JB's psychotic ramblings.

[John Blaze]

I had a thread here once, in which I posted my stuff. I haven't used it in years, but I can't find it anywhere. It probably got deleted as an abandoned thread during the changes in ownership. So I started a new one. I was angry.

Right now I'm calling this one "Fuck You". I think I might find a better title later. You can skip it if you want to, it doesn't rhyme anyway.

Hey pop.
So I heard you went to visit Big Brudder.
Again.
I’m glad you found the time out of your busy schedule to let us know you’re alive.
I heard you gave my niece and nephew $20 dollar bills, and a thousand dollars worth of attention and affection in a short visit.
I’m glad he’s still your favorite. He was always better than me, though, right?
Patient and slow to act, smart. I was always loud and belligerent.
He’s the same shade as you. I’m as pale as my mother. I guess love doesn’t stick to my color.
Maybe I can get a tan?
Maybe if my kids were dark you’d show up at my door uninvited bearing gifts, right?
Maybe.
Sissy was sure glad to see you. Through all her bluster she still adores you.
And why not? You doted on her right?
My beautiful, swarthy, loving Sissy.
I’m glad you took out Lil' Brudder. He’s been lost these years without you.
It angers me that out of all of this he got the short stick. He’s as pale as me.
Maybe that’s why you’ve never acknowledged us.
Oh, but we have your name, right? That’s acknowledgement, right?
I was lucky enough to be a man grown when you left. He was 12.
Even back then you treated us two as second class citizens.
But I had learned to deal with it then. I sure gave you lots of trouble, right?
I was glad when I ran away at 14 to hear that you cried that one time.
I finally got that attention I wanted. Thanks.
But Lil Brudder is lost. And you’ve been having fun. I hear you have two homes now.
I guess you can accumulate wealth when you don’t have to pay child support.
I wouldn’t know, I provide for my kids.
Thanks for teaching me to be self reliant. It’s the best lesson I’ve ever had.
Thanks for the unconditional love.
I remember your anger when I told you you weren’t invited to my wedding.
I remember the satisfaction I felt to hear that I could still affect you.
Still make you feel something, if only rage.
Yes, I’m an ungrateful little prick. So sue me.
Disown me.
Let my children grow up ignorant of a grandfather.
Just help lil brudder.
He needs you.

I don’t.

Love Always, your pale black sheep.

Conejo

[John Blaze]

I was at work the other night listening to music. Kanye West's "Drive Slow" was playing when I had to shut this place down and go help fix a fuckup after a power outage. Here's the original song.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xLZs_HTOp5U

I couldn't remember Paul Wall's verse, and I was feeling a little more cocky than usual I wrote this one to it. Don't laugh at it too hard, it's supposed to be arrogant and flashy, it's a rap lyrics. :P The verse this was intended to replace starts at 1:28

I’m an Alpha male
In a beta world,
You might call conceit,
But I’m just self assured,
You can try to hold me back
But I step up undeterred
and if you can’t understand
I’ll use smaller words.

I don’t have to flex
Cuz I already won.
Destroy any scale
Because I’m number one
But I ain’t here to boast
Because that ain’t no fun
I’m just spitting rhymes
That’ll put you on the run

I keep my wits so sharp
Like a katana blade
You might think you’re the king
But I’m the ace of spades
You think you invented game
But I already played
You think you’re locked and loaded?
I brought a verse grenade.

I bring the truth in force
Like a hurricane
Slugs into your brain
Dull you like novocaine
Make it so you don’t know
You got laid out again
As you cough up blood
And call me inhumane

So peel your eyes real wide
And load up all your guns
And put on your dancing shoes
We’re bout to have some fun.
Clean the wax out your ears
Cuz I’m about to spit
Get your "tp" ready
Baby, cuz I’m the sh*t.

[Jean]

John - are you sure you don't mean .net? I can't remember you having a thread here (it isn't in the Index anyway, and though I haven't updated it for ages, I would have made a mental note should you have a started a thread), and I am 100% sure no threads were deleted.

[John Blaze]

Maybe. I'm not really too worried about it Jean, but thank you.

[Bethany]

This could be intersting

[John Blaze]

what does intersting mean? Is it a synonym for totally AWESOME?

[Bethany]

That is one meaning.

[John Blaze]

alright! :P

[Jon]

This could be awesome.

[John Blaze]

well thanks, Jon. It's good to see you around. :)

[John Blaze]

untitled


she tells me her sorrows and joys,
neither of which I am a part
yet I pain for her,
and laugh inside when she's happy
her smile brightens my own day
...as if her eyes were my suns,
her smiles rays of light
I even see them when it is night
and I am alone,
in my room,
dreaming

[Bethany]

Nice.

[Sir_Boomme]

nice one...

[John Blaze]

thanks, peoples.

[BROWNINGS CHILDE]

I like the letter to your Pop JB. I wrote a similar letter to my Grandparents. Did you send yours. I didnt mail mine......I printed out copies and put them under the windshield wipers of all the cars at their church.

[John Blaze]

Thanks Gooch. It's kinda shitty, but I wrote it after my brother called me the other day and told me I should consider forgiving my father. It was either put it on paper or ruin my relationship with my brother. I was pretty angry.

[BROWNINGS CHILDE]

Writing is therapeutic.

[John Blaze]

Oh yes, sometimes it's the only output you can safely use, when spewing such vitriol could harm your life. When I'm angry, when I can't stand my life anymore, I write. I can't tell anyone what I feel sometimes, so I write.

