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Thread: Beat My Joke

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    Gunslinger Apprentice Ka-tet is on a distinguished road Ka-tet's Avatar

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    Default Beat My Joke

    A silly little game, basicly one person post a joke the next person trys to beat it so on and so forth for eternity.

    I love this joke xD

    There are two muffins in a oven, the first muffin says to the other "jesus christ its hot in here" the other muffin says "FUCK ME ITS A TALKING MUFFIN"

    LOL
    If you love me, then love me-Susan of mejis
    See the turtle, aint he keen? All things serve the fucking beam-Eddie of NewYork
    You burn prettily-Corwin of Amber

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    Palaver Castle Chef mia/susannah is on a distinguished road mia/susannah's Avatar

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    that was very funny. Heres mine:

    This woman was pregnant with twins. The twins are talking to each other in the womb, the first baby says, What do you want to be when you grow up? The second baby says I want to be a doctor and help people. The second baby ask the first the same thing, The baby says, I want to be a hunter. The second baby say why? The first baby says so I can kill the snake that keeps spitting in my eyes.


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    damned and saved Letti will become famous soon enough Letti's Avatar

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    First I read the title of the thread this way "Beat my Jake"... it sounded really interesting.

    Roland would have understood.

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    The Asset Girlystevedave is a splendid one to behold Girlystevedave is a splendid one to behold Girlystevedave is a splendid one to behold Girlystevedave is a splendid one to behold Girlystevedave is a splendid one to behold Girlystevedave is a splendid one to behold Girlystevedave is a splendid one to behold Girlystevedave's Avatar

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    Quote Originally Posted by Letti View Post
    First I read the title of the thread this way "Beat my Jake"...
    You were probably wondering what kind of dirty thread this was

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    damned and saved Letti will become famous soon enough Letti's Avatar

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    Quote Originally Posted by Girlystevedave View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Letti View Post
    First I read the title of the thread this way "Beat my Jake"...
    You were probably wondering what kind of dirty thread this was
    I was running here! *laughs*

    Roland would have understood.

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    Citizen of Gilead jemaher will become famous soon enough jemaher will become famous soon enough

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    Man walks up to a woman in a bar and says" you are so beautiful, I must have you. Would you have sex with me for a million dollars?" the woman blushes and stammers " wow, um , I might..." The guy says.. " Well how about for a hundred dollars?" The woman indignantly retorts " What kind of woman do you think I am???"

    The guy replys "We have already established that, Now were just haggling over the price!"

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    Traveler cappsy is on a distinguished road cappsy's Avatar

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    dude thats a good one
    a man is on his honey moon and after sex he turns to his new wife and says "are you sure youre a virgin"
    the wife looks at him shocked and says "yeah im sure why does every one keep asking me that"

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    Gunslinger Apprentice blackrose22 is on a distinguished road blackrose22's Avatar

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    A lot of girls don't seem to like this joke or pretend not to get the punchline.

    Two lesbians in the bath. One says wears the soap and the other one replies sure does!

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    Traveler cappsy is on a distinguished road cappsy's Avatar

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    a guy walks into a bar and orders a triple scoth the bartender gives it to him and the guy slams it back
    "rough nite" the bartender asks
    "yeah" the guy replies"i caught my wife cheating on me with my best freind"
    "what you do"
    i kicked my wife out and said the only thing i could to my friend bad dog
    one by one the lawn gnomes steal my sanity

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    Super Saiyan Mark is on a distinguished road Mark's Avatar

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    A man walks into a bar. Ouch.
    2:45 am- 11th February 2008- I Finished The Dark Tower

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    Gunslinger Apprentice Ryan is on a distinguished road Ryan's Avatar

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    Three tough mice walk in to a bar and order a shot of tequila each.
    The bartender commenting on the leather and chains wearing mice says "wow, you three mice sure do look tough"
    The first mouse says "I'm so tough, when I see a piece of cheese in a trap I go right for it and when the bar comes slamming into my chest I bench press it 50 times." He takes his shot of tequila and drops it back in one gulp.
    The second mouse chuckles and says "I'm so tough, I brush my teeth and gargle with rat poison every morning." He takes his shot of tequila and drops it back in one gulp.
    The third mouse looks the other two mice over, takes his shot of tequila and drops it back in one gulp, slams the glass on the counter, gets up and heads for the door.
    The bartender, anxious to find out just how tough the third mouse is, calls after him asking, "where ya goin tough mouse?"
    The mouse stops at the door, looks over his shoulder at the three of them and says "I'm going home to fuck the cat....again"
    Constant Reader



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    Roont Matt will become famous soon enough Matt's Avatar

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    I heard this somewhere--may have been here.

    A woman is complaining about her breasts not being big enough.

    Here husband tells her if she rubs a pice of tissue between them once, sometimes twice a day. They will grow to three times their normal size.

    She does this for a while and tells him it doesn't seem to be working.

