I really liked the story, which grabbed me instantly and kept me reading through to the end. I loved the imagery.
The poetry, I liked. Your style reminds me vaguely of other poetry I've read, but I cannot think of when or where. Maybe you've posted some of the same over at tdt.net?Anyways, I really like your style. I'm not really a poetry afficiando, so I don't really know what else to say 'cept I liked it.
A true firewasp ninja would never wear such a ridiculous sweater.
There's logic in nonsense.
Give me all the bacon and eggs you have.
Oh yes, everything up to the 12 Paintings were at .net. The recent poems are all new.
I'm quite happy you like this stuff, though, Hannah!
My favorite bands can kick your favorite bands' asses.
The horizon is right and motionless like the EKG of a dying woman.
- - - -
Jobbing and Slumming
Roberta sat on her porch
Humming and weaving a blanket
Of seven new colors.
Her partner Bill was away
At the factory working
For $2 an hour.
And these are the days
When our lives seem to slip away
From our feelings
And it passes like two thousand days.
Phil sat in his leather chair
Reading the stock report
And laughing out loud.
Meanwhile Bill stood two inches
Too far and got killed on the job.
Nobody noticed.
And these are the times
When a life just slips away.
A man is lost and the darkness
Lasts for two thousand days.
Roberta sat crying on her porch
Late into the night.
Into her blanket.
And Phil sat there stunned
At the living conditions he'd
Forced unto them.
And these are the moments
Of realization.
How do we value the lives
Over monetary pleasure?
And this happens every day
Life and time slips away
And these are the times
When we miss the most in our lives.
- - - -
My favorite bands can kick your favorite bands' asses.
The horizon is right and motionless like the EKG of a dying woman.
- - - -
If He
If he looked into the car
He might have seen the
Bloodstained interior in the darkened cabin.
If he used the flashlight
He might have noticed my eyes
Were swollen and watching intently.
If he opened the door
He might have seen you laying
Slumped in the back seat.
If he took me to court
He might have seen
I am guilty.
- - - -
My favorite bands can kick your favorite bands' asses.
The horizon is right and motionless like the EKG of a dying woman.
Well, Jean has told me he does not really think of the more recent shit as poems. And I consider them more studies than anything. So let's create a new word and end the tyranny of the word 'free verse'!!
Maybe prosetry? Or proety? Studiprose?
My favorite bands can kick your favorite bands' asses.
The horizon is right and motionless like the EKG of a dying woman.
spokenwordetry
There's one hole in every revolution, large or small. And it's one word long.. people. No matter how big the idea they all stand under, people are small and weak and cheap and frightened. It's people that kill every revolution.
That also works. There's also some songles in there.
My favorite bands can kick your favorite bands' asses.
The horizon is right and motionless like the EKG of a dying woman.
If He: very well-written. I like it. Good job, Matt-a-rino.
"I aim to misbehave."
-- Malcolm Reynolds
"I am a leaf on the wind. Watch how I soar."
-- Hoban Washburne
"What does that make us?"
"Big damn heroes, sir."
"Ain't we just."
-- Malcolm Reynolds and Zoe Washburne
Fruno, did you ever read any Jacques Prévert?
Ask not what bears can do for you, but what you can do for bears. (razz)
When one is in agreement with bears one is always correct. (mae)
bears are back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Nope, Jean. Why?
My favorite bands can kick your favorite bands' asses.
The horizon is right and motionless like the EKG of a dying woman.
I looked up his stuff online and read every English translation available. I like his style.
My favorite bands can kick your favorite bands' asses.
The horizon is right and motionless like the EKG of a dying woman.
he was my favorite poet when I was a teenager, reading a lot of French poetry and crazy about free verse.
Well, sometimes your poems remind me of his. If He was what helped me put my finger on it.
And you should read him in French. You know French well enough for that, as far as I know.
Ask not what bears can do for you, but what you can do for bears. (razz)
When one is in agreement with bears one is always correct. (mae)
bears are back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Maybe--I'll stop by the library some time after I finish one of the Vonnegut books I borrowed to find his stuff untranslated.
My favorite bands can kick your favorite bands' asses.
The horizon is right and motionless like the EKG of a dying woman.
