got any suggestions on how to do that?

Jean
06-29-2008, 11:04 PM
You clearly don't. :) Plus the kid could give your fuzzy baby fleas or ringworms...all manner of things. I reccomend you have her put the baby in the yard preferably chained to a post. Just remember to be polite and put a water bowl out for the little fella.
that makes perfect sense to me. Someone has to subtly hint to a child what it means to behave oneself, if their parents are unable or unwilling to do so.

LadyHitchhiker
06-30-2008, 02:32 PM
I should hang up leashes and collars on the apartment door and a note that says "these are for children who don't behave themselves." :lol:

LadyHitchhiker
06-30-2008, 02:32 PM
Or parents... ;)

LadyHitchhiker
11-16-2008, 10:47 AM
Alright so I'm writing this new story, this new romancey story based roughly about my life, and I've used a very few people's real names in the story but put into entirely fictitious circumstances. According to etiquette do I have to change all the names to protect the innocent and not-so-innocent or can I just write under a pseudonym?

Woofer
11-16-2008, 06:37 PM
Change the names. Maybe change a few details about the people, too. Just in case.

LadyHitchhiker
11-17-2008, 08:53 AM
Ugggggggghh.. but their names are so perfectly ordinary and wonderful.... :(

Brice
11-17-2008, 08:55 AM
Then switch the names around for different people. :lol:

LadyHitchhiker
11-17-2008, 08:57 AM
Names like John Bennett, Brad Wender and his fiancee Minnow, his father whose first name I changed to Oscar, Adrienne Grunland, etc.,. Fabulous names for an ordinary modern-day romance... *sighs*

cozener
11-18-2008, 07:39 AM
Sextoys.

LadyHitchhiker
11-18-2008, 03:10 PM
What? Are you asking about the etiquette for them?

Woofer
11-19-2008, 03:31 AM
First rule of sex toys: find out if the other party is interested before you whip one out and start poking around.

theBeamisHome
11-19-2008, 08:08 AM
:rofl:

LadyHitchhiker
11-20-2008, 04:38 PM
Well it's true... you can't just whip out a strap on and expect the other person will be okay with it. ><

LadyHitchhiker
01-06-2009, 03:40 PM
But it doesn't hurt to have a few in the room in case they're interested ;)

Woofer
01-08-2009, 07:19 PM
:couple::clap::thumbsup::rock::cool:

gsvec
01-08-2009, 07:25 PM
:rofl:

LadyHitchhiker
01-09-2009, 06:04 AM
Well it's true. :nana:

Toys are fun with the right person... :cowboy:

theBeamisHome
01-12-2009, 11:45 AM
the husband and i went into spencer's the other day and were browsing the sex section.. i noticed him checking out the vibrators.. i think he'll get me one for when he leaves.

Diggity Of The Eld
01-12-2009, 12:05 PM
We tried to watch this Real Sex thing on HBO, thought it would be kinda hot. Bad choice. That shit is not hot. Not at all. Stay far away. That show sucks.

Diggity Of The Eld
01-12-2009, 12:11 PM
Oh but here's what we found actually is hot.... porn. Yeah whodathunkit. Real tough one to figure out there.