+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 2 1 2 LastLast
Results 1 to 25 of 28

Thread: Think Before You Speak, Suffer Before You Rise

  1. #1
    Caution: eye irritant Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon's Avatar

    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Heaven and Hell
    Posts
    10,751
    Country
    Country Flag
    Gender
    Gender

    Default Think Before You Speak, Suffer Before You Rise

    As I “shopped”, (if that’s what you want to call it) for Lassie’s casket, (yes I bought a casket for my dog. I am far from rich but I think more of this dog than I do the vast majority of people, including myself.) It seemed so dastardly a deed. I felt as if I was giving up on a great friend. I drove 120 miles, spent two hours and $150.00 I didn’t really have on his casket. It was very odd. I have always enjoyed shopping but on this shopping trip I felt as if I had on lead shoes and was pulling a small house behind me. I also had trouble breathing as it felt like a Mack truck was parked on my chest. At the site of each casket I teared up a bit and the Fool in me wondered, at each casket which one he would be most comfortable in. The Rational me kept repeating “It doesn’t matter now Jon.” The Child in me kicked and screamed “Is he really dead?” “I don’t believe you!”

    I found this shopping SO distasteful! My stomach was sour, my legs were like rubber, my hands were shaking, my throat was sore and scratchy, and my mouth had a bitter taste and was very dry. My eyes, in contrast were far from dry. My tears, those that slipped through my put on “I’m-a-man-and-men-don’t-cry-over-pets” face, stung badly as they passed my eyelids.

    I narrowed down my “choice” (as if I wanted to chose) of caskets for this repulsive task to two. The Fool in me wanted a casket which would preserve his body the longest, the Rational me pointed out that my friend’s body WOULD decay no matter what I chose. The Child in me, now on the floor, kicking, screaming and crying, cursed the rest of me for lying about Lassie being dead. The Fool in me and the Rational me chose a beautiful casket while the Child in me lay sobbing loudly on the floor.

    The Fool in me suggested to the Rational me that I design and make Lassie grave marker, the Rational me agreed, the Child in me only uttered mournful lamentations as the Fool in me and the Rational me carried the inconsolable Child in me to the car for a trip to the hardware store.

    The Fool in me and the Rational me collaborated on a design to begin with a traditional cross as the Child in me began to question God. We arrived at the hardware store.

    The Rational me said, in said in his typical pragmatic voice “It should stand up to the weather.” The Rational me lead the fool in me with a blubbering Child in me close behind to the section of treated lumber. The Rational me pick up a four foot board and began to inspect the board. The Child in me began to wonder if I could fit into the casket with my friend of 17 years. The Child in me wanted to die; the Child in me DID die in part. The Rational me was inspecting each four foot board for the best one. You must understand, in despite his pragmatic ways, the Rational me was hurting badly too. But he knew he had to be strong. Getting the very best board was the Rational me’s own way of contributing and mourning. There would be no warped cross for my friend! But the Fool in me wanted more. The Fool in me interrupted the Rational me’s loving inspection for the perfect board, and lead all three, the sobbing Child in me, the strong, silent Rational me to the twenty foot boards. The Rational me knew exactly how the Fool in me felt. Hell, the Rational me would have erected a neon billboard had it been practical. But with love, the Rational me pointed out the difficulty in getting a twenty foot board home in a 2003 Ford Taurus. The Fool in me and the Rational me struck a compromise as the Child in me continued his wailing. A twelve foot board should be safe enough to get home and the Fool in me agreed that it would end up being a tall cross as compared to other pet’s grave markers. This is only fitting as Lassie was a friend rather than a pet and he was head and shoulder above the rest in the canine world.