    He tells her...

    "Really? It sure worked on your ass"

    <don't kill me ladies, I was just retelling >
    The kindness of close friends is like a warm blanket

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    Traveler cappsy is on a distinguished road cappsy's Avatar

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    hickory dickory dock three mice ran up a clock the clock struck one the other two got away with minor injuries

    not to good but hey it made me giggle
    one by one the lawn gnomes steal my sanity

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    Banned Jimmy is on a distinguished road

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    A salesman from KFC walked up to the Pope and offers him a million dollars if he would change "The Lord's Prayer" from "give us this day our daily bread" to "give us this day our daily chicken." The Pope refused his offer.

    Two weeks later, the man offered the pope 10 million dollars to change it from "give us this day our daily bread" to "give us this day our daily chicken" and again the Pope refused the man's generous offer. Another week later, the man offered the Pope 20 million dollars and finally the Pope accepted. The following day, the Pope said to all his officials, "I have some good news and some bad news. 'The good news is, that we have just received a check for 20 million dollars. The bad news is, we lost the Wonder Bread account!'''

  16. #16
    aka lindakins alinda is just really nice alinda is just really nice alinda is just really nice alinda is just really nice alinda's Avatar

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    Ok, so there is a ugly old witch
    and a beautiful faire maiden and
    they are talking to one another.
    The witch asks what it means
    that when men pass her by they

    and the young maiden reply's
    men do that when they find
    a woman attractive...and the
    ugly old witch say's ..."well
    they must think I am georgous
    cause when they pass by me
    they always do this!

    The answer is within

    all matter is energy, all energy is GOD

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    Traveler cappsy is on a distinguished road cappsy's Avatar

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    a man walks in to a bar with a giraffe and has a few drinks the giraffe gets tipsy and falls over the man goes to leave
    "heyshouts the bartender "you cant leave that lyin there"
    "hats not a lyin"the man says"thats a giraffe"
    one by one the lawn gnomes steal my sanity

  18. #18
    aka lindakins alinda is just really nice alinda is just really nice alinda is just really nice alinda is just really nice alinda's Avatar

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    The answer is within

    all matter is energy, all energy is GOD

  19. #19
    Palaver Castle Chef mia/susannah is on a distinguished road mia/susannah's Avatar

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    Underwear Dust

    One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife, “Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in Slim Fast. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!”

    His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply could not let such a comment go unrewarded.

    The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer. “What the heck is this?” He said to himself as a little dust cloud appeared when he shook them out.

    “Honey” he hollered into the bathroom, “why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?”

    She replied… “It’s not talcum powder…It’s MIRACLE GROW!!

  20. #20
    Life is beautiful LadyHitchhiker will become famous soon enough LadyHitchhiker will become famous soon enough LadyHitchhiker's Avatar

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    A bear walks into a bar in Billings, Montana and sits down. He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a beer.

    The bartender approaches and says, "We don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings."

    The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer. The bartender tells him again, more forcefully, "We don't serve beer to belligerent bears in bars in Billings."

    The bear, very angry now, says, "If you don't serve me a beer, I'm going to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar."

    The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings."

    The bear goes to the end of the bar, and as promised, eats the woman. He comes back to his seat and again demands a beer.

    The bartender states, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings that are on drugs."

    The bear says, "I'm not on drugs."

    The bartender says, "You are now, that was a Barbitchyouate."

  21. #21
    Palaver Castle Chef mia/susannah is on a distinguished road mia/susannah's Avatar

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    That was a good one. Ladyhitchhiker

  22. #22
    Life is beautiful LadyHitchhiker will become famous soon enough LadyHitchhiker will become famous soon enough LadyHitchhiker's Avatar

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    That's one of my favorites...

  23. #23
    Palaver Castle Chef mia/susannah is on a distinguished road mia/susannah's Avatar

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    THE ABILITY TO MAKE AND UNDERSTAND PUNS IS THE HIGHEST LEVEL OF LANGUAGE DEVELOPMENT!!

    Here are the ten first place winners in the International Pun Contest!!

    1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passeneger."

    2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, "Dam!"

    3. Two eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you cna't have your kayak and heat it too.

    4. Two Hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive."

    5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

    6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

    7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal". The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal!"

    8. A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of god, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they refused. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he would be back if they did not close their shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent Florist Friars.

    9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super callosed fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

    10. And finally, there was this person who sent ten different puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

  24. #24
    Banned The Lady of Shadows is on a distinguished road

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    mao

    i love puns.

  25. #25
    Weedeater Nerak is a jewel in the rough Nerak is a jewel in the rough Nerak is a jewel in the rough Nerak is a jewel in the rough Nerak's Avatar

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    A bear and a rabbit were taking a shit in the woods, the bear says to the rabbit, do you have a problem with shit sticking to your fur, the rabbit said no, the bear wiped his ass with the rabbit...
    Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and smarter than you think.

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