[John Blaze]

Thanks to my bff Befernee, who helped me with this one.


oh invisible flame
which burns me yet shows no proof
is your goal to maim?
to break me
leaving but a shell?
weaving your spell as you send me to hell and there compell my obedience?
or perhaps your goal is to uplift
to inspire me to greater acts
of spirit; extract the drops of soul
which remain
drain the evil and leave but light?
temper those drops of soul into the sword of right?
cleaving through the unworthy thoughts in my head
trimming the fat, as it were
leaving the lean bits of virtue?
and yet, what virtue? what if gristle be all you find, no bone, no substance?
fill me then, with borrowed right, with loaned virtuosness
grant me chastity at interest, in payments of fault which i shall excrete from my being
allow me to be the light through the prism
untinted, clear, bright

oh invisible flame
which burns me yet shows no proof
allow me to shine in the darkness
with the faith of the devoted.
help me feel what i can't
believe what I don't
see what I ignore
for the greater good

[John Blaze]

time
time is relentless
attacking my shield of hours
breaking it into minutes,
drowning me in seconds
attacking my words,
decimating them to letters
making my syllables sound wrong to my ears
making me question my thoughts

under constant attack,
I take refuge in my name
but it is an empty wall
knocked down by trumpet blasts

[John Blaze]

your face, a mirror that shows me;
me
a dark and troubled pane when i want to see
pain
touching that we feel alike
share emotions
gripped in light and prisms
refracting, gleaming, pulsing light
enough to see each other
in each other ourselves.

[John Blaze]

in the heat of our touch
I want to melt,
weld souls together
be one
in the slag of our sins
letting the impurities run off,
leaving just white hot steel
burning off the rust
so we can feel
alive

[John Blaze]

This is surely not finalized, but I had to throw the concept down before I lost it. Please, bear with me.

Words are air
lost in the wind
let me get lost in this wind
this breath from your lungs
an errant blow without restrictions
that displaces wind
words within words, love between sighs
lost.

[pixiedark76]

This is surely not finalized, but I had to throw the concept down before I lost it. Please, bear with me.

Words are air
lost in the wind
let me get lost in this wind
this breath from your lungs
an errant blow without restrictions
that displaces wind
words within words, love between sighs
lost.

this sounds like haiku. I would keep it the way it is. I think that it is awesome.

[John Blaze]

Why thank you, my dear. I am greatly pleased and flattered. Thanks for commenting. :D

[Bethany]

Thanks to my bff Befernee, who helped me with this one.


oh invisible flame
which burns me yet shows no proof
is your goal to maim?
to break me
leaving but a shell?
weaving your spell as you send me to hell and there compell my obedience?
or perhaps your goal is to uplift
to inspire me to greater acts
of spirit; extract the drops of soul
which remain
drain the evil and leave but light?
temper those drops of soul into the sword of right?
cleaving through the unworthy thoughts in my head
trimming the fat, as it were
leaving the lean bits of virtue?
and yet, what virtue? what if gristle be all you find, no bone, no substance?
fill me then, with borrowed right, with loaned virtuosness
grant me chastity at interest, in payments of fault which i shall excrete from my being
allow me to be the light through the prism
untinted, clear, bright

oh invisible flame
which burns me yet shows no proof
allow me to shine in the darkness
with the faith of the devoted.
help me feel what i can't
believe what I don't
see what I ignore
for the greater good

Make sure you remember my name is not actually spelled Befernee on the royalty checks :D


in the heat of our touch
I want to melt,
weld souls together
be one
in the slag of our sins
letting the impurities run off,
leaving just white hot steel
burning off the rust
so we can feel
alive

The more I read this one, the more I like it. The heat and urgency of the imagery...well...


This is surely not finalized, but I had to throw the concept down before I lost it. Please, bear with me.

Words are air
lost in the wind
let me get lost in this wind
this breath from your lungs
an errant blow without restrictions
that displaces wind
words within words, love between sighs
lost.

I'm with pixiedark, this one has a haiku feel to it. Like a wisp of breath at the nape of your neck.

[John Blaze]

thanks, Beffy. :D

[Jon]

Who is this JB dude?


Good work, he does.

[John Blaze]

To you, thanks, they be given.

[John Blaze]

because fuck you, that's why.

Hit me
Hurt me
Break me down
Beat me black and blue
Take my kids
Take my light
Take my life
Steal my sunshine
I’m still standing.

Tell em lies
Blame me
Bloody me
Poison my friends against me
Drag my name through the mud
I’m still standing.

Make me your clown
put my reputation in the ground
I’m still around

Nothing you do can bend my knees
Nothing you do can break my will

Nothing you do can make me love you.
I’m still standing.

[Jean]

http://i91.photobucket.com/albums/k291/mishemplushem/Facilitation/bear_thumb.gifhttp://i91.photobucket.com/albums/k291/mishemplushem/Facilitation/bear_thumb.gifhttp://i91.photobucket.com/albums/k291/mishemplushem/Facilitation/bear_thumb.gif

[John Blaze]

:namaste:

[Bethany]

You already have my feedback :couple:

[John Blaze]

:)

[John Blaze]

In the echoes of your looks
in the space between your syllables
i discern your true intent

the contempt bleeds through
despite your kind words
those illustrious lies
you tell so well.

when you smile at me
in your superiority
your knowledge of my place
outside your bourgeoisie.

I shall break you down!
if I cannot climb to you,
be your equal,
you shall be mine.

in fear and tears
i'll diminish you
dehydrate your soul
make you base; like me.

crumble your self worth
ruin your self esteem
piss on your confidence
shit on your dreams

bring you down
slap you around
wither your smiles
unravel the seams

of your happiness,
your assurance.
Safe in your superiority;
how dare you be better than I?

Burn, corrode, sigh
my failure is contagious
be a loser, like me.
Your pain will make me smile.

All the while, tasting the bile,
losing everything worthwile.
Come to me, be low
Surrender your confidence to me
Only I can make you smile.


Thanks again, to Beffy, for the help. She has a 3 line credit here. :P