    But remember, the Fool in me wants more. The cross should be mostly black a bit of white, just like Lassie. The Rational me acquiesced. The Child in me paused in his very vocal grieving just long enough for a much needed deep breath, then continues his wailing. The Fool in me proposes that I affix a decorative wood block to the end of each arm of the cross. (The Fool in me always wants more.) The Fool in me and the Rational me, with sobbing Child in tow work my way, with heavy hearts, to the Crown Moulding section of the store. In this section I find two wooden blocks with an engraved flower. Satisfied, the Rational me and the Fool in me begin to lead the Child in me to the paint section. The Child in me will not budge. The Child in me remains in front of the decorative wooden blocks in the Crown Moulding section. The Child in me struggles to control his compulsive bawling as he has something important to say. Between restrained sobs and hitching shoulders the Child in me says “the top, the top of the cross should not be nondescript nor bare.” Happy to see this pause in the mourning, Rational me asks “What should go on top then?” The Child in me points to a particular decorative block and says “a star.” After a quick, light sob the Child in me continues his words “Lassie was my star but now he has gone to the heavens to be with all the other stars.” With that the Fool in me picks up the decorative block with the star, a can of black paint, a can of white paint, a can of polyurethane and a few brushes and nails.

    Rational me pays for items. Part of him is happy to the $60.00 for the memorial supplies; part of him feels like he has given up on a good friend. Rational me does not let this show.

    The three of me carry the memorial supplies to the car, two in silence and the Child in me has resumed his vocal mourning. The three of me march though a few inches of snow and a swamp of guilt, pain and grief.

    Later, on a tiny stretch of road called Stick City road, the faint sounds of shoveled earth can be heard mixed with a few muffled sobs.

    That night, after I cleaned the mud and snow from me and warmed up a bit, the Fool in me and the Child in me curl up in bed together and begin to bemoan their loss. The Rational me covers them with a blanket and tells them to think of the seventeen good years I had with Lassie. The Child in me and the Fool in me cry their way to their appointment with the sandman. Rational me turns out their light, goes to the refrigerator for a bottle and sits in the dark. Rational me begins to cry silent tears laces with Jim Beam. Rational me croaks “Goodbye my friend, and thank you.”











    “Give me the sense to wonder, to wonder if I'm free."

  2. #2
    Ubersnob Frunobulax is on a distinguished road Frunobulax's Avatar

    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    That sunny state in the contiguous 48.
    Posts
    2,072
    Country
    Country Flag
    Gender
    Gender

    Default

    Jon, I am still sorry for your loss--I can only imagine how much Lassie meant to you. But know that he's in a better place now.
    My favorite bands can kick your favorite bands' asses.

    The horizon is right and motionless like the EKG of a dying woman.

  3. #3
    Gunslinger Daghain is on a distinguished road Daghain's Avatar

    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Nope
    Posts
    15,650
    My Mood
    Twisted
    Country
    Country Flag

    Default



    I'm so sorry for your loss. That was a beautiful tribute to your friend.



    "People, especially children, aren't measured by their IQ. What's important about them is whether they're good or bad, and these children are bad." ~ Alan Bernard


    "You needn't die happy when your day comes, but you must die satisfied, for you have lived your life from beginning to end and ka is always served." ~ Roland Deschain

  4. #4
    Caution: eye irritant Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon's Avatar

    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Heaven and Hell
    Posts
    10,751
    Country
    Country Flag
    Gender
    Gender

    Default

    I have yet to remove his pic as wallpaper on my phone and comp.
    “Give me the sense to wonder, to wonder if I'm free."

  5. #5
    Gunslinger Daghain is on a distinguished road Daghain's Avatar

    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Nope
    Posts
    15,650
    My Mood
    Twisted
    Country
    Country Flag

    Default

    And why should you? You will, IF and WHEN you're ready. You had him for 17 years? I don't think you're going to erase him in a day. Geez, I've had my bird for 13, and when she's gone I'm sure I'll be in the same state you're in. You get so used to having them around it's a real shock when they're gone. They truly are family.

    And if anyone says to you, "It's just a dog." You have my permission to beat the crap out of them. WTF do they know? In many ways, pets are better than people.



    "People, especially children, aren't measured by their IQ. What's important about them is whether they're good or bad, and these children are bad." ~ Alan Bernard


    "You needn't die happy when your day comes, but you must die satisfied, for you have lived your life from beginning to end and ka is always served." ~ Roland Deschain

  6. #6
    Caution: eye irritant Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon's Avatar

    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Heaven and Hell
    Posts
    10,751
    Country
    Country Flag
    Gender
    Gender

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Daghain View Post
    And why should you? You will, IF and WHEN you're ready. You had him for 17 years? I don't think you're going to erase him in a day. Geez, I've had my bird for 13, and when she's gone I'm sure I'll be in the same state you're in. You get so used to having them around it's a real shock when they're gone. They truly are family.

