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Thread: Nanowrimo

  1. #101
    Gunslinger Apprentice arrawyn is on a distinguished road

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    i'm currently at 31,500-ish - and seriously my fingers are sore! i managed to do 15k last weekend and from now on i'm going to try to write 2000 / day.

    but i'm finding i'm starting to slow down a lot now/lose motivation. i have an vague outline all done up so all i need to do is follow it and fill stuff in...

    i have a local write-in to go to tonight so hopefully that'll help pick me up!!

    congrats to everyone who's doing this so far! and thanks to all who are offering us encouragement!

  2. #102
    Gunslinger Apprentice arrawyn is on a distinguished road

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    How is everyone doing?!?! Well I hope!!

    I've almost reached 41k today... (and boy are my fingers tired!)

    I have to say my story is pretty much super crappy, but if i edit the **** out of it later,it could possibly, maybe, be actually half way decent!

  3. #103
    Constant Reader Darkthoughts has a spectacular aura about Darkthoughts has a spectacular aura about Darkthoughts has a spectacular aura about Darkthoughts's Avatar

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    Wow!! I am totally in awe Well done, seriously!!

  4. #104
    BAZZINGA candy is a jewel in the rough candy is a jewel in the rough candy is a jewel in the rough candy's Avatar

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    wow, you are all doing really well, and we are only 12 days in!!!

  5. #105
    Gunslinger Apprentice arrawyn is on a distinguished road

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    thanks guys! i'm kinda surprised myself! i've now passed the 45k mark (just!) so about 4500 words to go! (but not to the end of my story - i'm hoping it'll maybe get to 55 or 60k...).


    How are you doing Darkthoughts?!?!?! wishing you tons of GOOD LUCK!!!

  6. #106
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    Thank you I'm upto 15000 after a full morning of writing. I have the whole week off work so I'm hoping to be on target if not over by the weekend

  7. #107
    Guardian of the Beam Tito_Villa is a glorious beacon of light Tito_Villa is a glorious beacon of light Tito_Villa is a glorious beacon of light Tito_Villa is a glorious beacon of light Tito_Villa is a glorious beacon of light Tito_Villa's Avatar

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    Wow im impressed with how things are going with everyone!

  8. #108
    Gunslinger Apprentice arrawyn is on a distinguished road

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    Quote Originally Posted by Darkthoughts View Post
    Thank you I'm upto 15000 after a full morning of writing. I have the whole week off work so I'm hoping to be on target if not over by the weekend
    yay thats awesome! hope you've been able to write as much as you were hoping so far this week! i am off work tomorrow and friday (and next monday) so i'm pretty sure i'll be done this weekend. i'm thinking i'll reach 50k tomorrow (i'm already at 47.5ish) and probably totally finish my story this weekend. i hope it will be close to 55 or 60 K but i'll be happy whatever it ends up being. I'm actually going to be sad to stop writing about it! i've been getting into a good flow with it the last 2 days - even though i've plotted out my whole story with a fairly detailed outline, there have been some surprising bits that have just sprung up out of nowhere!...

    can i ask whats your username on the Nano forums? i'd love to read about your story plot! if you don't wanna tell me, that's fine too. sorry if i'm being too nosey!! i'm just curious and love reading everyone's story synopsis. i'm impressed by the variety of stuff everyone is writing! its all so cool and creative!

    i'm... arrawyn on the forum. no change there haha. i'm arrawyn everywhere online!

  9. #109
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    Yep, I'm Darkthoughts there too! I haven't put up a synopsis, I've mainly just dropped in, updated word count and left before I got chatting and procrastinating. I'll see if I can write something up

  10. #110
    Gunslinger Apprentice arrawyn is on a distinguished road

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    okay i'm officially finished my NaNo novel!! which is good because my right wrist was starting to hurt! lol. and now i can rest it for awhile before i start hacking apart my draft when i edit it!!!

    i am sad i'm done though... i hoped to be able to stretch it out more than I did but oh well.... maybe it'll expand a bit on editing...hopefully!

