oh yeah its happened before. there was a guy near here, recently, as a matter of fact. the guy caught HIV from a hooker, and, feeling vindictive towards females, he started having unprotected sex with several of them without telling them a damn thing. everyone of them died; not only is he being dubbed a murderer, but the law around the sticks of ohio is so harsh that he's being tried as a serial killer.
very goodOriginally Posted by Adumbros
While to me personally, infecting one's wife - officially wed or not - is even worse than that, is fouler than foul... it's breach of trust, you see, the worst kind of betrayal... and betrayal is the one thing I could never forgive or find mitigating circumstances for.
Ask not what bears can do for you, but what you can do for bears. (razz)
When one is in agreement with bears one is always correct. (mae)
bears are back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i totally agree. its the reason i'm so adamant against the marriages some of my friends are involved in...there was no trust before the marriages; it was just, "hey, you're the only one desperate enough to fuck me, and i'm the only one desperate enough to fuck you, and we both don't wanna go the rest of our lives without getting to fuck, so let's get married." i believe there should be stricter standards on marriage licenses than just, "we want to exchange vows, your honor."
1) testimony of BOTH parties friends (no one will be more honest)
2) assessment of financial situation (sorry, but a burger-flipper should not be marrying a housewife; how in the hell are they gonna support each other?)
3) assessment of relationship history for BOTH parties (i.e., does long-term exist in their past relationships?)
4) full physical checkup for both parties, both internal and external, if you catch my drift
5) criminal background checks
i mean i could go on and on, but the very institution of marriage has been so bastardized in modern america that it's become a parody of itself. anyone can get married, at any time, for any reason. then, 24 hours later, they can claim negligence, "i was drunk your honor, i didn't remember what my own penis looked like while i was puttin it in 'er last night!" and get an instantaneous annulment.
sad, really. because although i don't place as much value on symbolism on you, Jean, your essential points about marriage are all very valid, btu its idiots that rape and corrupt the system that make us rethink what marriage even means anymore.
on a final note, i think this:
if a couple should divorce on any grounds other than abuse or infidelity (which, granted are both broad terms, but no one wants me to take up half the thread examining the inner workings of them), they should be allowed to proceed, and then immediately charged with perjury. As per ceremony, marriage is a legal act, which requires the conjecture of the parties joined in union, the courts, notaries, etc. to defile those vows is perjury.
alas, no gov't is ever gonna heed our wanton woes.
I agree with what you said for the most part, but AIDS isn't quite the death sentence it was in the 80s and early 90s... people can live for decades with AIDS if they get the right medications. Not that I'm saying it's not a terrible disease. My one professor described it as a chronic condition, something that's not desirable to live with and that can complicate your life, but that you can usually live with for many years in relative comfort.Speaking of marriage, I think that if I marry a guy, he cheats on me and gives me an incurable disease, that I should end up with severance pay and he should have to pay for all my medical bills because I never asked him to cheat on me... especially with my libido!!
Like aids, com'on, that's a death sentence! If someone knows they have a disease and give somebody else said disease, don't you think they should maybe get intentional manslaughter?? That's a loaded weapon there!!!
i don't understand how "knowing your gonna die" is any relative comfort, but
Well, we all know we're going to die.
Yes, but if you gave me a disease that a) is going to shorten my life and b) is going to make my life miserable in the process, I want the right to kill you myself - slowly and painfully.
"People, especially children, aren't measured by their IQ. What's important about them is whether they're good or bad, and these children are bad." ~ Alan Bernard
"You needn't die happy when your day comes, but you must die satisfied, for you have lived your life from beginning to end and ka is always served." ~ Roland Deschain
At first, I read that as "Kill myself- slowly and painfully". I was like: What the hell?
And the idea of anyone cheating on their spouse without protection is f'n disgusting. I mean, if you're going to be unfaithful, at least have the courtesy to not bring something back home. An affair: Some couples could work through. Herpes, on the other hand: I'm not getting over that one!
Yeah I don't want to live with burning parts....
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In fact the two reasons I told my husband I would ever divorce him is if he would a.) beat me or the kids (that includes the cats) or b.) cheat on me.
Maybe I should add c.) burn my book next time we have an argument... Hmmmmmm....
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I know it's probably a little late in the conversation, but I just remembered....
People keep referring to the "average" length of a commitment vs. a marriage. First, an average is not always an accurate representation due to the fact that extremes skew the results. Therefor, having a few marriages that only lasted a couple days or months (think Hollywood here) throw off the average. A more accurate representation would be the median length, the one that has an equal number of commitments/marriages above and below it.
Secondly, all marriages are recorded regardless of lenght because you need a marriage license. But commitments aren't recorded legally unless you reach the length of time required for common law marriage, and obviously if they broke up after a few days or months, people won't say they were in a committed relationship. So the numbers can be pretty unreliable.
I don't believe marriage is necessary in a committed relationship, but as has been stated previously, it can make a variety of things easier or better for the couple in question.
I also believe that there shouldn't be restrictions on same-sex marriage, and I'm all for interracial marriages. Just as long as you don't marry your cousin or your father, I'm down with everything.
you're solid gold // i'll see you in hell
So you're cool with marrying your mother and siblings? What about grandparents?
Sorry, I'm being a dick.
you're solid gold // i'll see you in hell
But...I...I thought that was what cats were for...
oh good topic! i have to hurry and answer before i go get breakfast.
as you all know i am madly in love with my Nigel... but i do not believe that marriage is necessary for a lifelong commitment. i agree with what Matt said about the legal ramifications and the such... and with Nigel being in the military it would even be a good move financially. but i am a firm believer that if we were gonna be together forever i wouldn't need a ring or a piece of paper to say so.
as far as religion goes, i agree 100% with Adumbros. i've tried explaining this to some of my family members... i tell you it is impossible to debate religion with older black Christians (don't take offense anyone it's just my experience). of course i don't know anything because i haven't been in the world but a mere 21 years (blah blah blah), but marriages were mostly arranged in Bible days. so the commitment was made by someone else in those cases. so comparing marriages now to those then doesn't hold much water to me. and like Adumbros said it didn't have anything to do with legalities... it was the commitment and a dowry.
i would and probably will get married... and *crosses fingers* more than likely to the person i am with now... but it would be more for our families and their consciences
Human kind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return. To obtain, something of equal value must be lost. That is alchemy's first law of Equivalent Exchange. In those days, we really believed that to be the world's one and only truth.
I don't beleive marriage is necessary "for a committed relationshipp" but I think some people see it as necessary for other reasons, and I think it depends on the two people in question. My boyfriend and I both want to be married to each other--not for religious reasons, and not (completley) for benefits or legal reasons, but because we want to bind ourselves with something deeper and more meaningful.
On the other hand--he's obviously not less committed to me just because the wedding hasn't happened yet. I would be just as hurt (and just as likely to kick his teeth in) if he cheated on me now, than if he did it after we got married.
Another good example is my mom, she was married twice and niether marriage lasted very long (you could say the men in queston weren't "committed") now, she's been with my "step-father" for almost 20 yrs and they've never been legally married. They just decided they loved each other, wanted to live with each other, and would share the burdens of that life. I don't think they are any less committed than any married couple (Hell, a lot of married couples don't make it twenty years without splitting up, right?).
YOU MUST CHILL. I HAVE HIDDEN YOUR KEYS.
Wanted to add this:
Adumbros--while I agree with you on the outside of your argument about marriage licenses--there are a few things I have a problem with. I wouldn't say there should be an assesment of the financial situation because then you get into the slippery slope of denying a person the right to marry based on their income--and if the burger flipper dosn't mind letting his wife sit at home while he works three jobs--well that's his business. Not to mention, you don't have to marry to live with someone, so if we said "no, you can't get married" then they wouldsay "fine e'll justl ive together and any benefits my wife may have gotten through my shitty job, she'll have to get through the state".
Also, as someone who went through what I like to call a "surprise divorce" I completely agree that there should be penalty for flippant divorce. My ex husband actually admitted that the day we got married he knew he was going to divorce me but was too "embarrassed" and too concerned about the money we had spent to back out. In any other legal situation I could have sued him for fraud, pain and suffering, etc. But because it was a marriage--I had to let it come out in the divorce proceedings, and being that the state we lived in says you have to be married 3 yrs to sue for any spousal support, I got left with nothing at all, including the money I had personally put into our savings, stocks, medical bills, settling his debts, etc.
Last edited by Ves'Ka Gan; 09-24-2008 at 06:47 AM. Reason: eta
YOU MUST CHILL. I HAVE HIDDEN YOUR KEYS.
yeah i agree Ves... i know some states require that couples go to like a counseling session before they can get married. Georgia is one of those states... and i think that's a good idea.
about the cousin thing i found out that in North Carolina you can marry your cousin as long as they aren't double cousins. *puke*
Human kind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return. To obtain, something of equal value must be lost. That is alchemy's first law of Equivalent Exchange. In those days, we really believed that to be the world's one and only truth.
Actually, we did go to premarital counseling, it wasn't required by our state, but by the minister who we hired to marry us...the counselor said something along the lines of us being the happiest couple he had ever worked with...
There was a lot of intent with his "faking it" so that no one would know he wasn't down, which again, if it were any other legal situation--well. We'd have gone to court!
YOU MUST CHILL. I HAVE HIDDEN YOUR KEYS.
i'm not sure i understand that last part... who was faking what? lol
Human kind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return. To obtain, something of equal value must be lost. That is alchemy's first law of Equivalent Exchange. In those days, we really believed that to be the world's one and only truth.
Hahaha!
Sorry--what I mean to say is that my ex sort of "put on a show" in the months leading up to our wedding and the months after it. He claimed that he was not in love, did not want to be married, etc. But no one around him (not even those closest to him) ever saw it. He shocked us all when he finally came forward with his true feelings...
He put a lot of effort into fooling his friends and family, and especially me.
YOU MUST CHILL. I HAVE HIDDEN YOUR KEYS.
oh! sorry i hadn't seen the part in your post about you ex and your divorce. what a bastard.
Human kind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return. To obtain, something of equal value must be lost. That is alchemy's first law of Equivalent Exchange. In those days, we really believed that to be the world's one and only truth.
Yeah, but actually this is a good thing in one respect when compared to other states. There are 25 states where first cousins can marry. In 6 of those there are some restictions on marriage between first cousins. As you said in NC first cousins may marry, but not if they're double cousins. Simple first cousins share 12.5% consanguinity, but double cousins share 25% consanguinity;which is the same as siblings share.
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