    And if anyone says to you, "It's just a dog." You have my permission to beat the crap out of them. WTF do they know? In many ways, pets are better than people.

    Yes...one person did say that...I replied that I like my dog more than most people, including me!
    “Give me the sense to wonder, to wonder if I'm free."

  7. #7
    Gunslinger Daghain is on a distinguished road Daghain's Avatar

    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Nope
    Posts
    15,650
    My Mood
    Twisted
    Country
    Country Flag

    Default

    Yeah, people like that have no idea. It's never "just a dog", "just a cat", "just a bird". They're family. How would they like it if you said, "It's just a kid, you can make another one just like him?"

    Idiots.



    "People, especially children, aren't measured by their IQ. What's important about them is whether they're good or bad, and these children are bad." ~ Alan Bernard


    "You needn't die happy when your day comes, but you must die satisfied, for you have lived your life from beginning to end and ka is always served." ~ Roland Deschain

  8. #8
    The Tenant Jean has much to be proud of Jean has much to be proud of Jean has much to be proud of Jean has much to be proud of Jean has much to be proud of Jean has much to be proud of Jean has much to be proud of Jean has much to be proud of Jean has much to be proud of Jean has much to be proud of Jean's Avatar

    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Chinatown
    Posts
    22,486
    Country
    Country Flag

    Default

    but that's what people say all the time. About kids, too. Ask Liz. Like, "It wasn't even yours", or similar shit.

    Jon, you don't only have my permission to beat the crap out of them, as Daghain put it, but my special instruction to do so.

    Ask not what bears can do for you, but what you can do for bears. (razz)
    When one is in agreement with bears one is always correct. (mae)

    bears are back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  9. #9
    Ubersnob Frunobulax is on a distinguished road Frunobulax's Avatar

    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    That sunny state in the contiguous 48.
    Posts
    2,072
    Country
    Country Flag
    Gender
    Gender

    Default

    Add in my permission, too, Jon.
    Now you can say a Reverend gave you the thumbs up to beat the shit out of them.
    My favorite bands can kick your favorite bands' asses.

    The horizon is right and motionless like the EKG of a dying woman.

  10. #10
    Roont Matt will become famous soon enough Matt's Avatar

    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    Parachute, Colorado
    Posts
    15,112
    My Mood
    Psychedelic
    Country
    Country Flag
    Gender
    Gender

    Default

    **signs the ass kicking petition**
    The kindness of close friends is like a warm blanket

  11. #11
    Ubersnob Frunobulax is on a distinguished road Frunobulax's Avatar

    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    That sunny state in the contiguous 48.
    Posts
    2,072
    Country
    Country Flag
    Gender
    Gender

    Default

    I think we need one or two more signatures before we can have it passed as a local law.
    My favorite bands can kick your favorite bands' asses.

    The horizon is right and motionless like the EKG of a dying woman.

  12. #12
    Caution: eye irritant Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon's Avatar

    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Heaven and Hell
    Posts
    10,751
    Country
    Country Flag
    Gender
    Gender

    Default

    But he is the hubby of a good friend...we will need her sig too!
    “Give me the sense to wonder, to wonder if I'm free."

  13. #13
    Caution: eye irritant Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon's Avatar

    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Heaven and Hell
    Posts
    10,751
    Country
    Country Flag
    Gender
    Gender

    Default EDDIE

    I am not sure why I wrote this essay. Maybe I was venting or just felt a need to write. Please excuse the dark nature. But if you have read my works you are likely to expect the dark side of a given issue. Maybe I will develop Eddie into a character and form a story around him. Maybe I'll just let this essay stand alone and look back upon it to see if I have improved. As the essay states, there is more of Eddie in me than I care to admit.




