Poems in the key of KABLAM

[Seymour_Glass]

I was gonna quote and comment on just one, but they're all so good that that would be a disservice to the rest. Excellent work.

[flaggwalkstheline]

glad u like em

now I want u to do something
tilt ur head toward whatever direction new mexico is from u and listen really carefully

Spoiler:

BOOOM!!!

That is the sound of my ego finally making my head explode

[Jon]

FWtL...I am just hooked on your work, man!

[flaggwalkstheline]

I've got something massive that I'll post in the next day or so
I wrote it at a coffee shop where I do open mike readings after I found out about michael jackson's untimely death
its quite foul
I think I've finally mixed modernism and punk rock into a nasty mess

[Jon]

I'll be waiting.

[flaggwalkstheline]

here it is
I've been thinking of trying to get a webcam so I can post some live readings cause most of this stuff, especially this one, has full impact when read out loud and very loudly...


Manifesto of a childish anarchist


I’m rather weary
Of chasing epiphanies as if they were butterflies
Running aimlessly down a white walled maze in search of cheese
I refuse to believe I’m a diseased rodent
I refuse to click my heels and believe
I refuse to wiggle my nose and take in the stench of your clean lies
I refuse to give you the sweet molasses of my plague
I refuse the dry-cleaned lint of the modern world
The modern world will burn in it’s own tragic propane bong accident
But I won’t be the one to light the fuse to a supposedly retired cannon
I refuse to grow soft and doughy on a couch or in a chair
I refuse to be another skeleton voyeur
Wasted away to saliva and bones just looking for digital eden and my lost shaker of salt
Salt the earth where a garden once grew see if I care
I’m busy behind locked doors
Fucking myself in front of a screen with robot whores until I come dust
No shame for anything but the lack of real nail in the forehead love and the lack of shame

From dust thou art and to dust thou shalt return

I refuse to dream in Technicolor sunsets
Seeing things in black and white always suited me better anyway

I refuse to not read the books which in the end actually are vile

Wallowing in the filth of cosmic abandonment
Eventually we will all be buried on Mars
With our wallets and shopping carts half buried in red sand
I refuse the safety of a brightly lit supermarket aisle
Riding the squeaky wheeled shopping carts straight down to prepackaged hell

I refuse to not have a story to tell
I refuse to gasp at the shadow of a hooded saint martyring himself in front of a camera

I refuse to sputter out in a blaze of beerbelly glory
Like so many fools gold bling encrusted american dreams
Elvis on the toilet
Sad, alone and constipated
White jumpsuit stained with mashed banana and peanut butter

I refuse the electric humbugs spewing at a cardboard audience

“Cue the canned laughter!
Strike up the band!
More money more parades more plastic
Pay no attention to the politician behind the curtain
Applaud applaud you morons!
I know you cant read but you know what neon means!”

Eventually uncle sam will fall off his stripper pole and lose his hat
And all the overall wearing phd bearing howler monkeys will cheer

I refuse the need for an omnipotent incompetent benevolent uncle joe
To tuck you in at night under glossy tabloid sheets
I refuse the need for papers to prove my humanity
And a rainbow of pills to hold onto arbitrary sanity
I refuse the need for a nationwide cell I don’t know I’m in till I look out and see the bars
I refuse the poisoned newspapers they pass through my iron lung door
I wipe my ass with the stories of yesterday!

This is probably confusing of course…

“A horse! A horse!”
Shouts the heckler of the opera at the back of the powerpoint meeting hammering on his organ
I never learned to play piano only how to drop them cartoon like on anything good

The hecklers always go home to revenue supported catacombs

I refuse to dig my grave fro 50 hours a week
Just to keep renting the shovel
I will steal the rusted shovel and plant trees in the highway and highways in the sky
I refuse to sit by and watch the apple orchards I never walked in as a kid get torn down
I meant to eat everything eventually
I would have consumed it all myself
But preparing what I would consume next got in the way of the simple pleasure of
Gorging myself
I refuse always want more
More toys!
More furniture!
More food!
Shovel your fine cheeses and wine alongside a thousand value menu hamburgers down
My endless throat
I consume and speak of doom through a full mouth to try and fill the void in my head
I run the shopping cart down the aisles crashing into chemicals keeping the alive dead
I refuse to gladly trade heart disease tomorrow for a cheeseburger today

