Significant other's response to collecting?

[inertia1215]

My finance and I just came home to a package on my doorstep from SubPress. When she asked what it was, I told her my signed copy of Heart Shaped Box.

She quickly replied, don't you already have that book? And I said yea 4 copies.

Now I know a lot of other collectors out there are like me, and this sparked a very interesting discussion between us and I was wondering how all of you deal with it?

I tell her as much as I can as to why I have a US 1st, a UK 1st, a US signed etc...., but I can only explain what I have and why, not why I do it?? Other than, "i'm a collector, I like them."

To that response I usually get, we can go out for $100, rather than look at a book on a shelf! It is not a financial concern of what I am spending, she just does not understand why??

Feedback?

ps. sorry if there is a thread out there for this, did a quick search, couldn't find one!

[Rusher]

Its funny to read this today, because my husband and I just had this conversation last night. Although financial concerns are definitely a problem of mine ( you should see the collection I have when I'm asleep...lol ) I still have a fairly decent collection and I'm always scouring to find deals to make money to buy more for my collection.

My husband doesn't understand this AT ALL. However, he has his own passion and hobby and that is RC helicopters. Those stupid things easily go for around the 1000 to 1500 dollar range ( the ones he flies anyway ) and when they crash, which they inevitably do, even if you just break blades...thats at least 80 for a new pair.

I think everyone has their own passions and loves when it comes to collecting things, and may not understand someone else's love for something but certainly understand their own.

Maybe your fiancee likes clothes, or shoes or handbags ??? Does she have to have the 100 dollar jeans while your fine with Lees or Wrangers..lol, does she have to have those 100 dollar shoes or that 2 or 3 hundred dollar Coach purse ? Same thing. People are just willing to spend money on things they love....So unless you happen to be with someone who has the same passions that you do, I think those discussions about "why" will always be there.

[wizardsrainbow]

I think people either understand the Collector's mentality, or OCD as it were, or they just don't get it, and all the explaining in the world isn't going to do any good. My wife is like that. She understands that collecting, finding a rare or needed item makes me happy, but there is no way that she can experience the emotion that I feel. Because she loves me, she will listen to my stories, and is happy that I am happy, but there is no way (even with her growing knowledge of what makes my collection tick) that she will ever say, Holy smokes, that is kick-ass!

Still, she understands enough to go behind my back, make a deal with the preeminent King collector in the world, and present me with a rare King collectible on Christmas that literally made my jaw drop and rendered me incoherent for 2 minutes! That's the best I can hope for, and I am very happy to live with that!

[turtlex]

Wiz - I think you hit it on the head perfectly.... for a dedicated collector... there's EMOTION attached to a find. That's the difference.... and really, how can you explain to someone how you respond emotionally to a book or comic or poster or promo item?!?

My girl gets that collecting is important and good, for me, but really doesn't have the collector-gene herself. She loves the Dark Tower books and series, but is just as happy with a used paperback as she would be with a signed first edition. Go figure!

I consider myself very lucky though, because while she doesn't "get it" herself, she understands how important it is to me... to the point of even running around Maine during our vacation to visit Betts Books, and stop into every small and large used bookstore looking for Dark Tower books. Now that, is cool.

[inertia1215]

Thanks for the responses guys. and Wiz, yes, it is the emotional aspect of it that she will never understand.

Its nice to know there are others out there who have this same struggle.

Rusher - Its hard b/c believe it or not, she does not have anything like that! she was always raised with very little money she never created the desire to have any "nice, un-necessary" things.

she has come a long way with treating herself every once in a while, but believe it or not, I usually have to force her to spend some money on herself!!!

[Matt]

I'm in the same boat Pam, your description totally reminds me of Dora.

She loves it because it makes me happy and actually ran all around Washington DC with me while we waited until late to see King.

[turtlex]

Matt - We are both very lucky then.

[blg]

I think people either understand the Collector's mentality, or OCD as it were, or they just don't get it, and all the explaining in the world isn't going to do any good. My wife is like that. She understands that collecting, finding a rare or needed item makes me happy, but there is no way that she can experience the emotion that I feel. Because she loves me, she will listen to my stories, and is happy that I am happy, but there is no way (even with her growing knowledge of what makes my collection tick) that she will ever say, Holy smokes, that is kick-ass!