    EDDIE




    A weary man sits in the shade of an old, rotting maple tree. This tree has rotten boards nailed to it up one side to serve as a ladder for long grown children to climb into a long rotted tree house. The man, Eddie, has no sentimental feeling toward this tree it is only an island of shade in a sultry, baking sea of Kentucky bluegrass that is drying to a shade of yellow-brown
    This man ponders not the meaning of life or some complex Algebraic equation. He ponders simple things. These things he ponders most take for granted. This man ponders the route he should take to the doctor’s office. He tosses the pros and cons of a given route in his unsure mind like a skilled juggler. In fact, in this regard, this man is a skilled juggler. For many years this man has had great difficulty making the simplest decisions. He has to call his wife on her cell phone and ask how much gas to put in his car as he fears over straining their precariously balanced budget. This man we know as Eddie will call his wife on his way to work to ask permission to run the air conditioner as a car will use more fuel with the air conditioner running.
    You must understand his wife is no scrooge with the money. She finds it funny that he calls to ask to run the air conditioner on a hot day. She finds it funny as in odd, and rather sad, that this once self confident man cannot even make the simplest decisions. This man is slowly crumbling and he can see it. He can see it, but do nothing about it. It saddens him deeply as he knows his wife and child see it too. He fears that he will be seen as too weak to be a good example of a man for his son. He fears he will one day no longer be able to provide for them. Eddie does not feel sorry for himself, he no longer has that capacity. Eddie has acquiesced to such a life and sees no end. Eddie will sometimes, during the day when he is home alone, turn off the heat and shiver, as he feels unworthy of basic human needs. Eddie does not fear a comet will smash into the Earth setting off the extinction of humans. He is a bit of a realist. Eddie fear rejection from all. He fears rejection from his loyal pets. As a matter of fact, Eddie has already rejected himself. When Eddie takes a picture of a "beautiful" landscape, he fears his sense of "beautiful" is skewed. When Eddie fears, he fears for his family.When Eddie weeps, he weeps for his family. He fears. He weeps.

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------


    Eddie is a part of me. More of a part than I care to admit. I suspect there is an Eddie in everyone just not to this extreme.
    Eddie does not feel sorry for himself. He has lost that capacity. Eddie has simply become a bad day.
    Eddie came from that bad day when the car had a flat tire and you were late for work. Eddie came from that day you were so tired from work you had to go to bed and could not be with your family. Eddie came from that same night when, an exhausted you simply could not sleep but had to be content to lie there and wonder what could have been. Eddie came from a simple matter of a vending machine that precariously balances you favorite snack but never dispenses the product.


    “Give me the sense to wonder, to wonder if I'm free."

  14. #14
    aka lindakins alinda is a glorious beacon of light alinda is a glorious beacon of light alinda is a glorious beacon of light alinda is a glorious beacon of light alinda is a glorious beacon of light alinda's Avatar

    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    9,344
    My Mood
    In Love
    Gender
    Gender

    Default

    Jon, you are a wonder, I do love you, thankyou for sharing yourself so completely with us.Your insight serves you .Your light is shining on us as well, and the illumination is more truthful than we care to admit my friend, and yet it is a gift to see. Thanks .

    The answer is within

    all matter is energy, all energy is GOD

  15. #15
    Caution: eye irritant Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon's Avatar

    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Heaven and Hell
    Posts
    10,751
    Country
    Country Flag
    Gender
    Gender

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by alinda View Post
    Jon, you are a wonder, I do love you, thankyou for sharing yourself so completely with us.Your insight serves you .Your light is shining on us as well, and the illumination is more truthful than we care to admit my friend, and yet it is a gift to see. Thanks .
    Thank you Linda.

    When I write a story I always write a short bio for the main characters so as to ensure my writing is consistent with how such a person acts or reacts.

    I began to write Eddie's bio and it just kept going...then I saw me!
    “Give me the sense to wonder, to wonder if I'm free."

  16. #16
    The Tenant Jean has much to be proud of Jean has much to be proud of Jean has much to be proud of Jean has much to be proud of Jean has much to be proud of Jean has much to be proud of Jean has much to be proud of Jean has much to be proud of Jean has much to be proud of Jean has much to be proud of Jean's Avatar

    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Chinatown
    Posts
    22,486
    Country
    Country Flag

    Default

    bump

    something new to post?

