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View Full Version : So I'm writing a novel right now, but I can't publish it for another year...



razz
04-21-2008, 06:12 PM
Anyways, I want to know if anyone will review my plot for me. i will wait for a reply before i begin writing. it's kind of generic, but i have my own special twists to it.

Erin
04-21-2008, 07:46 PM
Hey Razz....I moved this from the Dixie Pig to Turtleback Lane, a forum more suited for member's personal writings, stories and poems.

Anyhoo, congrats on writing a novel! I wouldn't mind reviewing the plot, and I'm sure others would love to see what you've got. Why don't you post it in here?

what
04-22-2008, 10:06 AM
I agree! I'd love to give it a go!

razz
04-22-2008, 12:00 PM
thankee-sai, Erin.

The novel is in a first person, view, and maybe third person. i don't know yet.
It takes place from may to September 2007.
Any ways, the story takes place for the first chapter of so in Flint, Michigan (my home town) , where our "hero", David, gets hit by a bus. After this, he becomes paranoid, and doesn't trust his friends, seeing as one of them kinda caused the accident. When he leaves the city, he feels better and more at ease, so he moves to stay with friends in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan, in the Small town, Silverbeech (or silverwood. somekind of tree with silver in front of it.)

LadyHitchhiker
04-22-2008, 01:44 PM
I am already stoked that this is taking part partly in the U.P. That's where I am and where my novel starts too!!!! :D

LadyHitchhiker
04-22-2008, 01:44 PM
How come you can't publish it for another year?

razz
04-22-2008, 03:28 PM
I'm only 17. I need to be 18 for a contract. Unless i self publish it. which might cost a small fortune. besides, it ain't finished yet.

razz
04-23-2008, 12:29 PM
during Davids time in SW, there is a number of mutilations and disappearances, then about a month of quiet, then a night after a storm, when these creatures attack from the woods. after escaping in a truck, David drives to his friends place to pick him up and get out of the town.as they prepare to leave, the creatures attack the house, and they seek shelter in the basement, where they hide until morning.

mia/susannah
04-23-2008, 01:32 PM
Sounds interesting so far. Hope you post a little more. Good luck with finishing your novel and getting it published. I for one would purchase and read it.

razz
04-23-2008, 02:24 PM
yeah, i'm gonna continue, up to a point.

meanwhile, before the shit hits the fan we flash to 3rd person of an assassin.
This assassin is stalking a guy and his body guard, and gets involved in a firefight, succeeding in killing the man and his guard.
I'm really not sure about this guy, but i think he becomes an ally (if only temporary), and survives the events in the story

Jean
04-23-2008, 10:42 PM
can you post an exerpt, too?

razz
04-24-2008, 12:12 PM
I can try to find an interesting section, but i don't know if i have any good ones yet

Odetta
04-24-2008, 12:29 PM
I'm sure there are plenty of good sections... don't be shy

razz
04-24-2008, 12:47 PM
maybe i gave you the wrong impression. I'm only on chapter 2

Steve
04-24-2008, 01:55 PM
Take it from me, a novelist in my own right:

Try finishing the first draft before you even *think* about publishing.

Good luck!

razz
04-24-2008, 04:56 PM
yeah, i know. but i wanted to know if people would actually be interested in my book, before i continue. though even if they weren't, i would probably continue anyways.

Jean
04-24-2008, 09:57 PM
I can try to find an interesting section, but i don't know if i have any good ones yet


maybe i gave you the wrong impression. I'm only on chapter 2

post them both, then! http://i91.photobucket.com/albums/k291/mishemplushem/Facilitation/bear_original.gif

Storyslinger
04-25-2008, 09:16 AM
yeah, i know. but i wanted to know if people would actually be interested in my book, before i continue. though even if they weren't, i would probably continue anyways.

Right, always continue. If you only write for others and not yourself, you take the fun out of writing and it becomes a chore. Plus, it will reflect in the writing itself.

razz
05-06-2008, 06:14 AM
here's an excerpt (did i spell that right?)