  11. #111
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    you can do it peoples, you can do it. whooo hoooo i believe in you

    Quote Originally Posted by arrawyn View Post
    okay i'm officially finished my NaNo novel!! which is good because my right wrist was starting to hurt! lol. and now i can rest it for awhile before i start hacking apart my draft when i edit it!!!

    i am sad i'm done though... i hoped to be able to stretch it out more than I did but oh well.... maybe it'll expand a bit on editing...hopefully!
    wow. i mean wow............................................... ......
    serious congratulations with that, finished the whole thing in what 20 days?

  12. #112
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    I don't know if I can get to 50000 words in time, but I really like my story, so I'm still steaming ahead

  13. #113
    The Tenant Jean has much to be proud of Jean has much to be proud of Jean has much to be proud of Jean has much to be proud of Jean has much to be proud of Jean has much to be proud of Jean has much to be proud of Jean has much to be proud of Jean has much to be proud of Jean has much to be proud of Jean's Avatar

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    do it! do it!!!


    Ask not what bears can do for you, but what you can do for bears. (razz)
    When one is in agreement with bears one is always correct. (mae)

    bears are back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  14. #114
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    I'm being very dedicated, I just passed up on going for coffee with my sister in favour of staying in writing!

  15. #115
    Gunslinger Apprentice arrawyn is on a distinguished road

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    good for you! you can go for coffee with your sister as a reward when you're done!

  16. #116
    The Tenant Jean has much to be proud of Jean has much to be proud of Jean has much to be proud of Jean has much to be proud of Jean has much to be proud of Jean has much to be proud of Jean has much to be proud of Jean has much to be proud of Jean has much to be proud of Jean has much to be proud of Jean's Avatar

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    does someone know if it still exists? anyone participating?

    Ask not what bears can do for you, but what you can do for bears. (razz)
    When one is in agreement with bears one is always correct. (mae)

    bears are back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  17. #117
    Gunslinger Apprentice terrier91 has a spectacular aura about terrier91 has a spectacular aura about terrier91's Avatar

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    I'm four days late, but attempting it this year.... Though with my schedule, it'll probably be National Novella Writing Month.

  18. #118
    Going Slap Happy Mattrick is a splendid one to behold Mattrick is a splendid one to behold Mattrick is a splendid one to behold Mattrick is a splendid one to behold Mattrick is a splendid one to behold Mattrick is a splendid one to behold Mattrick is a splendid one to behold Mattrick's Avatar

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    I did my NaNoWriMo in June when I wrote 43500 words in 3 weeks. And here I am in November, again, with things go on that prevent me from actually participating. While I like the idea, it's never really applied to me or how I write, and now that I've actually written a book, I'm constantly writing all the time, so November is really no different than June for me. It's funny that I'm currently writing two novels this November lol

    Good luck, though! It's a good exercise to get into a grind.
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  19. #119
    Caution: eye irritant Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon's Avatar

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    Good luck to all the Baanarimo folks... LOL


    My son and I work our asses off this month.
    “Give me the sense to wonder, to wonder if I'm free."

  20. #120
    Going Slap Happy Mattrick is a splendid one to behold Mattrick is a splendid one to behold Mattrick is a splendid one to behold Mattrick is a splendid one to behold Mattrick is a splendid one to behold Mattrick is a splendid one to behold Mattrick is a splendid one to behold Mattrick's Avatar

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    You should share your results on here as you write them. While I'm not participating directly, I can share what I've written so far this month...as out of context as it would be without the first 11,000 words lol
    Like Counter Culture Shock on Facebook

  21. #121
    Going Slap Happy Mattrick is a splendid one to behold Mattrick is a splendid one to behold Mattrick is a splendid one to behold Mattrick is a splendid one to behold Mattrick is a splendid one to behold Mattrick is a splendid one to behold Mattrick is a splendid one to behold Mattrick's Avatar