    ::eagerly waiting::

    Ask not what bears can do for you, but what you can do for bears. (razz)
    When one is in agreement with bears one is always correct. (mae)

    bears are back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  17. #17
    Caution: eye irritant Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon's Avatar

    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Heaven and Hell
    Posts
    10,751
    Country
    Country Flag
    Gender
    Gender

    Default

    I never was one for writing much of anything except poems or riddles. But I am on vacation as of the sixteenth. As I have no money to go anywhere, maybe I'll take a break from reading and write something with substance. Too many of my poems as of late have struck me as hollow and my riddles have not been up to snuff either. Just sit tight sir...and thank you for noticing.
    “Give me the sense to wonder, to wonder if I'm free."

  18. #18
    Otter of the Prim cozener will become famous soon enough cozener will become famous soon enough cozener's Avatar

    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Location
    Louisville KY
    Posts
    1,072
    My Mood
    Cool
    Country
    Country Flag

    Default

    I very much enjoyed and was touched by these two pieces and they both go a long way toward reinforcing my belief that the best writing comes from writing about what you know and from your own heart. I consider myself lucky to have come across these.

    And yeah...I'm Eddie too.

  19. #19
    Banned The Lady of Shadows is on a distinguished road

    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Posts
    3,783

    Default

    jon, your tribute to lassie brought me to tears. i am so sorry for your loss, though i know it was over a year ago, and hope that the three "yous" were able to work something out as the days passed (as you did in the hardware store).


  20. #20
    Caution: eye irritant Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon's Avatar

    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Heaven and Hell
    Posts
    10,751
    Country
    Country Flag
    Gender
    Gender

    Default

    Thank you folks.

    It really means a lot to me when some posts about one of my poems, riddles or stories. even if that post is a critique. As of late I have held off posting some poetry as I felt very few were reading them. Not to belittle those two members, but...it's disheartining.
    “Give me the sense to wonder, to wonder if I'm free."

  21. #21
    Roont Brice has much to be proud of Brice has much to be proud of Brice has much to be proud of Brice has much to be proud of Brice has much to be proud of Brice has much to be proud of Brice has much to be proud of Brice has much to be proud of Brice's Avatar

    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    Lettiland
    Posts
    22,328
    My Mood
    Aggressive
    Country
    Country Flag

    Default

    Jon, I'm not so good at critical analysis or anything like that, but I read them all and enjoy them.
    The Awesomest fled across the desert and The Awesomer followed.

    If you rescue me
    I’ll be your friend forever


    I wish that I could write fiction, but that seems almost an impossibility. -howard phillips lovecraft (1915)



  22. #22
    Banned The Lady of Shadows is on a distinguished road

    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Posts
    3,783

    Default

    even if no one posts, that doesn't mean no one is reading. jean reads all of my posts in my poetry thread (he told me so) but he rarely posts. and i know you read them and you post. we're reading. it's just sometimes maybe we don't want to say anything because maybe one person doesn't want to feel stupid, or another doesn't want to break the spell, or another doesn't know how to articulate what they are feeling.

    but we are always reading.

  23. #23
    Caution: eye irritant Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon's Avatar

    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Heaven and Hell
    Posts
    10,751
    Country
    Country Flag
    Gender
    Gender

    Default

    I see. I understand. I suspected as much.

    But it is difficult to shake that "alone" feeling.
    “Give me the sense to wonder, to wonder if I'm free."

  24. #24
    Banned The Lady of Shadows is on a distinguished road

    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Posts
    3,783

    Default

    i know. believe me, i know.

  25. #25
    Hankerin' for poundcake gsvec will become famous soon enough gsvec's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Location
    Rock Island, IL
    Posts
    2,705
    Country
    Country Flag
    Gender
    Gender

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by turtlesong View Post
    but we are always reading.
    Yes, we are. Always.


    This collecting stuff is a sickness! ~Patrick

+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 2 1 2 LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts