All that's left of what we were is what we have become.
The Golf Ball and the Garden Hose
It’s sticky as it shoots out of the tube
It dribbles down her chin onto her breasts
The man snaps picture after picture that leave many impressed
She reflects “It’s not as hard as sucking a golf ball through a garden hose.”
She pouts her coated lips in a sexy pose.
She smiles. Everyone likes icing I suppose.
All that's left of what we were is what we have become.
Buddy, you think you look strong? You’re wearing a cape.
Seeing as I think I dropped this whole thread by not coming up with a new topic, how about we do one on abuse?
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Light and Dark (5-18-2011)
I wasted eight and a half years with you.
Most of my twenties.
Isn't that enough time to try and help you?
Hasn't that been plenty?!?
After years of oppression
and years of control
I found the depression
and regained my soul.
How strange
to find
that such a change
in my mind
is what I would need
to find the strength to finally be me.
No more of telling me what to do
to tell me everything I do is wrong
of how to clean or how to screw;
From now on I can learn how to be strong.
Now I find love, affirming and real
from people who've always been there
no matter how I feel.
For some reason they still care
despite or because
of who I am
and I find their love.
I thought I knew what love was,
and I gave so much of my self away
I thought I knew what love was,
but despite my delusion, I've found it anyways.
The road still is not one of ease
despite the love I've found
but I can't lie that it doesn't please
me and help me to find ground.
Climbing higher, finding light
and dreaming in the dark
I find the will, the strength to fight
Though on my heart are left the marks.
And once in a while
I feel a smile
that is really me
I can regain me
I can reclaim me
I can be loved for me.
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beautiful Liz, just beautiful. poetry can be healing sometimes
Grenade (5-23-11)
Take your dough, then I go, that's how I live
Oh, take, take, take it all because you always give
Had you sucked right in from the very first kiss
Because you were open, ha ha, you were open.
Took all that you had and I threw it in the trash
I tossed it in the trash, I did.
To give me all my love is all you ever asked
for but I have to be in command.
I'll launch a grenade at ya
Sharpen my blades on ya
Do anything to you honey
that you'll let me do to ya
I would lock you out in the rain
Save your body but hurt your brain
Yeah I will lie to you baby
Cuz it's all just a game
I know you won't do the same
No, no, no, no
Mr. Black beat you black, make you blue until you're numb
on the inside baby where it won't show outwards cuz you're so dumb
Mad woman, bad woman, that's just what you are, head
Rape you with a smile on my face; I'll rip the brakes out your car
Took all that you had and I threw it in the trash
I tossed it in the trash, I did.
To give me all my love is all you ever asked
for but I have to be in command.
I'll launch a grenade at ya
Sharpen my blades on ya
Do anything to you honey
that you'll let me do to ya
I would lock you out in the rain
Save your body but hurt your brain
Yeah I will lie to you baby
I know you won't do the same
If my place was on fire
Ooh, you'd come and put out the flames
I said I loved you, but I'm a liar
'Cause I never, ever, ever did, baby
But darling, I'll launch a grenade at ya
Sharpen my blades on ya
Do anything to you honey
that you'll let me do to ya
I would lock you out in the rain
Save your body but hurt your brain
Yeah I will lie to you baby
I know you won't do the same
No, you won't play the game
You wouldn't do the same
Ooh, you never play the game
No, no, no, no
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Hidden (5-24-11)
I hid it so well
This precious Hell
the abuse
I refused
to myself.
There's no one I tell all the darkness to
For I love them too much
If they knew all the darkness I'd been through
they'd be in prison for too heavy a touch
It seems surreal
what I've escaped
To learn to feel
again to tape
up the broken pieces
(where do I start?)
glue up the broken pieces
(where do I start?)
mend all the broken pieces
of my heart.
I hid it so well
this precious hell
I almost did lose
all of myself.
Why is there shame
still inside me?
Is it because I can only blame
myself for not leaving?
Is it because I allowed
all of this to happen; didn't write the right letter?
Is it because I couldn't ever go
and make it better?
I hid it so well
this precious hell
I even hid it
from myself.
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Thanks so much Jon... Here's a new one:
Running, Wilted, Yet Hopeful (5-24-11)
I'm wilted.
He's jilted.
I have no preparation
for confrontation:
I feel an inch
of it and I flinch.
I can barely spit out his name.
I was never good at the game.
And now that I fell
I wonder how do I rise from Hell?
How do I look him in the face?
Sure, he didn't leave a trace
of evidence of physical harm;
all he did was use his charm
as a weapon to reel me under his spell.
