well, whether you regret posting it or not... I liked it!
and...
welcome back, fruno!
well, whether you regret posting it or not... I liked it!
and...
welcome back, fruno!
Buddy, you think you look strong? You’re wearing a cape.
I like the sadness at the end to contrast the rest.
All that's left of what we were is what we have become.
I hope you dont regret posting.Originally Posted by Odetta
It's a good poem, and you should be proud of it.
Pushing the sleeper over,
the pale flesh of her back is exposed
The moonlight washes over her
And she is made luminescent
I trace my finger over her;
feeling the joy in the wonder of her
As if I am a Medieval wanderer,
I stumble upon this fairy landscape
Or better yet, a cosmic explorer
touching down upon a heavenly body
I begin my moon walk
a small step for my fingers;
a giant step for me
Warmth moves up through my digits,
pulling my palm downward to her
I flatten my hand on the small of her back
I experience the curve of her hip.
My mouth waters and my pulse quickens
I think to myself that once is not enough.
Hot stuff, Cozener.
But, quite tastefully done. Nice job.
Mind if I send this to my sister?
LOL
All that's left of what we were is what we have become.
Does anyone have a line to revive the thread?
could that be you?
Ask not what bears can do for you, but what you can do for bears. (razz)
When one is in agreement with bears one is always correct. (mae)
bears are back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was feeling very uninspired and hoped to pass the buck
ok
Don't cry for me, cry for yourselves
Ask not what bears can do for you, but what you can do for bears. (razz)
When one is in agreement with bears one is always correct. (mae)
bears are back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Don't cry for me, cry for yourselves
if you think thats going to help.
Your tears and fears are all you have
better use them sparingly.
This time it just may surprize you
to learn I am over you.
Don't cry for me, cry for yourselves
it's all that you can do.
The answer is within
all matter is energy, all energy is GOD
Nice Linda. Sounds a bit close to heart.
All that's left of what we were is what we have become.
A'yup, its not up to the writing usually posted here
but it sprang to life when I read Jeans line.
The answer is within
I think it fits quite well here.
All that's left of what we were is what we have become.
Don’t cry for me, cry for yourselves
Yes I have lost sons and daughters
But your freedom is:
Just out of grasp
Tenuous at best
Unsound
Hollow
Don’t cry for me, cry for yourselves
Yes I am hated world wide
But your souls are:
Oppressed
Bound
Hungry
All that's left of what we were is what we have become.
Wow, Jon, I like the flow of that.
__________
Hi, I just found this thread for the first time late tonight. Yeah, I'm a little embarrassed about that. Anyway, I read through this entire thread, and I am amazed and impressed at the whole concept and all the creative responses.
I know I'm late to the game, but I thought I'd try my hand, so I whipped something up. I thought about holding it back to reread it with a clear head (it's late here) which would be the prudent thing to do. Clearly it needs a whole lot of spit polish and reworking, but forget it. This is just a first draft, but there won't be a second. It's rather long, but all the same poem, so I'll put it in a separate post.
I think this should catch me up and bring me current. Good night.
"...that Siren which called and sang and promised so much and gave, after all, so little." ~ Ray Bradbury
His king is dead. His army is defeated.
So he switched allegiance to his party’s presumptive nominee.
When it’s time to relax, I so hate to be greeted,
By a blowhard on a barstool who yammers politics with such glee.
I want to chill out and have a single cold beverage,
Don’t hammer me with every detail of all the races.
Extricate myself I must, and try my best to go leverage
My way into that pretty woman’s good graces.
Where do I go from here?
“Just one more for the road!”
I should not have had that final beer.
Why must I give in when they goad?
I was confident in my route and certain of my direction
But the battery died tonight in my GPS.
Every wrong turn seemed like a proper correction,
Now I’m drunk, it’s dark, and I can only guess,
She faded from my heart and sight,
So witty, so beautiful, I had so much to gain.
“We’re lost,” she screamed, nothing I did was right,
Finally I could no longer stand her admonitions and disdain.
“We should have stopped and asked someone!”
I simply pretended not to hear her.
When the cutie from the bar got out to pee, I made my run,
As she grew smaller in my rearview mirror.