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    “How are things?”
    “Shitty,” Will said and took a huge bite from his monte cristo sandwich. As he chewed, he said, “But I’m trying to stay positive.”
    “Guess that’s all you can do.”
    “Tell me about it!”
    “And Karen?”
    Will swallowed. “I don’t even know. She’s been acting strange.”
    “Can you blame her?”
    “No, it’s not that I blame her, I’m just—worried. I’ve never seen her like this. You know Karen. She’s bubbly as all hell. But the past couple of weeks,” he takes another huge bite. “It’s like I don’t even recognize her.”
    “She’s seeing that shrink, right?”
    “Oh, don’t you dare call her a shrink around Karen. She thinks it’s a pejorative term, not against the doctor, but the patient. She says normal people see therapists, crazy people see shrinks.”
    “I get that. Listen—Jeremy was talking to me the other day, and—”
    “What?” Will dropped his sandwiched and a goblet of cheese jettisoned onto his button-up. “What, Paulie? What did Jeremy say?”
    “He said you should take some time off.”
    “What? And he couldn’t say this to my face? He’s supposed to be the goddamn boss!”
    Paulie bit off half a crinkle-cut French fry and dropped the uneaten half on his pile. “He didn’t know how to broach the subject. The two of you have been butting heads a lot lately. He was afraid you’d think he was trying to edge you out.”
    “Well, isn’t he?” Will slapped the table hard. “I know what this is about. This is about the City Hall story. He blames me for it, doesn’t he?”
    “I can’t—”
    “It’s the fucking fact checkers he should be getting rid of. Useless gits they are.”
    “He doesn’t want to fire you, Will. He’s worried about you.”
    “The hell he is!”
    “Will, we’re all worried about you. He didn’t talk to me to go behind your back. He talked to me to get my opinion and to ask me to bring it up with you because he didn’t want to upset you.”
    “I’m upset anyways!” He screamed and hit the table again, and in the stark quiet all that could be heard was the fading echo of his bouncing fork. He held up his hand to apologize to the waitress who was burning a hole in him before biting into his sandwich.
    “I know you’re upset. You’re upset at work, out to lunch, on the train home.” Paulie found the remaining half of the French fry and ate it. “And I’m sure you’re upset at home too.”
    “I haven’t been sleeping very well. Karen, she—she just lies awake all night, staring at the ceiling, and I can feel that she’s awake and that feeling won’t let me sleep. But I don’t know what to say or how to comfort her. I don’t know who she is, Paulie. I’m in bed with a stranger. Don’t you get that?”
    “Come on. She can’t have changed that much.”
    “Oh, she has. How about this, dinner, my place, Saturday night, you bring Penny. Then you can see for yourself.”
    “We’re actually going up to Penny’s parents Saturday night.”
    “Friday then.”
    “Friday—yeah, Friday works.”
    “Good. At the very least, maybe dinner with old friends will lift her up a bit.”
    “We can only hope.”
    Will picked up what was left of his sandwich and looked at it almost in disgust. “I can’t eat anymore. My appetite just died on me.”
    “I’ll be done in a minute.”
    “With the way you eat your French fries? You wish.”
    Paulie bit a French fry in half. “Are you going to think about it?”
    “Think about what?”
    “Taking time off? Karen needs you. Nova needs you. The Globe and Mail will get along just fine without you for a couple of weeks.”
    “I’ll think about it.”
    “You’re not just blowin’ smoke up my ass are you?”
    “No.”
    “Alright then.” He ate the other half of his French fry. “You look like shit, by the way.”
    Will laughed and said, “Fuck you.”