I refuse to believe in no nature but human nature
Crawling out of my hole in November like every other glue sniffing knight with no dragon
To slay
Slay me with laughter see if I eve smile, I’m busy sharpening my teeth on your sister

I refuse the divinity of holy grails full of holes which hold no water
No water but the spit of jig dancing snake oil selling creature featuring preachers
Masks sick with sweat and hunger

I refuse to have any nostalgia for the 20th century
Cruelest of all ages
It’s filth soils a million pages
A hundred years holding the burning sword
I will bury the 20th century and its two world wars
On the piss soaked headstone I’ll carve
“It’s history!”
And then smash the statues with my orange hammer
Idols of gandi, nixon, clinton, the beatles, duke ellington, nancy kerrigan and mau
Mau can kiss my red ass
No future no future no future no future
I keep mumbling the sex pistols quote as I thro dirt over my shoulder
No future of mine strong enough to avoid my unnecessary revolution
No city no man no woman
Strong enough
Never strong enough to do the bench press you think is expected of you

I will burn the tower until only the garden is left
Because I refuse the shadow chasing me
I refuse to fear what the television tells me to
I refuse to fear that north korea or north carolina will wipe me boogerlike from the map
I refuse to fear the day the gasoline painkiller IV drip finally stops dripping
Our engine black opium is dinosaur shit anyway
I refuse the liars
The criers
The buyers telling what to buy and where to buy it
I refuse the expected sadness when they tell me
The king of pop died today
Alone and friendless
Now in the endless
Sleeping with angels now
Is how the cliché goes round the mulberry bush
All it would take is a push…

I refuse the seductive sadness which runs its tongue up my spine
And whispers the day in day out modus operandi
Never loved never loved never loved never loved
I haven’t thrown myself out into the cold yet because I have no key for the door to get back in
I refuse to let go of my drooling hope
When all it would take is admitting I have not hand to hold
No time to waste
No sweetness to taste
No broken mirror to face
I refuse the temptation of the cold
I refuse to believe I’m actually not so bold

“To carthage then I come burning burning burning”

I steal my words from the preserved tongues of fellow thieves
Stolen from other thieves in turn
Once it comes down to the real thickness of creative sickness
All of us are big eye robber flies buzzing around what we think is beautiful

I refuse the doubt that I don’t have the fortitude to be your antichrist

I’ll hold onto the names of those I’ve lost in the maze
Clutching the rubble of their memories like a mourner shredding missing child fliers at the funeral

And many years from now someone cancerously familiar will look back and not laugh
Someone with my face will run his thin fingers along a brick wall where I once spray painted
“Death Too!”
Like it was a crumbling lover’s spine
Wanting to chant nursery rhymes and cannibal mantras from on high once more

Whether you wanted me to do it or not is irrelevant
Because
I refuse to play Prometheus
I refuse to provide john brown’s mystic fire
For you have already lit your own fuses

[Jon]

I'll get to this soon. Some medical issues have my attention right now.

[flaggwalkstheline]

The dandelion roars brightly
A golden maned challenge to the authority of roses
The arbitrary tyranny of beauty slurps down the water, blocks out the light
And is the first to be eaten by birds

An unknowable gloved hand throws it into the burning pile
The old dandelions shake what's left of their grey hairs knowingly

[flaggwalkstheline]

Murky clouds congregate and grow

Pondscum on the roof of my eyesocket’s blue

Robed monks circle the bed where we lie

Moaning into the water through broken teeth

Resting on the shores of your watery pulse

[flaggwalkstheline]

