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Thread: CAN' Ka No Rey - Dark Tower Spoilers Within

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    Default CAN' Ka No Rey - Dark Tower Spoilers Within

    I wrote the following poem in response to a contest held on the King's Closet Web Page (run by our very own SirBoomme). I won first place in that contest and a year or so later decided to submit the poem which tells the entire Dark Tower tale from The Gunslinger to The Dark Tower in roughly 2,2000 words. Hold the Bye Bye Miss American Pie tune in your head as you read the poem - and let mw know what you think!

    My poem was published in Lighthouse VI Stephen King Special Issue III in 2006 and due to urging from Stu & Penny Tinker who both loved the work, I have sent a copy to Stephen King's office. I haven't heard anything back, but one can always hope! :-)

    The following work is based on the fiction of Stephen King. It is for entertainment purposes only and will not monetarily benefit me or thedarktower.org.

    CAN’ Ka No Rey
    by Bob Ireland

    West of Gilead and a long, long time ago
    a Man in Black was on the go,
    He raced across the hardened pan
    followed by the last Gunslinger known as Roland.

    Roland knew he had one chance
    to catch the magical man and make him dance
    From the Golgatha and deep in trance
    With a jaw bone leaving nothing to chance
    They did palaver at their final stance
    As Ka did guide him, nothing left to chance.

    Along the beach while Roland slept
    With a dud a chum and dud a chik
    A lobstrosity with poisonous zeal
    took two fingers with nary a snip
    A long time it’d be for Roland to heal.

    I can’t remember if I cried
    When I read about Eddie’s widowed bride,
    And something touched me deep inside
    The day the bumbler died.
    So bye-bye, the Ka-tet of five.
    Drove my bucca along the beam
    But the beam was falling down.
    Vampires and Can-Toi drinking blood and fun
    Roland Singing, "com com comala this ka-tet of mine.”
    "com com comala now the journey’s done.”


    Along the beach stood a magical door
    One for the pusher, one for the whore
    If the man jesus and manni tell you so
    drawn from to whens to save their mortal soul.
    And now the ka-tet was but three
    Roland told of the Tower, their quest to be.

    For in the clearing they did rest
    Not knowing that their very first test
    As Shardik chased the pusher up a tree.
    But Suzannah’s aim was oh so tight
    And Shardik’s dome was blown from sight
    It was ka and khef their destiny to be.

    From within a demon ring
    A door was drawn, Eddie’s key we know
    Saved from the doorkeeper, but for a price,
    Jake was reborn while the seed was placed
    Mordred’s spawn was evilly placed
    Where it would grow and grow and grow.

    Jake of New York, the gunslinger’s paradox
    While along the trail a critter came,
    Soft and cuddly not unlike a fox
    He mimicked and chattered a funny game
    And quickly Oy became his true name.

    Through River Crossing and on to Lud
    Aunt Talitha did warn them so
    The Gasherman’s face was aglow,
    With pus and poison for all to know
    The Tick Tock Man was the lowest crud
    But in the end his blood did flow.

    A pink mono waiting in the Cradle of Lud
    Blaine the Pain their way to pass
    God Drums pounded from above,
    As Blaine release the poisonous gas
    The Grays and Pubes did choke below
    As Blaine set out with ka-tet in tow.

    Faster and faster along the track
    Blaine loved riddles that’s a fact
    Through the Wastelands he did go
    But would he stop they did not know
    Till the end when Eddie wise cracked.

    I can’t remember if I cried
    When I read about Eddie’s widowed bride,
    And something touched me deep inside
    The day the bumbler died.
    So bye-bye, the Ka-tet of five.
    Drove my bucca along the beam
    But the beam was falling down.
    Vampires and Can-Toi drinking blood for fun
    Roland Singing, "com com comala this ka-tet of mine.”
    "com com comala now the journey’s done.”


    Topeka behind them, thinnies aside
    Roland told a tale for the Tet to abide
    Of his friends Alain and Cuthbert too
    Rhea of the Coos, a witch with a glass
    Big Coffin Hunters, a pain in the ass.

    Of Susan Delgado of that you’d know
    She died for sure oh Char You tree
    But not the idiot savant Sheemie,
    For Roland sought the Tower over thee
    A gunslinger’s Ka, his destiny.