" Elizabeth, hand me your phone. Mines broken."
"The batteries died." ELizabeth pulled a pink Sprint phone from here purse. "I didn't charge it last night."
I took the phone and stuck it in my pocket, and unslung my pack. I rummaged through it spilling a few things, including a book, some bullets, a lighter and some dog treats. Axel snatched them up as they fell, wagging his tail.
"we have the same phone, so the batteries should be compatible." I removed the casing and took the battery, tossing the worthless phone to the side. It cattered on the tiled floor and slid to a stop under a desk. I pulled Lizzie's phone from my pocket, and tossed the old battery, replacing it with mine. I flipped the phone open, and held down the power button. immediately the phone powered up. "Alright!", I exclaimed, "Now we're in bussiness"

razz
05-06-2008, 06:15 AM
not too terrible, i think. but it could be better. i probably shouldn't use the term "I" so much. it messed up the indents.

razz
05-06-2008, 06:21 AM
as little as i want to do it, i think the poor pooch will die. but the dog will not be names Axel. I would never kill off my own dog. maybe other family member, but...

Steve
05-06-2008, 09:45 AM
Watch punctuation, my friend. Trust me.

Mattrick
05-06-2008, 10:48 AM
Hello, I'm near the end of my own novel and it is a very long, trying and frustating journey towards completion. Since I haven't been able to figure out how exactly to end mine (I know the end but not the final sequence that takes me to it) it's been sitting there, collecting dust for four months.

I can offer you some help in actually getting it down, how to develop prose and a sense of style. If there is one thing I can recommend, it's to try and develop your own phrases etc. Parents, friends and even strangers are a good way to test out your ability to create your own phrases, similies and metaphors. It doesn't matter if you remember them, it's about making them up on the spot, as writing often is.

I'll look through your exceprt step by step.


" Elizabeth, hand me your phone. Mines broken."

There should always be a change in paragraphs between speakers.

"The batteries died." ELizabeth pulled a pink Sprint phone from here purse. "I didn't charge it last night."



I took the phone and stuck it in my pocket, and unslung my pack. I rummaged through it spilling a few things, including a book, some bullets, a lighter and some dog treats. Axel snatched them up as they fell, wagging his tail.

I'm not sure what about this paragraph irks me. Maybe it's how ferocious your character is looking through the bag. If these items that fall are conssequential then keep it but it feels thrown in for filler. Or maybe it's just the weird combination of dog treats, literature and bullts lol



"we have the same phone, so the batteries should be compatible." I removed the casing and took the battery, tossing the worthless phone to the side. It cattered on the tiled floor and slid to a stop under a desk. I pulled Lizzie's phone from my pocket, and tossed the old battery, replacing it with mine. I flipped the phone open, and held down the power button. immediately the phone powered up. "Alright!", I exclaimed, "Now we're in bussiness"

I think this is way to much description for something so minor. It could easily be, I exchanged the batteries and discarded the worthless one.

Change the word compatable. Hell, just take out that sentence completely and change it. Of course two identical phones have identical batteries

If you ever need advice or critiquing, PM me or ask me in this thread. But if you're looking for someone to nod appropriately, I'm the wrong guy.


A few questions:

1. How have you developed the characters? What are their relationships like? What changes do you plan on them making?
2. How do you plan on this assassin character being in the book? What purpose does he serve?
3. Do you have any proposed themes or things you are trying to say?

Mattrick
05-06-2008, 10:54 AM
And I agree with Steve, don't even worry about publishing. You have to worry about getting a literary agent before you worry about that. And you have to worry about editing first, re-writing before that and actually writing the damn novel before you worry about publishing. Sure, the thought of getting published is a nice motivator but you have to concentrate on making your novel the best it can possible be...or publishing may be out of the question.

