The Moon and You

[OchrisO]

I was outside walking tonight because I didn't feel like being shut up in my apartment and I was watching the moon as I walked, and started writing this in my head. It is pretty rough, but I figured I'd post it anyway.


Isn't it funny how the moon seems to
Follow you down the street, ever watchful?
That's how I feel about you sometimes.
Lost love shines on me, inescapable.

I wander the streets at night trying to
Make some sense of this fucked up existence.
The moon always watches me like some god
Radiating all of my doubts and fears.

I pick up my pace and I slow back down
But you are always there to remind me
Of why it is that I am still walking
And that's ok, I like knowing you are there.

I just wish this heartache would wane sometimes
To give me a chance to hide all my tears
Before it waxes with me on the street
Because my room is all memories of you.

I look to the sky for answers and
All that I see is that bright, glaring, moon.
You are as unattainable as that moon
And, baby, let's face it: I'm no astronaut.

[Jean]

thank you for posting it, OchrisO!

you already have one poetry thread started, so please choose how you would prefer them to be merged, and what name you would like to give to your poetry catalogue

[OchrisO]

Meh. Doesn't matter how they are merged, or what it is called.. I didn't know we had to keep them all in one thread. I placed this one elsewhere because it is more standard poetry while the other one was slam poetry, which is quite different.

[Jean]

I don't know if we have to have only one poetry thread each (the guidelines are being developed now), but I am inclined to think that it would be better if the readers could see all poems or short stories by one author in one thread; otherwise they are easily overlooked and finally lost, and it's a great pity.

I'll let it be for some time just to make sure nobody misses it, and then I'll merge, ok? And if you change your mind and decide you might want to have a title for your poetry collection, just say.

[Jon]

Once again you made "heavy" "light" very well.

[OchrisO]

Once again you made "heavy" "light" very well.

Could you elaborate on that? I'm not sure what you mean. It could just be that I am rather tired and I may get it tomorrow. haha.

[Jon]

I mean you took a fairly "heavy" subject and kept the reading light. Not a lot of complex metaphors. At this risk of shameless self promotion, if you look at my poems, there are either as fluffy as air or heavily laced with emotions.

Does that answer your question/

[OchrisO]

I mean you took a fairly "heavy" subject and kept the reading light. Not a lot of complex metaphors. At this risk of shameless self promotion, if you look at my poems, there are either as fluffy as air or heavily laced with emotions.

Does that answer your question/

Yeah, thanks.

[Jon]

And I did mean "not a lot of complex metaphores" as a compliment. You have less risk of turning your reader off.

[OchrisO]

Here is another one that I have been working on. I am notsure that this is the final product, but I'm going to post it anyway. I grew up in a small town that used to be a Company Coal Camp back in the first half of the 1900s. This is about life there, and moving away from it.

"Appalachian Ghosts"

My friends made life worth living in the hills
Unknowing sculptors, they made me who I am
With mixtapes and borrowed books they brought me
To a world of punk rock and liberal thought

One, by one, by one, they escaped the hills
They left to join the stream of shatter dreams
Until I was left alone and joined them
Motivated, I struck out to find life.

I, too, escaped, but ghosts still haunt my dreams
Appalachian ghosts, like a fog in my mind
And sometimes like a hammer to remind
Me of the things and people left behind.

A man working twelve-hour shifts while his
Little boy asks mommy where daddy is
He drinks away his pain and weariness
While his family wonders when he will be home.

A woman cries herself to sleep because
She can’t afford to buy her little boy
All the things that she thinks that he deserves
And she thinks that this makes her a failure.

A man comes home and hits his wife because
He has to let the rage at his life out
And she is there, as an easy scapegoat
He strikes the wife he loves and hates himself

Miners with blackened skin and dull dead eyes
Plod their way to work each day where death waits
Appalachian ghosts, dead before their time
Appalachian ghosts with dull, lifeless eyes.

[Hannah]

These were both really, really good. I love the ending line of the first poem. It made me smile. I have to agree with Jon, I like how your poetry is taking a heavy subject and making it "light" in the sense that you're more direct than you are indirect. Does that make any sense?