    Through a glass palace the ka-tet must past
    Back to End-world, was it Todash
    But first a re-aquantance with the Tick Tock Man
    Brought back to life by a man named Flagg
    Twas a quick fight, the work of Gan.

    I can’t remember if I cried
    When I read about Eddie’s widowed bride,
    And something touched me deep inside
    The day the bumbler died.
    So bye-bye, the Ka-tet of five.
    Drove my bucca along the beam
    But the beam was falling down.
    Vampires and Can-Toi drinking blood for fun
    Roland Singing, "com com comala this ka-tet of mine.”
    "com com comala now the journey’s done.”


    The men of the Calla called on the Ka-Tet
    Afraid of the wolves that rode from Thunderclap
    That sucked out the brains of many a child
    Roont for life, to feed the breakers, an idea so wild

    While brewing and growing was Mia’s chap.
    This is where the story gets bold
    Pere Callahan comes from another world they’re told
    He bears black 13, a doorway to hell
    Its shiny and glimmering and scary as well
    But gives the ka-tet a path to the rose.

    Andy the messenger gives hints do tell
    A flowmetal face, shiny as well
    Did coerce a good folken to betray his clan
    While Jake eavesdropped in the Dogan
    A learned of the plan straight from hell.

    The battle was swift, the oriza flew true
    The wolves were defeated, their time was due
    But all is not rosy as Suzannah is lost
    Kidnapped by Mia, everyone knew
    A Victory for the Calla at an ominous cost.

    I can’t remember if I cried
    When I read about Eddie’s widowed bride,
    And something touched me deep inside
    The day the bumbler died.
    So bye-bye, the Ka-tet of five.
    Drove my bucca along the beam
    But the beam was falling down.
    Vampires and Can-Toi drinking blood for fun
    Roland Singing, "com com comala this ka-tet of mine.”
    "com com comala now the journey’s done.”


    The tet is off to various whens and wheres
    Suzannah/Mia in New York or Discordia do ya ken
    Roland and Eddie to rural Maine must go,
    Away from End World to another when
    To save Calvin Tower and meet a certain writer we know

    Jake and the Pere to the Dixie Pig show
    For one of them this battle will be his last show.
    Mordred the chap was born of Mia his mother
    Twas her, not Suzannah the same or another
    He was not child, not spider, but a little of both,
    A very hungry chap that ate his host
    A ravenous changling born of the Crimson King
    But also of Roland, who he hated the most.

    Randall Flagg agent of the Crimson King
    Returned unexpected evil dealings unknown
    This old nemesis of Roland’s was chewed to the bone
    For Mordred was hungry, a loney chap
    Mordred was hungry and all alone.

    The Ka-Tet is reunited with a plan you will see
    The attack on Algul Siento for breakers to free
    Breakers dining on the brainfood of Calla Roont child
    Telepaths pushing and pulling aside
    The beam was a falling by me.

    Unlikely allies in Dinky and Ted
    And Sheemie of course, the strongest of head,
    Joined forces with Roland, Eddie and Oy
    And Suzannah no legs and Jake the boy
    To fight thine enemy till all were dead.

    The smoke cleared, the battle was won
    The beam was healing thyself one by one
    But all was not well as Eddie was no more,
    Fallen in battle, a gunslinger no more
    The Ka-tet was broken, was it Ka or Gan.

    I can’t remember if I cried
    When I read about Eddie’s widowed bride,
    And something touched me deep inside
    The day the bumbler died.
    So bye-bye, the Ka-tet of five.
    Drove my bucca along the beam
    But the beam was falling down.
    Vampires and Can-Toi drinking blood for fun
    Roland Singing, "com com comala this ka-tet of mine.”
    "com com comala now the journey’s done.”


    With no time left to grieve
    Roland, Jake and Oy they did leave
    To the when of 19 and 99,
    To the world that went forward all of the time
    The Tale must be saved, it was their destiny.

    Walking a country road, a safe place to be
    Not with a blue van, two dogs and a man
    An unlikely ally named Mrs. T.
    A young boy, a gunslinger, not yet a man
    Stepped in the way of the oncoming van
    To save the writer and rewrite history.

