What should monkey butlers be trained for?

[Matt]

:lol:

I'm thinking warming up the car on a cold morning and scrapping the windshield.

[jayson]

Packing bong hits

[Wuducynn]

Fellatio, cunnilingus, analingus, s & m, b & d, golden and brown showers...

[OchrisO]

You can trust a monkey, dude. If you sent it out to warm up you car, it'd take off in it and use it as a getaway car for a bank robbery, then pick up a kilo of cocaine and a few strippers, leaving a huge mess all in your car.


I recommend not using monkeys for such chores.

[Wuducynn]

Monkey's and strippers go well together Chris. Everyone knows that.

[OchrisO]

They do, but it makes a huge fucking mess, and you can't make the monkey clean it up, because it would just steal your car again.

[Matt]

:lol:

My monkeys don't do that since I broke a few knuckles.

And I do not want a Monkey golden shower

[ZoNeSeeK]

Fetching my beer and placing it on the custom indent in the top of their head and perching within easy arms reach.

[Kevin]

Stand on my roof and fling shit at my oh so kind neighbors as they walk by.

[Wuducynn]

Stand on my roof and fling shit at my oh so kind neighbors as they walk by.

That counts as a brown shower...especially if you're into that kink.

[fernandito]

Ah! I was going to make this thread yesterday night, you bastard! :lol:

[Kevin]

Stand on my roof and fling shit at my oh so kind neighbors as they walk by.

That counts as a brown shower...especially if you're into that kink.

Except for the fact that I am not getting aroused/banging the person covered in said shit. :cyclops:

[ZoNeSeeK]

Really?

[Erin]

Cleaning cat litter and doing laundry.

[ZoNeSeeK]

or perching under your cat's anoos with a little bag would be even better.

One of our cats almost shat on the other one the other day. The other one stupidly went and shoved its head under the first one's ass when it was about to take a dump.

[ATG]

Burping the garbage can.

[Erin]

:rofl: :rofl:

I wish they made those little bags that horses wear during parades in a cat's size. Swapping out bags would be less nasty than scooping nasty, soiled litter. Gag.

[ZoNeSeeK]

or if there was some other pet you could have that ate the cat shit

[OchrisO]

Dogs will, but it loses its appeal as a cleaning method when you realize that dogs like to lick you in the face.

[ZoNeSeeK]

Mmmm! *licks lips*

[Erin]

uuuug. Kitty Candy.

[Ruki]

monkeys should kill my enemies

[Jean]

monkeys should kill my enemies
and my neighbors who always drill the wall http://i91.photobucket.com/albums/k291/mishemplushem/Facilitation/bear_angry.gifhttp://i91.photobucket.com/albums/k291/mishemplushem/Facilitation/bear_angry.gifhttp://i91.photobucket.com/albums/k291/mishemplushem/Facilitation/bear_angry.gifhttp://i91.photobucket.com/albums/k291/mishemplushem/Facilitation/bear_angry.gifhttp://i91.photobucket.com/albums/k291/mishemplushem/Facilitation/bear_angry.gifhttp://i91.photobucket.com/albums/k291/mishemplushem/Facilitation/bear_angry.gif

[OchrisO]

People keep neglecting my advice that you can't trust monkeys. If you trained a moneky to kill your enemies, it would only be a matter of time before it realized that it could also kill you while you are asleep and have the house all to itself.

[Ruki]

yeah but a monkey would need some time to work out that idea, you'd see it get all shifty-eyed and you'd know it's time for a new monkey.

[OchrisO]

Monkeys can be pretty sly about their plots.

You see this monkey?

http://www.codelphia.com/lali/06Nov20-monkeywithtoybird.jpg

A mere 37 seconds after this picture was taken, this monkey killed 3 children and severely injured one adult. It was said that the monkey then grabbed a marker and a posterboard and wrote "I fucking HATE stuffed ducks, you douchebags." However, this posterboard was never found, and that seems like a pretty shitty reason to kill a bunch of people, so that part might just be made up.




And this monkey?
http://www.allykatzz.com/pictures/16/113716.jpg
This monkey hates Jews. It has no reason at all to hate Jews. It was raised by a very nice Jewish lady who gave it all the food it wanted and even gave it the whole upper floor of a very spacious house to live in. This monkey is just an asshole. Don't let the cute look fool you.

[Wuducynn]

Monkeys can be pretty sly about their plots.

You see this monkey?

http://www.codelphia.com/lali/06Nov20-monkeywithtoybird.jpg

A mere 37 seconds after this picture was taken, this monkey killed 3 children and severely injured one adult. It was said that the monkey then grabbed a marker and a posterboard and wrote "I fucking HATE stuffed ducks, you douchebags." However, this posterboard was never found, and that seems like a pretty shitty reason to kill a bunch of people, so that part might just be made up.


I egged the monkey on. I'm proud of it too.

[Bethany]

keeping the spirit of the thread alive, monkeys should be trained to wipe the butts of kids betweens the ages of 3 and 9.

[ZoNeSeeK]

and then eat the shit-covered tissue paper

[Ruki]

monkeys need to empty my ashtray

[OchrisO]

A monkey would dump the ashes into water and let it sit until it turns into lye, then it would dash it on your face while you were sleeping.

[fernandito]

I'm surprised that there hasn't been a monkey-spanking joke yet.

[ZoNeSeeK]

i would teach my monkey the fine art of thai massage

[OchrisO]

YouTube - The State - The Barry Lutz Show (Monkey Torture)