I couldn't have said this any better. It's pretty much a mirror image of exchanges between my wife and myself.

[e_taylor]

I'd have to agree with David and Bill too - far from understanding, theres more so a loving acceptance from my girlfriend. And so long as rent gets paid and we have food to eat.... its all good!

[Gris]

I ask the wife for permission to spend money, she says "Sure", then asks why I spend so much money on books when they show up and yells at me not to buy anymore.

Then I ask her a week later for something else and she says "Sure"

[The Lady of Shadows]

since my husband's ocd collecting has gone from star wars collectibles to collectible model cars to real, life size cars (he currently has three mustangs - a gt, a mach one, and a bullitt) i better not hear a damn thing but "sure dear" when i ask for the rare expensive item.

actually, he was all for me getting the signed bag of bones. he knows how important the book is to me, and how excited i was about adding a signed item to my collection. but he really doesn't understand the need for different editions of the same book. so i just point to the many variations of the same car. works every time.

[jhanic]

I don't ask my wife how much she spends on clothes and she doesn't ask how much I spend on books. Works like a charm!

John

[Chooch]

Its funny to read this today, because my husband and I just had this conversation last night. Although financial concerns are definitely a problem of mine ( you should see the collection I have when I'm asleep...lol ) I still have a fairly decent collection and I'm always scouring to find deals to make money to buy more for my collection.

My husband doesn't understand this AT ALL. However, he has his own passion and hobby and that is RC helicopters. Those stupid things easily go for around the 1000 to 1500 dollar range ( the ones he flies anyway ) and when they crash, which they inevitably do, even if you just break blades...thats at least 80 for a new pair.

I think everyone has their own passions and loves when it comes to collecting things, and may not understand someone else's love for something but certainly understand their own.

Maybe your fiancee likes clothes, or shoes or handbags ??? Does she have to have the 100 dollar jeans while your fine with Lees or Wrangers..lol, does she have to have those 100 dollar shoes or that 2 or 3 hundred dollar Coach purse ? Same thing. People are just willing to spend money on things they love....So unless you happen to be with someone who has the same passions that you do, I think those discussions about "why" will always be there.

Hey I fly RC Helis also and you are right those damn things cost a bundle and of coure you crash and spend even more !!! I dont know how my wife puts up with me but as we both say " Life is too short - Money isnt everthing" but when it comes to SK its more then a hobby, its a passion to hold something in your hands that no one else (other than other collectors) have or would ever understand. I also look at it as a long term investment (its doing better than my 401k) and its tangable, if I had to I could liquidate easly.

[e_taylor]

Its funny to read this today, because my husband and I just had this conversation last night. Although financial concerns are definitely a problem of mine ( you should see the collection I have when I'm asleep...lol ) I still have a fairly decent collection and I'm always scouring to find deals to make money to buy more for my collection.

My husband doesn't understand this AT ALL. However, he has his own passion and hobby and that is RC helicopters. Those stupid things easily go for around the 1000 to 1500 dollar range ( the ones he flies anyway ) and when they crash, which they inevitably do, even if you just break blades...thats at least 80 for a new pair.

I think everyone has their own passions and loves when it comes to collecting things, and may not understand someone else's love for something but certainly understand their own.

Maybe your fiancee likes clothes, or shoes or handbags ??? Does she have to have the 100 dollar jeans while your fine with Lees or Wrangers..lol, does she have to have those 100 dollar shoes or that 2 or 3 hundred dollar Coach purse ? Same thing. People are just willing to spend money on things they love....So unless you happen to be with someone who has the same passions that you do, I think those discussions about "why" will always be there.

Hey I fly RC Helis also and you are right those damn things cost a bundle and of coure you crash and spend even more !!! I dont know how my wife puts up with me but as we both say " Life is too short - Money isnt everthing" but when it comes to SK its more then a hobby, its a passion to hold something in your hands that no one else (other than other collectors) have or would ever understand. I also look at it as a long term investment (its doing better than my 401k) and its tangable, if I had to I could liquidate easly.

Thats how I look at it too! Not that I'd ever sell my collection, and my goal isn't to flip it for a profit, but if worse came to worst, its a back up plan.

[Gunkslinger]

I don't ask my wife how much she spends on clothes and she doesn't ask how much I spend on books. Works like a charm!

John

I'm with you John, if she starts inquiring about me buying books or art, I just walk into her closet and take a look around.