    Jake died not once, but three times for sure
    Under the mountain, facing the Man in Black
    Under the wheels of a car that rolled over his back,
    He told Roland there are other worlds than this
    But did he know he’d travel to the keystone world
    To save Sai King from a near death miss.

    Roland grieved the loss of his son
    Jake, Heil Gunslinger, he placed in a grave
    A rose for a marker for the world he did save,
    Jake led to the clearing at the end of the path
    Would watch over Roland till his war was won.

    I can’t remember if I cried
    When I read about Eddie’s widowed bride,
    And something touched me deep inside
    The day the bumbler died.
    So bye-bye, the Ka-tet of five.
    Drove my bucca along the beam
    But the beam was falling down.
    Vampires and Can-Toi drinking blood for fun
    Roland Singing, "com com comala this ka-tet of mine.”
    "com com comala now the journey’s done.”


    The Gunslinger, the dark woman, to finish the quest
    With Oy at their sides, no time to spare
    Raced through the blackness, chased by a demon
    Twas a monster worm with fangs of steel.
    Saved by their sterno, an unlikely weapon I jest
    Roland ran to the light and did his best
    To leave Castle Discordia at his rear.

    The White Lands of Empathica snowy and dark
    Tailed by Mordred, twas hungry he was
    They came upon ODD’s LANE and a funny man.
    Joe Collins entertained, standup he does
    But something true did not ring
    For soon enough Roland was choking.

    Eddie of New York would have known right away
    ODD LANE, DANDELO – two ways to say
    Roland let down his guard, Suzannah slow to learn.
    Until in the medicine cabinet a hint came her way
    The favor returned by the wordsmith of Maine
    His cryptic note did save the day.

    The artist was released, but could not say
    Target of the Crimson King in another place
    A prisoner in Empathica, no tongue in the way
    Destined long ago to save a Gunslinger one day.
    His name was Patrick Danville for sure
    Drawing was his life, and also the cure.
    He joined Roland and Oy for the end of their race.

    Stuttering Bill drove the un tet away
    To the field of roses that beyond did lay
    While somewhere not too far behind,
    Mordred found a beast, on which to dine
    A poisoned beast that fed the beast
    The lonely, cold and now dying beast
    For Mordred was a dying.

    A zit, a pimple, a cancer for sure
    Patrick erased it a simple cure,
    Did spark in Suzannah a plan to escape
    A doorway in emptiness, a door way gate
    For her role was over, her time had come.
    Suzannah left Roland, the job still undone
    Her quest was over, for that she knew
    She vanished in emptiness, Roland was blue.

    I can’t remember if I cried
    When I read about Eddie’s widowed bride,
    And something touched me deep inside
    The day the bumbler died.
    So bye-bye, the Ka-tet of five.
    Drove my bucca along the beam
    But the beam was falling down.
    Vampires and Can-Toi drinking blood for fun
    Roland Singing, "com com comala this ka-tet of mine.”
    "com com comala now the journey’s done.”


    Roland grew tired, empty of heart you know
    He neared the Tower, Patrick and Oy in tow.
    Tired and hungry he needed sleep
    Patrick left to draw, watched over his keep.
    While Mordred spied finally it was time
    Patrick dozed, guarding no more
    Mordred was hungry time to dine.

    One mistake Mordred did make
    Twas a billy bumbler, friend of Jake
    That became the unlikely hero.
    That his life his ka he did forsake
    To save the Gunslinger, father of Jake.

    The field of roses, the tower above
    The Crimson King a formidable foe,
    The tower called Roland come to me now
    Finally at last the end of the show.

    They traded wits and sneetches were tossed
    No way to cross the roses, the battle was lost
    Till Roland rememberd, the artist was here,
    He drew things beautifully, made them appear
    And like the cancer on Suzannah’s face
    Could erase the Crismon King from this very place.

    A drawing in pencil, rose smudges for eyes
    The Crimson King was drawn, as sneetches flied
    Erased fine lines, his face, his nose,
    All that remained were those eyes, I suppose,

    As Roland the Gunslinger to the tower came
    Roland of Gilead remembered all, their name
    Roland the only one that remained.
    The room at the top, what did he see
    The room at the top his travesty.
    Roland saw nary a friend
    Only that he must do it again
    It was Ka, this cycle his destiny.