Writing a novel is a point A to B process. When you're done your first draft, then, perhaps, you can start utterting the 'P' word lol

Steve
05-06-2008, 11:11 AM
Couldn't have said it better me own self.

razz
05-08-2008, 05:41 AM
thaks for your c.c. and yah. the items from the pack have some relevance. of course he's hurried. they're barricaded in a building.

razz
05-18-2008, 04:43 PM
I kinda forgot the rule "omit all unnecessary words"

Ves'Ka Gan
05-29-2008, 10:29 PM
I just wanted to say, I started writing seriously when I was fourteen. One of the novels I wrote back then still remains one of the favorite things I've ever written (and one of the only finished ones!).

You may find that your grammar is screwey or your style isn't quite right, and that's okay. I recently picked up a battered, water stained old hand written manuscript I wrote almost ten years ago, and although I could tell a fifteen year old wrote it, I was more than anxious to go through and freshen it up, mature it a little and see what came of it.

I think you're doing great by even dedicating yourself to the task of writing something longer than a few pages. It's a daunting task. Don't let the snafs along the way get you down and keep forging ahead!!

P.S. LOVE The Doctor as well, couldn't help but throw that bit in there!

rradicob
06-04-2008, 10:06 AM
I took the phone and stuck it in my pocket, and unslung my pack. I rummaged through it spilling a few things, including a book, some bullets, a lighter and some dog treats. Axel snatched them up as they fell, wagging his tail.


a list of things. i've found in my writing that as the writer you in most cases see every little detail of what is in you'r character's wallet, in their pockets, purse, kitchen cabinets, so on, and so on. the difficulty is figuring out what specific items need to be mentioned, and how to mention and catagorize the rest of it.
now obviously, we know some things about your story from the plot you have given us. so naturally i would say the bullets and lighter may be of some use. but if you're going to keep the bullets, I would say there needs to be an explanation (nothing great, just a whisper of an idea) as to why there are bullets. The lighter...well, perfectly normal thing to carry around so you don't have to worry about that. I have a suggestion of an idea you could use, since you mentioned killing the dog, but I seal my lips unless you want to hear it.

Over all, sounds like a good story. The only major thing I tend to dislike is third person view. Main reason being is the attack of the I's. Plus as a reader I prefer to read about a character, to learn about and connect with that character.

It is my opinion, that is all. I encourage you to write your story as you wish, and I do thank you for sharing.

rradicob
06-04-2008, 10:08 AM
the items from the pack have some relevance.

should have read the second page.

razz
06-04-2008, 03:17 PM
aight, thanks, and i'd love to hear what you have to say on the dog.

rradicob
07-25-2009, 11:59 AM
during Davids time in SW, there is a number of mutilations and disappearances, then about a month of quiet, then a night after a storm, when these creatures attack from the woods. after escaping in a truck, David drives to his friends place to pick him up and get out of the town.as they prepare to leave, the creatures attack the house, and they seek shelter in the basement, where they hide until morning.

I hate to ever discourage or criticize someone else, but I just wanted to point out one thing that jumped out at me. i don't know if you've seen the movie Signs by M. Night Shyamalan, but the scene in which they hide in the basement while the creatures attack the house screams of a scene from Signs.
Often I find myself accidentally copying something from another story a bit too closely if i'm not careful and didn't want the same to happen to you.

Also, I can't stop myself from commenting about your spoiler. It's good, but (i don't know if anyone else has this problem) i have a huge pet peeve for people mentioning cell phone brand names in stories. I attempted to read jeffery deaver's Vanishing Man as a kind of random read and found the words nextel used more times than i poke a stick at within the first 20 pages. after that I had to stop reading. maybe it's just people don't think of brand names as being repetitive but i'd say they are easily more repetitive and adds close to nothing to the description of the item. unless it comes into play later, such as say everyone with a Sprint phone turns in a rabbit...or something.
a way to get around it if you absolutely want to mention the brand name is mention it in passing description of the object.
Elizabeth pulled a pink cell phone from her purse, it was slightly worn and dirty but the metallic letters spelling Sprint still managed to look new.
It's crap. But hopefully that manages to explain what I mean.