[jhanic]

My wife has EVERY closet in our home filled with her clothes--and lots of "opposite season" clothes packed away in boxes. She grew up with very little and discovered that she liked new clothes. I don't begrudge her any of them. Of course, it helped that she worked part-time in a women's dress shop for a long time--lots of discounts!

John

[Girlystevedave]

My husband doesn't read, but luckily, he understands my ocd tendencies when it comes to collecting books. It was actually his idea for me to get 2 copies of every DT comic I purchased. That way I have one to read, and one put away for safekeeping.

[tippy4]

My wife tolerates my collecting...barely.

Like you and your Heart Shaped Box, I have many titles that I have several copies of. Take Dark Tower 5 for example. I have a trade edition for reading, a trade edition still sealed in shrinkwrap from Grant, a trade edtition signed by Bernie Wrightson, a trade edition signed by Stephen King, an artist edition, and a signed/limited edition. That is six copies of the same title.

Unfortunatley, unlike the spouses and significant others mentioed above, mine does not have a hobby that requires money. She is not a clothes-fiend, does not fly RC helicopters, nor does she buy and restore classic cars.

That being the case, when a box shows up on my doorstep, and she is giving me a hard time about it (as she does each and every time), I cannot say to her..."Oh yeah? Well, what about all the money you spend on X?"

But, she loves me and understands that this is my "thing" and that it makes me happy....so she puts up with it....for now.

[inertia1215]

My wife tolerates my collecting...barely.

Like you and your Heart Shaped Box, I have many titles that I have several copies of. Take Dark Tower 5 for example. I have a trade edition for reading, a trade edition still sealed in shrinkwrap from Grant, a trade edtition signed by Bernie Wrightson, a trade edition signed by Stephen King, an artist edition, and a signed/limited edition. That is six copies of the same title.

Unfortunatley, unlike the spouses and significant others mentioed above, mine does not have a hobby that requires money. She is not a clothes-fiend, does not fly RC helicopters, nor does she buy and restore classic cars.

That being the case, when a box shows up on my doorstep, and she is giving me a hard time about it (as she does each and every time), I cannot say to her..."Oh yeah? Well, what about all the money you spend on X?"

But, she loves me and understand that this is my "thing" and that it makes me happy....so she puts up with it....for now.

Tippy, my girl read this, and said "exactly!!!!!!!"

She has said many times, its only because it makes me happy that she tolerates it.for now. and thats good enough for me. for now.

[Patrick]

It's possible that tippy's wife and mine are long lost soul sisters.

[flaggwalkstheline]

the female I'm currently in a relationship with is just as much a nerd as me so its all cool

[Pasiuk57]

My wife understands the collector mentality. I have a separate checking account for buying and selling books. I only use that money for books so it never comes out of "our" money. My wife has a separate checking account too(we both work!) and she can buy 100 pair of shoes with her money and I'm fine with it. It works like a charm! We never argue about money. I was advised by a friend of mine to do this years ago and no problems since then! BUT, she is really easy going loving woman! I am very lucky as a few people know just how much King and other stuff I own, I am lucky!

[NeedfulKings]

My wife (BedOfRoses here) is a collector like I am, so we're good. In fact, she may spend more than I do, although several of those purchases were FOR me. As I have several copies of the same titles, she does the same with the authors she collects.

In the end, I have far more books that she does, but my authors are more prolific. And she's a huge King fan, so that collection is basically "ours."

[Fsmdr]

My wife (BedOfRoses here) is a collector like I am, so we're good. In fact, she may spend more than I do, although several of those purchases were FOR me. As I have several copies of the same titles, she does the same with the authors she collects.

In the end, I have far more books that she does, but my authors are more prolific. And she's a huge King fan, so that collection is basically "ours."

I think I am actually lucky my husband does not collect what I do, else there will be no money left for food!.

[NeedfulKings]

My wife (BedOfRoses here) is a collector like I am, so we're good. In fact, she may spend more than I do, although several of those purchases were FOR me. As I have several copies of the same titles, she does the same with the authors she collects.

In the end, I have far more books that she does, but my authors are more prolific. And she's a huge King fan, so that collection is basically "ours."

I think I am actually lucky my husband does not collect what I do, else there will be no money left for food!.

THAT'S why I'm so frickin' hungry!!!!