I never knew that trying would ever be such Hell.
They stood by and watched me fall;
No urge to run, so I had to crawl.
Crawl out of the black hole -
the one that nearly ripped out my soul.
The past is past
and those who were steadfast
supporting me either way,
those are worth the crawl.. at least today.
So many shades of grey
So many words left to say.
So many things I have to hide
and so a bit dies inside.
So much left unsaid
So many thoughts that should be dead,
Circling round and round in my nodes
where they'll stop, who really knows?
This all seems surreal:
to actually be allowed to feel,
to be allowed to think,
and if I wanted to, I could drink.
Before I always felt like running away
but I kept on with my days.
I don't know how this will end
I can't pretend
to know how my life will go
but at least now
that I am gone,
I have the chance to, where I want to go.
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The Stand (5-24-11)
Since I know how low you can go
I wont let my anger show
You can't touch me, touch me, that I want you to know
Emotions trickle back, now I'm feeling so much more
You can't touch me, touch me, that I want you to know
Yes I've finally found a reason
to finally refuse
You don't get to use your hands
I don't want the abuse
Yes I've finally found a reason
to finally refuse
You don't get to use your hands
I don't want the abuse
You're always screaming at me
You can't touch me, touch me, that I want you to know
It never bothered you before
Now you stand and plead for more,
You can't touch me, touch me, that I want you to know
Yes I've finally found a reason
to finally refuse
You don't get to use your hands
I don't want the abuse
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Asshole (5-27-11)
I will not let you cripple me
I will not let you stifle me
I will not let you steal
or damage
any more pieces of me
I will regain my rage.
I will regain my heart.
I will regain love.
I will take back the cards.
I don't play games with love.
My love is mine to give or revoke freely.
Commanding - You have to be in charge
Demanding - I better do it your way or else
Again, commanding - Yes, Sarge
Manipulating - making me feel bad if I don't help
Honesty - you never gave me
Fidelity - was subjective to you
Comfort - you never gave to me
Patience - was impossible for you
Controlling - how dare I think for myself?
Rudeness - behind their back, because you're too much a coward to insult them to their face.
Unsupportive - how dare you want to watch me make something of myself?
Crudeness - because it's fun to watch me squirm and lose face.
Monogamy - you used for your convenience
Kindness - you used if it got you anything
Happiness - such an inconvenience
Anger - you owned that about everything
Jealousy - you owned about all positive matters of life
Selflessness - something you were devoid
Communication - why would you want to know what goes on in the heart of your wife?
Romance - you were too annoyed
Blaming - It's of course all my fault
Shaming - make me feel bad for being me
Brainwashing - make sure I think "right" about it all
Training - slowly losing each part of me
Using - what can you get from me?
Abusing - isn't it fun to hurt me?
Rape - I better give it to you when you want it, the way you want
Patronizing - you're just doing this because "you love me"
Insulting - you don't like me for who I am, of course you'll taunt
Punishing - again, just doing this because "you love me"
Trust - of course I'm supposed to trust you about everything
Pain - a tool in the game you used
Reality - is what you thrust over me about everything
Rage - a tool to keep me in fear, that you used
Faith - how can you believe in anything when you think the world is there to serve you?
How can you believe in anything when you think the whole world is out to hurt you?
How could I ever believe that I loved you?
Now I have a choice
to love who I want.
I can rejoice
in each day not hearing the taunts
It'll take a while to reset the programming
- Waiting for the other shoe to drop -
and the condemning
- I don't quite believe yet that it's stopped.
Not being punished for what I think or feel.
To be me again... is this real?
It's so surreal
having emotions
Learning to feel
And not worry about repercussions.
I've come a long way
but I still have a long way to go
until it's clear in my head
that I don't have to deal, with the asshole.
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Resignation (5-27-11)
I cringe when I hear your name
or when it crosses my lips
So I revert to calling you nicknames
whatever from my mouth slips.
Don't you know I'm not your slave anymore;
Not your dirty little whore?
Don't you know I don't have to be as brave anymore
Or tiptoe across the floor?
After living half a life
for so many years
I've resigned as being your wife;
I'm giving up the tears.
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post away
Ask not what bears can do for you, but what you can do for bears. (razz)
When one is in agreement with bears one is always correct. (mae)
bears are back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Jon - post away please
Liz, i think your poems are amazin and I think you are showing and have shown incredible bravery
You are amazing, Candy. Thank you for your kind words. I guess I had to fall back on strength because I had nothing left once I got to the end with him. If it hadn't been to protect the cats, I would have stayed. Honestly, I stayed so long to try and protect them as well. I was worried that the stress of moving would make them too sick. And instead, they've flourished. They are happier, healthier, more personable, silkier, friendlier, cleaner versions of their old selves.