I take that as a compliment--he seems to be a rather respected poet.Originally Posted by Jean
My favorite bands can kick your favorite bands' asses.
The horizon is right and motionless like the EKG of a dying woman.
It was a compliment. Although I love your other poems - those with rhymes - way better.
Ask not what bears can do for you, but what you can do for bears. (razz)
When one is in agreement with bears one is always correct. (mae)
bears are back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'll try to work out a rhyme scheme for a few poems.
My favorite bands can kick your favorite bands' asses.
The horizon is right and motionless like the EKG of a dying woman.
- - - -
Jlidunf P'kidj [Pro. Jill-done-ph Pee-kid-zh]
Saying you gave it
All is a load of shit
Trying too hard
Led to pain like a glass shard.
Each time you fail
And arms and legs flail
You flounder and drown
Like a fish on the ground.
- - - -
And that's why I hate rhyme schemes.
My favorite bands can kick your favorite bands' asses.
The horizon is right and motionless like the EKG of a dying woman.
It is hard to do couplets. I can never write rhyming couplets without them sounding really corny. If I use a rhyme scheme(which is very rare, I think the only thing on here of mine that has a rhyme scheme is the sonnet I did for one of the circles), I tend to use something like abab cdcd efef. I have never successfully used couplets. I think it is because couplets tends to be associated with nursery rhymes and other sing-song stuff in my mind. That's considerably better than any attempt I have ever made at couplets.
There's one hole in every revolution, large or small. And it's one word long.. people. No matter how big the idea they all stand under, people are small and weak and cheap and frightened. It's people that kill every revolution.
drown // Like a fish on the ground is awesome. An old and dead simile starts living an altogether different life.
Ask not what bears can do for you, but what you can do for bears. (razz)
When one is in agreement with bears one is always correct. (mae)
bears are back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Chris, I'll try that scheme next time. Thanks for reminding me of that one.
Jean, it's a bizarre image because people tend to forget that fish drown in air.
My favorite bands can kick your favorite bands' asses.
The horizon is right and motionless like the EKG of a dying woman.
- - - -
Baa'bdab'coap [Pro. Bah-be-dab-koh-op]
Avast and ahead in the road
Before the street stopped
Some people came across and told
Of a purse that had been dropped.
Coins spilled forth from its interior
Dancing on cobblestone streets
Clinking sounds made inferior
By the clomp of the horse hooves and clogged feets.
Everyone stopped to take
From the small fortune laying
Goods for goodness sake
Money without any slaying.
God's gift perchance to the rabble?
How did it come in the street?
A reprieve from the life so hardscrabble,
When glances and silver do meet.
- - - -
Using abab cdcd efef ghgh, as I coded the first two lines of each stanza. I do prefer thinking in that form now.
My favorite bands can kick your favorite bands' asses.
The horizon is right and motionless like the EKG of a dying woman.
- - - -
Syllables
Plorkifuhb
Lopripades
Bradikub
Wrytrydais
Ulelupokiltha
Bnarthmyre
Lokrimathina
Ftanglakyre.
- - - -
Experimental vocalisations.
My favorite bands can kick your favorite bands' asses.
The horizon is right and motionless like the EKG of a dying woman.
Fruno, Baa'bdab'coap is a classic. It's one of the very few, at least so far, poems posted here - not only by you, I mean by anyone who has posted - that wants to (and can easily) be learned by heart. And that means a lot.
Ask not what bears can do for you, but what you can do for bears. (razz)
When one is in agreement with bears one is always correct. (mae)
bears are back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks, Jean. It's a new idea of thinking in actual rhyme schemes for me, but I really do like it--expect more like Baa'bdab'coap in the future. And feel free to memorize it and show it off at parties followed by 'And I know the guy who wrote it!!'.
My favorite bands can kick your favorite bands' asses.
The horizon is right and motionless like the EKG of a dying woman.
Yay for rhyme schemes. I don't use them much, but I like them when they are used well. Did these stem from the discussion on here of scheme, meter and such?
There's one hole in every revolution, large or small. And it's one word long.. people. No matter how big the idea they all stand under, people are small and weak and cheap and frightened. It's people that kill every revolution.
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