    ************

    The doorbell rang. Karen rushed to it, but before she opened it she adjusted her hair.
    “Hi guys!” She said, jumping without actually leaving the ground. “Come in! Come in!”
    Paulie and Penny entered the house smiling, carrying a bottle of wine and bakery bought cherry pie respectively. Will came out of the kitchen taking off oven mitts and took their guests coats and hung them on the rack.
    “So,” Penny said as she handed Will the pie. “Are you going to make me wait all night to see Nova?”
    “Lord, I forgot you haven’t seen her yet.”
    “I’ve seen pictures, but pictures never do the living justice.”
    “My wife, the poet!” Paulie said.
    “Stop it,” Penny said and playfully hit Paulie on the arm.
    “You two girls go run along,” Paulie said as he held up the wine bottle with an incorrigible grin. “We have a bottle to put on ice.”
    “It’s takes two of you?” Penny said as her and Karen started down the hall.
    “You going to let her insult you like that?” Will said and slapped Paulie on the back.
    “She was insulting you too, you know. And why does everyone keep hitting me?”
    “Because you’re just so hittable, darling!” Penny called, out of sight.
    “Yeah, yeah.” Paulie moved in close to Will, winked, and motioned with his head for Will to look down as he pulled out a flask. “You don’t think all I brought was wine, did you?”
    “Not for a second.”
    In the kitchen, Will took two clear, round glasses out of the cupboard, placed three ice cubes in each of them, and set them on the counter in front of Paulie, who emptied a quarter of his flask into each of them, and handed a glass to Will.
    Smiling, Paulie reached out and he and Will clinked glasses. They both took a deep drink and expunged a breath of pure pleasure.
    “Your taste is impeccable,” Will said, turning the glass in his palm.
    “Well, I sure as hell don’t buy my stuff at the LCBO. That stuff is swill, all of it.”
    “Even Jameson?”
    “Well, except Jameson.” Paulie finished his drink and set it down on the counter. “Karen seems alright tonight.”
    “She’s not. If you’d have seen her face transform when the doorbell rang, you’d know that. She’s like a changeling.”
    “Man, don’t say shit like that about your wife.”
    “I was joking.”
    “No, you weren’t. All jokes come from a place of truth.”
    “So what if I meant it?”
    “So nothing. But if she is changing as you say, then you cannot change. You have to remain the same. If you change, it will be impossible to bring her back.”
    “That makes sense.”
    “I was doing some reading on something called Postpartum Depression.”
    “Yeah, I’ve know it. Remember the story we printed about that woman who drowned her twin baby boys in the bathtub a few years back?”
    “Shit no,” Paulie said. Grimacing, he made another drink. “I probably blocked that out. Fucking miserable shit going on out there.”
    “That’s why I’m—”
    “Wait, don’t tell me—you don’t think—”
    “I don’t think, okay? Just do me a favour and take mental notes over dinner.”
    The sounds of their wives could be heard coming down the hall.
    “Don’t make it seem like you’re watching her, and if—hi Kay.”
    “Were you two telling secrets?” Karen said.
    “They’re drinking them,” Penny said. “I thought I told you no booze tonight.”
    “Honey, it’s just one drink. And besides, we already brought wine.”
    “For them to have later. It’s a gift, Paul. You know Karen can’t drink.”
    Karen held up her hands. “No, it’s fine. Drink! Be merry!”
    Penny touched Karen’s arm. “You sure?”
    “Of course.”
    The next sound was Paulie popping the cork out of the wine bottle.
    “Don’t think you’re still not in trouble, mister.” Penny said
    Paulie smiled and said, “Like you can be mad at this face.”