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Some from the Llamalady thread... seemed appropriate..
It Ends Tonight (5-18-11)
You're slowly
strangling me.
I can't explain it to myself at all.
And all my wants
And all my needs
All I want is love, that is all.
I can't keep breathing
My soul is grieving
for the time I should have left you alone.
A weight is lifted
on the evening
that I finally know.
When love turns into fright
It ends tonight
It ends tonight.
My heart's scarred
I fall out of love, into fear again
I can't explain what you won't hear again
The rage appears once again, and then the pain
You look at me with such disdain
I can't keep breathing
My soul is grieving
for the time I should have left you alone.
A weight is lifted
on the evening
that I finally know.
When love turns into fright
It ends tonight
It ends tonight.
My heart is tight, I need some light
It's too late for fright
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
You tell people I've lost my mind.
It's better to be alone than to be by your side.
It's my fault you always lie.
It's better that I see everything about me that you despise.
All these hurts locked inside
And you're the only ones I show
When love turns into fright
It ends tonight
It ends tonight.
My heart is tight, I need some light
It's too late for a fight
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Tonight
Insight
When love turns into fright
It ends tonight.
Mrs. Black (5-18-11)
I see my red head, and I don't want to be Mrs. Black
I want colors in my world, not to be Mrs. Black
I walk by his bag of clothes
If I stay around them, the Blackness will grow.
I see his brand new car, that belongs to Mr. Black
paid with our savings account, and he'll never pay me back
I see people turn their heads and quickly look away
I go to Econo, and feel it every day.
I look inside myself and see I'm scarred by Mr. Black
I see my red head, and wonder why he'd want Mrs. Black.
Maybe if I work hard enough I can ignore the facts
It's not easy facin' the world when you used to be Mrs. Black.
No more will my green eyes cry from being blue
I could not forsee this happening to me and you.
If I try hard enough I can keep my daughter and my son
We'll laugh together, every mornin' that comes.
I see my red head, and I don't want to be Mrs. Black
I want colors in my world, not to be Mrs. Black
I walk by his bag of clothes
If I stay around them, the Blackness will grow.
Hmm, hmm, hmm,...
I've been tainted, tainted by Mr. Black!
Black as night, black is his soul
I want to see my married named blocked from the sky
I've been tainted, tainted, tainted, tainted by Mr. black
Yeah!
Hmm, hmm, hmm,...
90 Years (5-22-11)
Suffering the tears
The darkness of 90 years
Looking for light along the way
Trying to flight along the way
FIghting to be me
Fighting to be loved for me
I start to feel more than half alive
Since I left the one who called me his wife
Then the dreams return
They spurn
Me with their very presence
Drill into my very essence
The panic is there
As thick as the air
When the world is enclosed in fog and mist
My subconscious reminding me that something still is amiss
I am done with the whispers
I will save the whiskered
And pray the dreams don't come to me
That I will be left with no one to
Like me for me
Love me for me
To keep calling my phone
to be left so lonely lonely alone
To not wake up to a furry purry face
to wake up feeling I have been replaced.
Suffering the fears
The bleakness of 90 years
Looking for strength along the way
Trying to fight the length of the day
To find me
To reclaim me
And to be loved finally
Just for being me.
Moving out, a parody of a lovely Billy Joel song... (5-18-2011)
Wally works in the grocery store
his hobby was to make others feel pain
His wife left a note on the door,
She said,
"Wally, I can't continue to live this way."
Workin' too hard on love can make your
Heart crackcrackcrackcrackcrackcrack
You oughta know right now
Who needs to go home to be attacked?
Or to be told how to spend their money?
And it seems like she lost her mind
"If that's what love's all about
Honey, If that's movin' up then I'm movin' out.
Mmm, I'm movin' out. Ooh-hoo, uh-huh, mmmm"
Her husband is constantly turning up the heat
Complains he doesn't get to see the bartender
He likes to wear his wife's confidence down
On Fairmount Street
Two blocks away from her mother
Yeah and he's complaining that her Chevy ain't a Cadillacacacacacacacac
You oughta know by now
And if he can't lie
Around on his back
He'll say that you didn't remember
And he spends less time on her mind
But if that's what love's all about
"Honey, If that's movin' up then I'm movin' out.