I was thinkin about the fall of rome the other day
The emptied coliseum
Cages unlocked
Slave-fattened lions hunted
Owned the blood and gold
In the year of 63 only 40 years before Alaric’s sword swallowed their sky and cut through the tombs of pagan kings
The emperor Julian rode into Persia in a black chariot
Or was it Dallas?
I forget…
Either way he rode into Persia like a gunfighter at high noon and went out like a roman candle
I was thinkin about the fall of rome the other day
While watching flag draped caskets goosestep their way across a television screen

[flaggwalkstheline]

Ok so tonight I'm going to my weekly open mike performance and I'm going to do something completely different from my normal poetry readings, I would like anyone who stumbles onto my thread to be honest with me about this, I'm going to try my hand at stand up comedy Here is an excerpt from my act, keep in mind it works better verbally but I gotta know, is this funny?


I’m really inept when it comes to planning anything. The last time I went to my therapist I made the most embarrassing mistake, I accidently scheduled it at the same time as a I had planned to meet up with a prostitute. So yeah that was awkward. Needless to say that’s the last time I went to a joint counseling session with my girlfriend. I tried to tell her, doctor ross says we should be a team and if you should either offer to join in some of my activities or be ok with them. Alright that’s a lie. I don’t have a girlfriend. I like hookers better. That’s a lie too.
See I’m a chronic liar, I lie about really petty stuff. And you know what: its not always a bad thing. I really like messing with wrong number callers. The other day I got a phone call from this woman who asked if I was Michael so I said yeah I’m Michael and this woman on the other line tells me that apparently my aids test came back positive. I know what your thinking, “they have a test for aids?” I know Apparently you have to pass a test to be hired as someones aid! So I told this woman that I’d really like it if she could send them to my address” n she’s like “ok” So Michael if your listening: I got your aids! They’ll be doing my laundry and dishes and paperwork and you’ll be paying the bill, sucker. Most people are gonna wish they had aids as good and helpful as mine. So all because of a wrong number I’ve lucked into somebody else’s aids! You gotta think on your toes to really make the best of a situation as simple as a wrong number. They haven’t show up yet but I’m waiting. I’ll have the best aids in town.
Like I said I don’t have a girlfriend, I messed up my last relationship pretty badly and the worst part is I’m not even sure how, one minute your fine and the next… its over. I was waiting at her apartment cause I wanted to surprise her after she got home from her job so I was in her bedroom, I had lit scented candles, had some marvin gaye (her favorite) playing on the stereo, the lights dimmed, she sat down on the bed and I started giving her a backrub and I said “How was your day babe?” and all the ungrateful bitch can do is scream “Who are you and how did you get into my apartment!! I’m calling the cops!” So she threw me out without even letting me get my clothes, I was wearing my best negligee to surprise her!
I spent all that money on sexy lacy underwear and all I got was disappointment. Sometimes I have good ideas though, like I have a problem with movie theaters, the bathrooms aren’t close enough to the seats and I always miss part of the movie. Cause if you’re like me, after the giant popcorn and the giant coke (plus the 5th of scotch you smuggle up your ass prison style to get in the movie theater) you really have to go to the restroom. I mean REALLY have to go, like kidney damage omigod I’m gonna blow out an eyeball here. I think a person should be able to go right there while watching the movie. My first idea was to have urinals on the backs of the seats but that would exclude the ladies from using them and if you thought that guy kicking your seat was bad, then clearly you’ve never been peed on. So that idea would work, but what if every seat was actually a cover over a toilet, that would be luxury. Of course there would need to be rules, like you can only poop during a loud scene, no pooping during quiet introspective scenes. When Jennifer aniston and Mathew mconahay finally realize how much they love eachother and he shows up at her door with flowers you do NOT wanna be the guy grunting and squatting while other movie goers yell“DOWN IN FRONT QUIT SHITTING!” (high pitched) “Oh Mathew Of course I still love you” some rude bastard is straining on the can (constipation noises) My toilet theaters would give new meaning to the phrase that movie stank, or that new transformers movie was a shitfest!