    **********


    Half an hour and half a bottle of Pinot Grigio later, they were in the midst of eating dinner, which consisted of a maple-glazed pork roast, garlic and herb mashed potatoes, asparagus, and a big Caesar salad. The entire time Paulie watched Karen in his periphery, and so far nothing had him the slightest bit concerned. To him, she was her usual, bubbly self. But as he watched Karen with his right eye, he kept his left scanning Will and any abnormal behaviours on his part. In his research he learned men too can suffer from postpartum and, if he was, such a condition could make other people seem different instead.
    “So, Penny told me you guys were taking a trip.” Karen said and sipped her ice water.
    “Yep. The Bahamas. In exactly eighty-six days I’ll be on a beach getting a gnarly sunburn. I can’t fucking wait.”
    “When are we going to take a trip like that?”
    “What about our honeymoon?” Will said as he chewed pork.
    “That doesn’t count, silly.” Karen said with a fey flick of her hand.
    “No?”
    “She’s right,” Paulie said. “She will always be right, even if she’s wrong.”
    “Prick,” Penny said and waved her napkin in his face.
    “I’m a proud prick. And you love it.”
    Karen seemed to hear something and a slight look of worriment crossed her face, but half a second later a toothy grin took over.
    “Oh, you know me so well.”
    “Damn straight,” Paulie said and refilled his wine glass.
    “How many is that?”
    “I’ll be okay to drive.”
    “No more.”
    “All the more for me!” Will said and snatched the bottle of the table.
    They all laughed; Paulie saw it with his studious glances.
    “How’s work going?” Karen said to Penny.
    “My boss doesn’t know what the hell he wants. Don’t know how he got promoted being so indecisive. And these damn newfangled computers we just got are frustrating.”
    “You’ll get used to them,” Will said. “Computers really are more efficient.”
    “And I say by the time the nineties roll around, they won’t suck,” Paulie said. “Pass the salt, Will.”
    Will passed the salt and said, “They’re not that bad.”
    “And you also grew up with disco. What does your generation know?”
    “I’m five years younger than you! And I hate disco.”
    “Paul, dear,” Penny said, pointing at him with a stalk of flaccid asparagus. “You like The Bee Gees.”
    “Yeah, but they’ve been around since the fifties.”
    “But still, The Bee Gees.”
    “She’s got you there,” Will said.
    “Damn you all. I love The Bee Gees.”
    “Finish my wine, Honey.”
    “Don’t mind if I do,” Paulie said as he took the glass from his wife’s hand and emptied it in his mouth.
    “Seems we’re all just about done eating,” Karen said. “Dessert?”
    As she stood, Paulie jumped up, placed his hands on her shoulders, and gently pushed her back into her seat. “You sit. I got this.”
    “You’re such a gentleman,” Karen said with a quick smile.
    To his wife, Paulie said, “Hear that? She called me a gentleman.”
    “After a few, you’re quite the charmer.”
    Paulie gave her a ‘you got me’ smile and headed into the kitchen.
    “Now that it’s just the adults,” Penny said, leaning into the table as if prepared to tell a secret. “Me and Paul decided we’re going to try again.”
    “For a child?” Will said.
    “Yes. We aren’t getting any younger, and we’re at the point now where we’re stable enough. It would be a crime for us not to have a child.”
    “Hoping for a girl?” Karen said.
    “He is. I want a boy.”
    “Maybe you’ll get something in between and you can both be happy,” Will said.
    “Will!” Karen said.
    “Was just a joke.”
    “Well it wasn’t funny!”
    “Karen,” Penny said. “It’s okay. He didn’t mean anything by it.”
    “See what happens when I leave the room?” Paullie said when he entered the dining room almost dancing with the pie held out in front. “I’m the glue.”
    Paulie set down the warm pie and as he served each of the them a piece, he said, “Now this pie is a very special pie. It is from a little known bakery in Markham, and let me tell you, this place has the best baked goods I’ve ever had. It’s ruined me for any other pastry.”
    Karen was given the first slice so she also took the first bite. She slapped her leg it tasted so good. “I must be dreaming. No pie can be this good.”
    “Believe it sister.”
    “Jesus!” Will said with a mouthful.
    “Told you.”
    “Him bringing home all these pies and napoleons and lady fingers is the reason why I’ve plumped up a little bit.”
    “Penny, you’re crazy,” Karen said, holding the next forkful of cherry pie in the air, ready to go. “You look great. It’ll be months before I drop all this baby weight.”
    “Shut up, the both of you,” Will said. “You both look great.”
    Paulie pointed at Will. “What he said.”
    Minutes later, when the last bite of pie was swallowed, an alarm went off down the hall. Will stood up.
    “No, you clear the table,” Karen said. She wiped the red from her chin and stood up. “I’ve got her.”
    “You sure?”
    She nodded, and hurried out of the room.
    Penny excused herself to use the washroom.
    Will and Paulie cleared the table, and when they were done, Paulie produced two cigars from his jacket pocket and said, “Balcony?”