Mmm, I'm movin' out. Ooh-hoo, uh-huh, mmmm"
You should never give a woman a crazy mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mind
You oughta have grown by now
You can pay her back with some overtime
But you could never pay her enough money.
"And if that's what you have in mind
yeah if that's what you're all about
Good luck movin' up 'cause I'm movin' out.
Mmm, I'm movin' out. Ooh-hoo, uh-huh, mmmm
"I'm movin' out..."
Obladi Oblada (in the key of the original Beatles song) (5-18-11)
Wally works in produce in the market place...
Liz works all over the land
Wally says to Liz, "I'd like to hit your face"
And Liz ducks to miss his punching hand
Ob-la-di, ob-la-da, life goes on, brah!...
Lala how the life goes on...
Ob-la-di, ob-la-da, life goes on, brah!...
Lala how the life goes on.
Wally gets a ride to the grocery store
instead of listening to Liz sing
Yells at wifey if dinner isn't waiting at the door
There go the words and they sure do sting
Ob-la-di, ob-la-da, life goes on, brah!...
Lala how the life goes on...
Ob-la-di, ob-la-da, life goes on, brah!...
Lala how the life goes on.
Eight and a half years the house she grew up in she's back
at with a little white dog running in the yard
And she took with her the cats. (Ha ha ha ha ha)
Grumpy ever after the market place...
No one to fear his big fat hands...
Liz loves to talk on the phone, stays at her mom's place
And in the evening, she still works all over the land
Ob-la-di, ob-la-da, life goes on, brah!...
Lala how the life goes on...
Ob-la-di, ob-la-da, life goes on, brah!...
Lala how the life goes on.
Eight and a half years the house she grew up in she's back
at with a little white dog running in the yard
And she took with her the cats. (Ha ha ha ha ha)
Happy ever after away from that place
Liz still gives everyone a hand
Wally stays at his home and drinks until he loses face
And in the evening, he stays there and gets mad.
Ob-la-di, ob-la-da, life goes on, brah!...
Lala how the life goes on...
Ob-la-di, ob-la-da, life goes on, brah!...
Lala how the life goes on.
Piggly Wiggly (in the tune of Eleanor Rigby) (5-18-2011)
Ah, look at all the angry people.
Ah, look at all the angry people.
Piggly Wiggly picks up the pieces where his life has been,
Was it a dream?
Waits for her to show, waiting to berate her the moment she steps through the door.
And why for?
All the angry people.
Where do they all come from?
All the angry people.
Where do they all belong?
His wife is writing the words of a poem that he will never hear
It's perfectly clear.
look at him working. Drinking at night when there's nobody there.
What does he care?
All the angry people.
Where do they all come from?
All the angry people.
Where do they all belong?
Ah, look at all the angry people.
Ah, look at all the angry people.
Piggly Wiggly died and was cursed for his legacy and his name,
nobody came.
Dear little wifey wiping her hands from the dirt of being his slave.
Now she is brave.
All the angry people.
Where do they all come from?
All the angry people.
Where do they all belong?
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Raw (5-31-11)
He left me raw
on the inside
Not just my heart
but my soul, my mind...
When I was sick I still had to perform
(it's more lubrication)
And forced to watch that sick stuff (the dirtiest stuff) he called porn
(it was part of my station).
There were times it was so painful to go to the bathroom
after he supposedly "loved me"
There were times I thought it easier if he ended up in a tomb
It would have been an easier way out for me.
How I let myself fall into the delusion
slowly boiled towards death
Crazymaking, constant confusion
Losing out of life's precious depth.
Left for dying,
once my soul died until I was dead
I had to start trying;
find the strength to live instead.
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Here's a short one...
Burn the Motherfucking Bed! (5-31-11)
I'm fighting for the bed
I paid for it
I can burn it
I don't want it
If I set the mattress on fire
will the darkness expire
that was cultivated for so many years
Just left angry enough not to have tears
I don't want to remember what happened there
there's no way I can ever sleep there
So if I burn the bed
will the memories finally be dead?
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No Vacancy (5-31-11)
Don't worry I won't cry for you.
If there are any tears left,
they would be shed because of the time I wasted with you;
Years that I could have been building up myself
instead of crashing down
And don't worry
I won't tell EVERYONE in town
And don't hurry
to rush back by my side.
There's no room left for you.
No vacancy
states the door on my heart -
at least for you, you see.
To quote from you: "I know it's hard"...
But my love is a gated community.
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