The second poem made me sad, and speculative. The part about the family, the mother, father, and son, was heartbreaking. My father was an alcoholic, so I could relate to that part of the poem fairly well.

[OchrisO]

These were both really, really good. I love the ending line of the first poem. It made me smile. I have to agree with Jon, I like how your poetry is taking a heavy subject and making it "light" in the sense that you're more direct than you are indirect. Does that make any sense?

The second poem made me sad, and speculative. The part about the family, the mother, father, and son, was heartbreaking. My father was an alcoholic, so I could relate to that part of the poem fairly well.

Thanks for the comments. That does make sense. I tend to not be very metaphor heavy, and I tend to use more similes when it comes to that sort of stuff. I think that I should probably try to stop writing poetry about a girl. haha.

In Appalachian Ghosts I was trying to capture the seeming futility of life in an economically broken town, and how it stays with you even when you manage to get away. I'm not sure how well I have managed that here. I am not sure that that is the final version of it. There's some stuff I'd like to add to it, but I am not sure how to say it yet. I wanted to post it anyway and see what people thought of it so far.

[The_Nameless]

Very nice work, Chris.

I especially enjoyed Appalachian Ghosts. I loved the feeling of the poem, even if it was a bit depressing. I tend to enjoy poems that are written from emotional states like that.

[OchrisO]

Thanks. Appalachian Ghosts is pretty much my only poem that isn't a lovesick poem about a girl. I still keep with the sad depressing theme, though. haha.

I told a friend of mine that I think Misery is my Muse, because that is the only time I really write. I should try writing about sunshine or puppies sometime.

[OchrisO]

I decided to take a page from Fruno's book and record some of my stuff with explanations. The poems here are read, as well as the slam poetry piece and the sonnet from the 3 word poetry circle. I stumble around a bit in some parts. I'm not used to recording myself or reading my stuff. Also, I have a bit of a country accent, so please disregard.

Also, I read some stuff a bit too quickly, but I suppose it isn't too horrible for a first try.

My Poetry

[Frunobulax]

I'm a trend setter, what can I say?
And your country accent can't be worse than my odd voice.

[Frunobulax]

I like your readings--it definitely adds some subtext to things and gives a different view on the overall cadence of everything.

[Jon]

I decided to take a page from Fruno's book and record some of my stuff with explanations. The poems here are read, as well as the slam poetry piece and the sonnet from the 3 word poetry circle. I stumble around a bit in some parts. I'm not used to recording myself or reading my stuff. Also, I have a bit of a country accent, so please disregard.

Also, I read some stuff a bit too quickly, but I suppose it isn't too horrible for a first try.

My Poetry

Soo OchrisO has country accent eh? Do ya'll reckon we otta keel him fer being different? LOL

[Frunobulax]

Heh.
Naw. Let's not keel him.

[Jon]

Just..injure him???


He's different!!!!!! LOL

[OchrisO]

I seem to be all poetried out for now . I haven't written anything since appalachian ghosts.

[Jon]

Ghosts??!!...I'm 'fraid of Ghosts!!

[OchrisO]

Something new. I wrote it while thinking about how I often have great ideas in my head that never manage to reach the page.


In my mind metaphor and allusion
Dance like euphoric lovers trailing bliss
In the dark and dreary world of my mind
Their light kiss creates explosive fireworks.

But the paper remains an empty slate
Barren and lifeless like a desert night
Cold and quiet like a jilted lover
I can coax nothing but scorn from the page.

In my mind simile and imagery
Run through a field like children holding hands
Spreading joy and love everywhere they go
Dodging any attempt to capture them

When I stare at the page I see only
Sorrow, regret and my many mistakes
Taunting and jeering, they keep me silent
Like the children on a playground, so cruel.

In my mind beauty and bliss are as one
On the page attempts echo back nothing
For in my mind I am truly alive
But I am nothing outside of its walls.

[OchrisO]

I guess that one didn't go over too well. haha.


It is actually probably the one of mine that I like best.

[OchrisO]

Hrm, was this one really that bad, or has anyone ever read it?

The lack of any comments on it has kind of discouraged me.