    **************

    She just needed to get out of there. She was suffocating amidst the small talk. Trying to keep that ostensive smile alive was torturous. What did it matter to anything that Paulie liked the Bee Gees or that he and Penny would be escaping to the Caribbean? Talking about pie? None of it mattered to her. There was something wrong with her baby and in all likelihood something will always be wrong with her. Karen was powerless. As she gazed down upon Nova, she hated Penny and Paulie for still being exactly who they had always been. Will wasn’t the same either.
    “You,” she said to her daughter. “You’ve ruined everything.”
    Karen began to cry at her own assertion. She cried because that was what she honestly believed. Nova was supposed to bring them happiness but she’s brought nothing but strife and stress. A new mother should not feel such abject misery. They should feel only the most jubilant of ecstasies day in and day out. She did not expect motherhood to be a cakewalk. She expected stress. She expected sore nipples, sleepless nights, and days where she wanted to tear her out her hair. What she did not expect was that festering emptiness which was consuming her a little more each day. And she was full of rage, rage that she could not express or expunge, rage that was being stored inside her emptiness, and there it simmered. She doesn’t want to hate her daughter because she doesn’t hate her daughter. She doesn’t what to hate her daughter because her daughter did nothing wrong. Yet, there she was, mentally strangling it with hatred.
    “Why did I agree to this dinner?” She whispered to herself. “Because Will didn’t give me a choice in the matter, that’s why.”
    Karen took off Nova’s diaper and the most heinous smell ever attacked her. She tossed the dirty diaper into the trash, cleaned her, and put her in a new diaper.
    ‘You’re so beautiful,” she said, stroking Nova’s tuft of blonde hair as if she could actually feel it.
    Light flooded the dim nursery.
    “Need a hand?” Penny said.
    “No thanks. Just had to change her,” she said, subtly grimacing as she forces herself to smile again. “All done now.”
    “Karen, we haven’t really had much chance to talk between the two of us, and I was wondering if we could.”
    “Say whatever is on your mind.”
    “Mostly I just want to ask, how are you holding up?”
    “As good as you’d expect.”
    “I wouldn’t even know what to expect. You know me, me and Paul, we’re going to be here for you two every step of the way, right?”
    “That means a lot to us.”
    “We’ve may have only known each other a couple of years, but you’ve become like a sister to me. And, I’m worried about you. Will too. Speaking of which, has he made a decision yet?”
    “What decision?”
    “Oh, shit! Forget I said anything.”
    “You have to tell me now.”
    “Paul came to me a week ago, said Jeremy wanted Will to take some time off and wanted Paul to talk him into it.”
    “Has his work been suffering?”
    “Paul says he doesn’t see it,” Penny put her hands on her hips. “He said Will wasn’t too pleased with the idea.”
    “No, he wouldn’t be. He wants his escape from this.”
    “Is that what you think?”
    “It’s what I know. That’s not to say he isn’t invested in us, but I know he knows he’ll go crazy if he’s here with me all day. I want him here with me. It’s hard being alone with this most of the day, but—maybe it’s best this way. Or maybe not. I don’t know anymore. What do you think? Should he take time off? What does Paul think?”
    “Paul thinks he should consider it. Though he said Will thinks this is Jeremy’s way of getting rid of him.”
    “Would Jeremy do that? You’ve known him longer than me.”
    “Honestly? Yes, I wouldn’t put it passed him. Will he? That I’m not as certain about. Jeremy is a shrewd boss, but he’s got kids of his own, and I don’t think he’s heartless enough to fire someone when they’re going through what Will is, but you never know.”
    “If Will were to lose his job—”




    I'm not particularly pleased with that last conversation. When I re-write it won't resemble that at all. I don't have enough of a grasp of who Penny is yet, I think.
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  22. #122
    Going Slap Happy Mattrick is a splendid one to behold Mattrick is a splendid one to behold Mattrick is a splendid one to behold Mattrick is a splendid one to behold Mattrick is a splendid one to behold Mattrick is a splendid one to behold Mattrick is a splendid one to behold Mattrick's Avatar

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    What I wrote yesterday, just shy of 2,000 words