    West of Gilead and a long, long time ago
    a Man in Black was on the go,
    He raced across the hardened pan
    followed by the last Gunslinger known as Roland.

    I can’t remember if I cried
    When I read about Eddie’s widowed bride,
    And something touched me deep inside
    The day the bumbler died.
    So bye-bye, the Ka-tet of five.
    Drove my bucca along the beam
    But the beam was falling down.
    Vampires and Can-Toi drinking blood for fun
    Roland Singing, "com com comala this ka-tet of mine.”
    "com com comala now the journey’s done.”
    Last edited by Jean; 07-24-2007 at 10:13 PM. Reason: Added the disclaimer line
    DT Spoiler - Enter at your own risk!

    Spoiler:
    I can’t remember if I cried
    When I read about Eddie’s widowed bride,
    And something touched me deep inside
    The day the bumbler died.”


    Click CAN' Ka No Rey for the entire poem, published in Lighthouse VI!

  2. #2
    Gunslinger Apprentice The_Nameless is on a distinguished road The_Nameless's Avatar

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    I remember reading this poem on .net, and it gets better with each re-read.
    "Help me out here
    All my words are falling short
    And there's so much I want to say"

  3. #3
    Gunslinger Apprentice Chassit is on a distinguished road Chassit's Avatar

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    That poem is great and thanks for the correction
    "See the TURTLE of enormous girth,
    On his shell he holds the earth.
    If you want to run and play,
    Come along the BEAM today."

    NFA JJG 42-95

  4. #4
    One of The Few The Proud CRinVA is a splendid one to behold CRinVA is a splendid one to behold CRinVA is a splendid one to behold CRinVA is a splendid one to behold CRinVA is a splendid one to behold CRinVA is a splendid one to behold CRinVA is a splendid one to behold CRinVA's Avatar

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    Nameless & Chassit,

    Thanks - I had a great time writing this and re-reading it myslef was quite enjoyable. Hopefully, this will be the spark to more writing!
    DT Spoiler - Enter at your own risk!

    Spoiler:
    I can’t remember if I cried
    When I read about Eddie’s widowed bride,
    And something touched me deep inside
    The day the bumbler died.”


    Click CAN' Ka No Rey for the entire poem, published in Lighthouse VI!

  5. #5
    Caution: eye irritant Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon's Avatar

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    I love it!

    Long poems are very difficult for me to write!
    The secret of the hanged man.
    The smile on his lips.

  6. #6
    One of The Few The Proud CRinVA is a splendid one to behold CRinVA is a splendid one to behold CRinVA is a splendid one to behold CRinVA is a splendid one to behold CRinVA is a splendid one to behold CRinVA is a splendid one to behold CRinVA is a splendid one to behold CRinVA's Avatar

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    Thanks Jon.

    It's the only poem i ever wrote! :-)
    DT Spoiler - Enter at your own risk!

    Spoiler:
    I can’t remember if I cried
    When I read about Eddie’s widowed bride,
    And something touched me deep inside
    The day the bumbler died.”


    Click CAN' Ka No Rey for the entire poem, published in Lighthouse VI!

  7. #7
    Caution: eye irritant Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon has much to be proud of Jon's Avatar

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    ONLY>>>WOW...you need to continue!!!
    The secret of the hanged man.
    The smile on his lips.

  8. #8
    Life is beautiful LadyHitchhiker will become famous soon enough LadyHitchhiker will become famous soon enough LadyHitchhiker's Avatar

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    Would you mind terribly if we added your lovely parody to this thread?:
    http://www.thedarktower.org/palaver/...light=parodies
    You would honor me in doing so!

  9. #9
    One of The Few The Proud CRinVA is a splendid one to behold CRinVA is a splendid one to behold CRinVA is a splendid one to behold CRinVA is a splendid one to behold CRinVA is a splendid one to behold CRinVA is a splendid one to behold CRinVA is a splendid one to behold CRinVA's Avatar

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    I don't mind! :-)
    DT Spoiler - Enter at your own risk!