I think it’s a good Idea but then I’m gullible, I’ll buy anything. I buy stuff off of the Tv infomercials and one time I was really embarrassed, I bought what I thought was an eggbeater but when I got it in the mail six to eight weeks later I was shocked at what I got. I know a vibrator when I seen one! It was covered in thick plastic and plugged it in and the plastic didn’t come off! And honestly what woman needs two at the same damn time!! That’s just selfish.
Speaking of ah smut I bought my first porno movie two days ago and one day ago I bought my second! I went into the big porn super center, the walmart of porno. It was kindof a scary place, I expected spectacle, I expected like a TnA circus going on in there people with tubas and trombones playing souse marches but no. It was quiet almost church like and the employees were so kind and non intrusive. They were like priests! “welcome to a house of porn my son, may I direct you to a sale on horny housewives” I’m like um ok and he’s like “very good, piece of ass be with you (cross self)” Polite monk like porn store employees are better than really rude ones I don’t want to meet that guy whose like “Buying pornography huh?!” uh yeah that’s why im in a porn store just sell me the damn movie dad! My dads not a porn store employee, lying again. Some guys get into porn like wine tasters, (snootily) “the 99 backdoor whore rides again has a rich vanilla texture to it but the 07 triple dildo gang bang has this delightful fruity undercurrent wouldn’t you agree?”
My dads not one of those guys either, I’m living with him and his girlfriend and I think its about time I had “The Talk” with him, I walked in on them necking on the couch the other day and I realized it was time to tell him how his body is going through changes and its time he knew that now that he’s older I never want to see anything like that again EVER. There’s nothing funny about old people’s sex lives. Except that they exist.
My parents are divorced. I never wanna get married. Married people look so miserable and the only people more miserable than them are divorced people. The vows people take should be changed to something like “do you debby promise to nag, harangue and generally make steves life a living hell either into an early grave or until divorce do you part?” (very high pitched) “Oh well I certainly DO!”
Guys are bad too. We think about sex way too much like I was saying I like messing with wrong numbers and the other day I got a call from this really sexy sounding woman who was like “Hey jim, its me, last night was really fun, we should get together again tonight” Now my immediate idea was to say “Ok, yeah this is jim, in the flesh the one and only, the real jim you were drunk last night and might not remember what I look like but I promise its me, where do you wanna do it again?!” I didn’t go through with it, I hung up, I would never be able to pull that off especially cause my aids havent arrived yet and I know aids would make that so much easier.
Women are in denial (high pitched) “oh he loves me” ladies I’m gonna give you a crash course in guy speak when he asks you out “hey wanna hang out or grab a cup of coffee or something” that means either I thought about you when I masturbated last and would like to have sex with you or Im going to think about you while I masturbate and still hope to have sex with you” when I guy says “I had a really great time tonight” it means “have sex with me now but if you don’t im gonna go home and masturbate” when a guy says “I love you” it means “thank you so much for having sex with me” when A guy breaks up with you and says your relationship isn’t working but hed like to still be friends it means a few things it means He is tired of having sex with you and would like to pursue other women but possibly hook up with you again in the near future without it being called a relationship.
I think my time is just about up, but if any of you ladies would like to grab a cup of coffee or something or you know hang out you know that’d be cool. Bye now.

[Jon]

I love the flow here it IS funny and with the aids thread running through...that was brilliant but my favorite is in the pornosupermart " “very good, piece of ass be with you (cross self)” That will be really good visually as will the theater...brilliant as well.


BUT



"Like I said I don’t have a girlfriend, I messed up my last relationship pretty badly and the worst part is I’m not even sure how, one minute your fine and the next… its over. I was waiting at her apartment cause I wanted to surprise her after she got home from her job so I was in her bedroom, I had lit scented candles, had some marvin gaye (her favorite) playing on the stereo, the lights dimmed, she sat down on the bed and I started giving her a backrub and I said “How was your day babe?” and all the ungrateful bitch can do is scream “Who are you and how did you get into my apartment!! I’m calling the cops!” So she threw me out without even letting me get my clothes, I was wearing my best negligee to surprise her!
I spent all that money on sexy lacy underwear and all I got was disappointment."