    Will shot a billow of smoke from his mouth and leaned back in his chair. “Goddamn that’s good.”
    “I know, I know,” Paulie said, gazing down upon his smouldering cigar with admiration. “I have impeccable taste.” He patted his stomach and said, “Karen is a terrific cook. I haven’t ate a meal like that in awhile. Me and Penny eat out too much these days.”
    “It shows.”
    “Nah. That’s the whiskey.”
    “I’m sure it is.”
    “Speaking of which,” he pulled out his flash that cast the reflection of the moonlight in Will’s face, “Still some left.” He took a swig and passed it.
    “You’re such a lush,” Will said and took a swig. “I can never drink much because Karen isn’t much of a drinker. And apparently I become an asshole when I drink.”
    “It happens to the best of us.”
    “Except you.”
    “I’m not the best of us.”
    Will passed the flask back and filled his mouth with smoke. He looked up at the near-full moon on the cloudless, spring night and realized whatever soothing presence the moon once gave him, like a watchful face that always reminded him he would never be alone, was gone, and all that remained with pity; Paulie pitied him, and so did Penny and Jeremy and god knows who else. To Will, pity is the second most useless emotion behind insecurity, and, to be frank, he couldn’t stop feeling either one of them. “How’d she seem to you?”
    “Pretty normal.”
    “Yeah. She did seem normal. Maybe it was you two. Tonight felt like old times.”
    “The times weren’t all that old.”
    “They were to us.”
    “Glad to be of service,” Paulie said and tipped the flask. He held the flask out. “Want another nip?”
    “Do you have to ask?”
    “You finish that up. I’m already probably a little too tipsy to drive.”
    Will finished it up right away.
    “You know,” Paulie began before stopping to haul on his cigar. “There was one thing tonight that perturbed me, about Karen.”
    “What was it?”
    “During dinner I caught a look on her face. It was only there for a second, but it was pure hysteria. Like in that second she thought a hundred thoughts and none of them good. And then, like someone flicked a switch, she was smiling.” He tapped the ash from his cigar. “At first—at first I thought nothing of it, but now I think I see what you’ve been seeing. She was wearing a mask tonight, wasn’t she?”
    “She was.” Will said with a sigh, as a lone, black cloud invaded the moon. “Do you think I should talk with her about it?”
    “I wouldn’t. But hey, that’s me, and I’m a pussy. Sometimes women just need to feel it and get it out of their system. They’re not like us. They can only pretend things are okay for so long. At least she’s seeing that therapist. What about you?”
    “What about me?”
    “Maybe you should see a therapist.”
    “What the hell for?”
    “For her. For both of them.” Paulie pointed at him with the cigar. “You’re the man of the house. Even if you’re all fucked up inside, you gotta act like you’re okay. But you can only do that so long. You need to, in some way, get all that negativity out.”
    “But I got you.”
    “Buddy, I’m your friend. I got a different role. I’m the guy who is going to smoke cigars with you over a few drinks and talk about how stupid Cox was for not putting Key in the game after Steib gave up four straight singles. That four spot in the fifth cost us the game.”
    “So you’re going to pass the buck, eh?”
    “No. I’ll talk about whatever with you, but that can’t be our relationship. You get that?”
    “I do.”
    “Good. Because smoking cigars over a few drinks, I need that. We’re guys. We need this, what we got right here, right now. It’s what keeps us sane. If that gets poisoned, we’re all done for.”
    Will smiled when the cloud gave the moon back to him. He was glad to have someone like Paulie as a friend: he was true blue, a real old school man with a new school flavour. “And you’re an idiot. With the year Steib has been having, you have to leave him in. He shut it down the next two innings.”
    “But he still lost us the game. If we’re ever going to win a pennant we have to stop losing games in half an inning against good teams like The Royals.”
    “We’re taking the pennant this year.”
    “Yeah, sure. And the Leafs are going to win the cup next year.”