    Spoiler:
    I can’t remember if I cried
    When I read about Eddie’s widowed bride,
    And something touched me deep inside
    The day the bumbler died.”


    Click CAN' Ka No Rey for the entire poem, published in Lighthouse VI!

  10. #10
    Gunslinger Apprentice TLC is on a distinguished road TLC's Avatar

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    Amazing poem!! i loved it!

  11. #11
    aka lindakins alinda is just really nice alinda is just really nice alinda is just really nice alinda is just really nice alinda's Avatar

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    May I repost this? I would like to share it with some friends.

    The answer is within

    all matter is energy, all energy is GOD

  12. #12
    One of The Few The Proud CRinVA is a splendid one to behold CRinVA is a splendid one to behold CRinVA is a splendid one to behold CRinVA is a splendid one to behold CRinVA is a splendid one to behold CRinVA is a splendid one to behold CRinVA is a splendid one to behold CRinVA's Avatar

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    Alinda - of course!

    :-)
    DT Spoiler - Enter at your own risk!

    Spoiler:
    I can’t remember if I cried
    When I read about Eddie’s widowed bride,
    And something touched me deep inside
    The day the bumbler died.”


    Click CAN' Ka No Rey for the entire poem, published in Lighthouse VI!

  13. #13
    aka lindakins alinda is just really nice alinda is just really nice alinda is just really nice alinda is just really nice alinda's Avatar

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    Thank you!

    The answer is within

    all matter is energy, all energy is GOD

  14. #14
    John F. Kennedy Chantarelle is on a distinguished road

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    Quote Originally Posted by CRinVA View Post

    CAN’ Ka No Rey
    by Bob Ireland

    Jake died not once, but three times for sure
    Under the mountain, facing the Man in Black
    Under the wheels of a car that rolled over his back,
    He told Roland there are other worlds than this
    But did he know he’d travel to the keystone world
    To save Sai King from a near death miss.
    I can't read all of this right now. Although I've read the series before, and know what happens, I'm currently half way through DT VII and would feel like I was cheating if I read past that point. But for what I have read, and this verse in particular, I say thank-ya

  15. #15
    One of The Few The Proud CRinVA is a splendid one to behold CRinVA is a splendid one to behold CRinVA is a splendid one to behold CRinVA is a splendid one to behold CRinVA is a splendid one to behold CRinVA is a splendid one to behold CRinVA is a splendid one to behold CRinVA's Avatar

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    Quote Originally Posted by Chantarelle View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by CRinVA View Post

    CAN’ Ka No Rey
    by Bob Ireland

    Jake died not once, but three times for sure
    Under the mountain, facing the Man in Black
    Under the wheels of a car that rolled over his back,
    He told Roland there are other worlds than this
    But did he know he’d travel to the keystone world
    To save Sai King from a near death miss.
    I can't read all of this right now. Although I've read the series before, and know what happens, I'm currently half way through DT VII and would feel like I was cheating if I read past that point. But for what I have read, and this verse in particular, I say thank-ya
    After you finish the sereis come back and finish the poem adn let me know what you think!
    DT Spoiler - Enter at your own risk!

    Spoiler:
    I can’t remember if I cried
    When I read about Eddie’s widowed bride,
    And something touched me deep inside
    The day the bumbler died.”


    Click CAN' Ka No Rey for the entire poem, published in Lighthouse VI!

  16. #16
    Gunslinger Apprentice Xerrand will become famous soon enough Xerrand's Avatar

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    That was amazing, well done!

  17. #17
    Traveler McGirtson is on a distinguished road

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    Along the beach stood a magical door
    One for the pusher, one for the whore
    If the man jesus and manni tell you so
    drawn from to whens to save their mortal soul.
    And now the ka-tet was but three
    Roland told of the Tower, their quest to be.

    For in the clearing they did rest
    Not knowing that their very first test
    As Shardik chased the pusher up a tree.
    But Suzannah’s aim was oh so tight
    And Shardik’s dome was blown from sight
    It was ka and khef their destiny to be.


    Great work, I did catch this though young cully. Eddie wasn't the pusher, he was the prisoner

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