Go over the plains,
Said that tiny interior voice,
There will be other Jills… or Janes?
Whoever she was, she had left me no choice.
In the ensuing blessed quiet and peace,
Through the fields the straight road was etched,
I could relax, my stress decrease,
It was so pleasant, I yawned, I stretched.
The bells were ringing,
Or were they sirens?
To the shoulder, my car was clinging,
And I barely recognized my environs.
I sat bolt upright as I realized,
In fact I almost started bawling,
Reality, my dreams had disguised.
I was not speeding, but rather crawling,
"Up, up, and away!"
I wished I were Superman
Not squeezed by fear and dismay.
I’m a regular guy, but I do what I can.
I pulled out of the gravel and back onto the road.
I blinked clear my eyes and slammed down the pedal
giving it all the gas, half-expecting the car to explode.
The water was boiling and I was in the kettle.
On a nightmare's edge.
I raced through every twist and turn,
Never again to drink and drive, that was my pledge,
The tires squealed, and I could smell them burn.
So close now, no time to unnerve,
Imagining bullets: a hail, a barrage,
I rounded the last, final curve
And pulled into my own garage.
Don't cry for me, cry for yourselves
I mumbled through bitterness borne of fear,
You naughty pixies, you mischievous elves.
Who made me drink just one last beer.
I’m as innocent as a wee little cherub,
I’m not to blame for any trouble or sorrow.
It’s not my fault all my friends love the pub,
Now to sleep, I’ll see them again tomorrow.
- Patrick
"...that Siren which called and sang and promised so much and gave, after all, so little." ~ Ray Bradbury
fantastic! another Great One is here, please please write and post more and more! The bear is very excited and very impressed!
hopefully, I will be able to come up with something like critics later, but so far only one thing: rhyme pedal/kettle is one of the best I've seen in months!
Also: maybe you would like to break that big post into separate posts, that would make it easier for those who will navigate here from the Index
Ask not what bears can do for you, but what you can do for bears. (razz)
When one is in agreement with bears one is always correct. (mae)
bears are back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thank you, Jean. I really don't do creative writing, poetry or anything else. I'm pretty darn sure this is the first time I ever wrote anything like this for a website.
I wish I had found this thread sometime before midnight. By the time I read through the entire thread, it was even later. It would have been helpful to be a little more awake writing it. It's 3am now and I'm exhausted (and babbling). Thanks for the pedal/kettle recognition.
I don't mean to be a bother, but I do want to keep it in one post as it tells one story. As I said earlier,
"...that Siren which called and sang and promised so much and gave, after all, so little." ~ Ray Bradbury
ok then, I just thought it could be, you know, the same poem but in different posts. I am afraid it would be separate entries in the Index; look at it tomorrow and tell me how you would like to alter your entry there.
Ask not what bears can do for you, but what you can do for bears. (razz)
When one is in agreement with bears one is always correct. (mae)
bears are back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I read them , as one continuous story....
Glad you made it back home safe Patrick.
Did you leave her in a safe place?
The answer is within
Thanks. It's fiction, my friend.I read them , as one continuous story....
Glad you made it back home safe Patrick.
Did you leave her in a safe place?
"...that Siren which called and sang and promised so much and gave, after all, so little." ~ Ray Bradbury
ideas are real, but this had the feeling of being something one of us had experienced on some level.
The answer is within
I guess I better check out this Index then, so I'll understand.
Thanks again for the compliments up there.
Like I said, I would consider it a first draft, but have doubts that I'll bother to work on it much. Mainly I just wanted to see if I could include every opening line in the contest thus far, and in the order they've appeared in the contest. I think the rhymes all work, but it clearly leaves a whole lot to be desired from a poet's perspective (rhythm, meter, whatever), so feel free to critique away.
Maybe posting at 3am on a Friday night added to the realism? But speaking for myself personally, I've never ditched anyone by the side of the road.ideas are real, but this had the feeling of being something one of us had experienced on some level.
"...that Siren which called and sang and promised so much and gave, after all, so little." ~ Ray Bradbury
Must of been me then....
The answer is within
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