    **************

    “So how come you didn’t tell me?” Karen said, sitting up in bed, her face barely lit by the night table lamp.
    “Tell you what?” Will said, as he was stripping down to his boxers.
    “That you were asked to take time off.”
    “Because I’m not giving it much thought.”
    “Why not?”
    Will looked at Karen with a face she couldn’t stand. It was his face when he wanted to brush everything under the rug.
    “Do you really want to do this now?”
    “When else should we do it? Where you even going to tell me?”
    He threw his button-up on the floor by the door and said, “Eventually.”
    “Which means no. Am I right?”
    “No.”
    Karen crossed her arms and looked at the wall.
    “Don’t be like that,” he said.
    “Like what? Pissed off? It’s your fault. Don’t cause me to be pissed off then blame it on me.”
    “I didn’t do anything!”
    “That’s why I’m pissed. Because you didn’t do anything.”
    “Penny told you, didn’t she?”
    “She thought I knew. And she was right to think that in the past four days you would have talked with me about it, so don’t be mad at her.”
    “I’m not mad at—” Will took a breathe and sat on the end of the bed. He reached for her foot beneath the blanket and she pulled it toward her. “Kay?”
    “I’m so mad at you right now.”
    “Because you don’t want me to work, is that it?”
    “No.”
    “I think it is!” He stood up and began to pace around the room. “What, do you think I’m going to work because I want to? We need money, Kay. Having a baby isn’t cheap, let alone—so what would you have me do? Quit? Take a leave of absence which may be longer than temporary You want to lose our apartment?”
    “No! I don’t want any of that!”
    “Then what do you want? Huh?”
    “I don’t want to be alone with this!”
    “Is that what you think? That you’re alone?”
    Karen sucked back the first of her tears and nodded.
    “Christ, Kay.” He sat on the bed beside her with his back turned to her. “Maybe I have been distant. Been too involved with my work, it’s just that—I’m scared.”
    “And I’m not? I’m terrified. Terrified!”
    “Maybe taking some time off wouldn’t be the worst thing.”
    “No, I think it will be.”
    “What? But you—”
    Karen sat up, threw her arms around him, and leaned her chin against his shoulder. “I’m not mad you don’t want to take time off. I’m mad you didn’t tell me about it.” It was at that moment that Karen broke down into horrible sobbing.
    Will turned and she tossed her body into his chest. As he squeezed her she wanted to feel okay, but she didn’t. His embrace made her feel worse, as if their marriage had become a mere mockery for their joint terror because he began to cry to, and she had never seen him cry before. It was at that moment that she realized that Will could do nothing to help her and she could do nothing to help him, and while they were connected through this prolonged and trepidatious embrace, she may as well have been hugging a stranger.
    “Don’t leave me in the dark,” she whispered. “Don’t ever leave me in the dark again. I need you to be my light. Be my light. Be my light.”
    “I will.”
    They kissed and made up without resolving any of their issues. For an hour and a half the two of them lay next to each other in bed, not facing each other, not touching each other, wide awake, listening to the orchestra of crickets accompanied by the growing wind of an approaching storm, until the alarm went off. Karen trudged down the dark hallway into the nursery and started the now mechanical yet increasingly arduous process of feeding Nova.
    She held Nova up and stared into her pale, beautiful face, a face she could finally see had so much of Will in it. She smiled and began to shake Nova. She thrashed her arms and Nova’s limp head bounced around as she screamed, “Cry goddamn you! Cry! Make a fucking sound!”
    She opened her eyes to find Nova in the crook of her arm; she fell asleep on the sofa. She detached the feeding tube and set her back down in her crib. It was then she noticed her shit was clinging to her heaving bosom because her entire body was slick with sweat. She heard a baby crying and looked down but it wasn’t Nova. Nova was asleep. She thinks Nova was asleep. She can never tell. Is her baby sleeping or is it awake. Is it alive or is it dead? If it weren’t for the diapers filling up with piss and shit she’d have no way to know. The room spun as the crying got louder and louder. She couldn’t block the sound out even when she painfully folded her ears together and grit her teeth. It wasn’t a baby crying. It was the alarm down the hall and it just shut off. She stuck her head into the hallway and the light in their room turned on. Karen silently raced down the hall, across their bedroom door, seeing Will rub his eyes in the corner of her eye, and locked herself in the bathroom.
    She took off her clothes, briefly seeing her fatter body in the mirror, and jumped in the shower. Beneath the droning hiss of the rushing water she laughed, then she cried, then she laughed while she was crying. She sat cross-legged. She couldn’t take her eyes off the water swirling down the drain. Will knocked on the door. He said her name. He tried the knob. He was so far away. Karen was all alone.
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  23. #123
    Along the Path of the Beam kaufen is on a distinguished road

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    My son is absolutely consumed by this every year!
    Last edited by kaufen; 11-30-2016 at 12:14 PM.

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