This IS funny but has been done too many times. IMHO.



AND

"I think it’s a good Idea but then I’m gullible, I’ll buy anything. I buy stuff off of the Tv infomercials and one time I was really embarrassed, I bought what I thought was an eggbeater but when I got it in the mail six to eight weeks later I was shocked at what I got. I know a vibrator when I seen one! It was covered in thick plastic and plugged it in and the plastic didn’t come off!"


The truth is...I flat out didn't get it.




Good stuff. I want to see the video if possible. The delivery will increase the humor exponentially.

[flaggwalkstheline]

yeah I got a fair amount of laughter for a first time out, i was so damn nervous I was shaking lol

[Jon]

No video???


PM me with an explanation of that joke please.

[flaggwalkstheline]

unfortuanatly no video
However I should soon have a video up of a poetry reading I did in school, it was trippy watching myself lol, I'll hopefully be able to post a link soon
oh and the joke you didnt get was my attempt to compare eggbeaters with vibrators
needless to say
it bombed because its not funny

[Jon]

It was lost on me...then...to me an eggbeater is a whisk.

[Jean]

flagg, will you keep that piece here? the title of this thread goes, "poems..." I need to know in order to update the Index

[flaggwalkstheline]

flagg, will you keep that piece here? the title of this thread goes, "poems..." I need to know in order to update the Index

ah what piece are you referring 2?
not sure what ur talking about... though when I find out i'll be glad to help...

wait u mean my comedy bit not being poetry...

should I delete it?

[Jean]

Delete?! God forbid, don't, it good! I thought maybe you could start another thread in Turtleback Lane, for your prose? Or if you want to have everything in one thread, we could move the present thread to Turtleback Lane and rename it; but I think the first option is better.

[flaggwalkstheline]

I'm probably not going to be putting much prose or comedy up here except very occasionally so I'd go with the second option, no need to make a whole new thread for something I'm going to be posting, um maybe the thread could just have parentheses added to the end saying something like (and other stuff by nate) or something
?

[flaggwalkstheline]

another new poem


The blue eyed schemer
Bit the ear of the green eyed dreamer
You and I
Though we walk smugly under burnt umbrellas
Will never hold out the flood
And its time spanning tidal burp
So rather than watch the water grow into the clouds
We should turn our backs on the typhoon
The inevitable is as boring as a blank morning paper
We should climb into the mountain's dulled teeth
Fling our metal trophies and withered wreaths
Down just to hear the sudden sullen clank
Turn your back on the avalanche
And climb with me
Climb like spiders in love
You and I whose feet have never felt
The pure ancient rocks beneath the labyrinth
Have heard the bull stomping stomping
Climb and we will never be inevitable
Pick plums until out lips are purple
Chew them to the very core
The center of amnesiac sweetness
Sunlight tempts eyelids to open and become brief sunflowers
Sticky hands fused together with sap from a dying tree
You and me
Should dream like reptiles on cold stone
Shedding yesterday's skin

[Jean]

I'm probably not going to be putting much prose or comedy up here except very occasionally so I'd go with the second option, no need to make a whole new thread for something I'm going to be posting, um maybe the thread could just have parentheses added to the end saying something like (and other stuff by nate) or something
?

I think we'll leave it as it is now, and look into this again should you happen something else in prose. Bears wouldn't like to touch this title, they love it.

[Jon]

"Into the dulled teeth of the mountains"

Like a photograph!

[flaggwalkstheline]

ok so that poem that I just posted I have now reworked twice and version 3.0 (the best one is now up)
I normally only post the final draft, dont know why i changed it up for this one...

[Jean]

it looks like you altered the first line, too? do you remember what it previously was, I need to change it in the Index