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    Default Everyone Loves Clowns And Other Tales

    My book - Everyone Loves Clowns And Other Tales - a collection of 6 short stories and one novella is finally out
    You can get it on Amazon in either paperback or eBook, and I think for over 80,000 words and a bunch of artwork, it's a pretty damn good price - http://amzn.to/1pw9jGK



    But I've started this thread, to gather reviews and for any questions, discussions
    If anyone would like to review the collection, let me know and I can send along a proof PDF!
    I've got 2 reviews so far and I'm very happy!

    From Amazon 4/5
    I don't love clowns, I really don't, and this book really doesn't help change my mind. The title story of this book confirms all my fears of what clowns are really capable of, and Thomas Cranham story from the point of view of one small child's battle against Clueless the Clown made for a good read.

    I do like this book a lot. I took it on a camping holiday and worked through each story through the week, nothing better than reading a short horror story before sleep!

    Each story has its own flavour, often based around the Town of Matlock and it's surrounding areas, with the twist of horror, supernatural and lots of death!

    I do like zombie tales, and A Bedtime Story and Oh To Be Alive are especially enjoyable reads, both from a time when Zombies have already made their impact on the world and certainly from differing points of view.

    Try this book, you'll enjoy it, and looking forward to reading more of Thomas Cranham in the future.

    From a reviewer on Cemetery Dance's forum - bugen

    Everyone Loves Clowns and Other Tales – Thomas Cranham
    “Because outside the walls the monster (no dragon but pain) had arrived and it struck the barrier with tooth and claw, fire and fist, and little Emily’s defender, her knight was nowhere to be seen.”

    Consisting of six dark tales and novella, and written by one of this forum’s very own, this book runs a gamut of horror. Only two of the tales within would I classify as fair but enjoyable, while the remaining five serve to elevate the collection as a whole into a realm I did not expect when starting.

    I would like to speak in some detail about the two top stories.

    The book’s opener, ‘Oh To Be Alive’, deals with zombies. For me, this is generally a very bad thing. I have seen the zombie sub-genre butchered beyond what I would think of as reparable and have largely written it off in favor of other horror, a position I am now re-thinking. Told from the perspective of an intelligent zombie, we follow Henry Waterford as he navigates a landscape where the undead are born from death a few minutes later. This tale is not original, per se, but if you really want to embrace this critique you need to realize there are only thirty-six different types of stories anyway. No, it’s not original, but it has a voice, it tackles issues I haven’t seen properly dealt with in a zombie film since Romero’s first Dawn of the Dead, and evokes some of the prejudices shown more recently in District 9. A story that challenges our lifestyles, our outlooks and our discriminations, and has the power to spark debate. These types of stories get us thinking, and with enough of us thinking we just might make it out of life alive.

    Most important is the final tale of the book. The title novella, ‘Everyone Loves Clowns’, is magic. Barely 5 years old, a girl’s life is in jeopardy battling cancer. An imaginative young Emily is nearly alone in her world of books, beholden to a teacher who resents Emily’s mental prowess, and largely ignored by her classmates until the circus comes to town. After attending Emily is convinced the clowns are eating her peers as she deteriorates from her illness. The author weaves a tale of fancy and horror detailing Emily’s perspective, and a heartrending relationship develops between Emily (the Princess) and her ridiculed classmate Jasper (the Knight) as the clowns, the other classmates, the teacher and the disease are battled. Stories like this are among the reasons I read in the first place.

    Everyone Loves Clowns and Other Tales misses my top rating for a short story collection (4 stars) by less than 1/100th of a point, and I’ve had an internal struggle over what to do here. I have a tie-breaking backup system that informs the rounding process and has worked in the past, but in this case results in another tie. Because he is a new author, I’ve decided to spot him the .0071 points.

    Well done, Mr. Cranham.

    4 stars

  2. #2
    The Tenant Jean has much to be proud of Jean has much to be proud of Jean has much to be proud of Jean has much to be proud of Jean has much to be proud of Jean has much to be proud of Jean has much to be proud of Jean has much to be proud of Jean has much to be proud of Jean has much to be proud of Jean's Avatar

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    wow!! bears are so excited about this!

    Spoiler:
    ... if you don't mind me saying so... : wink :

    Ask not what bears can do for you, but what you can do for bears. (razz)
    When one is in agreement with bears one is always correct. (mae)

    bears are back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  3. #3
    Guardian of the Beam Tito_Villa is a glorious beacon of light Tito_Villa is a glorious beacon of light Tito_Villa is a glorious beacon of light Tito_Villa is a glorious beacon of light Tito_Villa is a glorious beacon of light Tito_Villa's Avatar

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jean View Post
    wow!! bears are so excited about this!

    Spoiler:
    ... if you don't mind me saying so... : wink :
    Ha no, you can say whatever you wish

  4. #4
    The Tenant Jean has much to be proud of Jean has much to be proud of Jean has much to be proud of Jean has much to be proud of Jean has much to be proud of Jean has much to be proud of Jean has much to be proud of Jean has much to be proud of Jean has much to be proud of Jean has much to be proud of Jean's Avatar

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    I would buy the Kindle edition right now if I could figure out the way to get it to my Kindle from the Amazon. I have no wi-fi at home, and their "Manage My Kindle" section doesn't seem to have any other options

    Ask not what bears can do for you, but what you can do for bears. (razz)
    When one is in agreement with bears one is always correct. (mae)

    bears are back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  5. #5
    Rebel Heather19 has much to be proud of Heather19 has much to be proud of Heather19 has much to be proud of Heather19 has much to be proud of Heather19 has much to be proud of Heather19 has much to be proud of Heather19 has much to be proud of Heather19 has much to be proud of Heather19 has much to be proud of Heather19's Avatar

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    Very nice! Just downloaded it Can't wait to read your other stories.
    "Only the gentle are ever really strong."

  6. #6
    Guardian of the Beam Tito_Villa is a glorious beacon of light Tito_Villa is a glorious beacon of light Tito_Villa is a glorious beacon of light Tito_Villa is a glorious beacon of light Tito_Villa is a glorious beacon of light Tito_Villa's Avatar

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    Quote Originally Posted by Heather19 View Post
    Very nice! Just downloaded it Can't wait to read your other stories.
    Thanks Heather

  7. #7
    Servant of Gan Robert Fulman is a splendid one to behold Robert Fulman is a splendid one to behold Robert Fulman is a splendid one to behold Robert Fulman is a splendid one to behold Robert Fulman is a splendid one to behold Robert Fulman is a splendid one to behold Robert Fulman is a splendid one to behold

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    I probably have the earliest printed copy in the USA, which might be a valuable collectible someday if only I hadn't spilled my bottle of soda on it.

  8. #8
    Guardian of the Beam Tito_Villa is a glorious beacon of light Tito_Villa is a glorious beacon of light Tito_Villa is a glorious beacon of light Tito_Villa is a glorious beacon of light Tito_Villa is a glorious beacon of light Tito_Villa's Avatar

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    Ha probably not

  9. #9
    The Tenant Jean has much to be proud of Jean has much to be proud of Jean has much to be proud of Jean has much to be proud of Jean has much to be proud of Jean has much to be proud of Jean has much to be proud of Jean has much to be proud of Jean has much to be proud of Jean has much to be proud of Jean's Avatar

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    Quote Originally Posted by Robert Fulman View Post
    I probably have the earliest printed copy in the USA, which might be a valuable collectible someday if only I hadn't spilled my bottle of soda on it.
    just think how valuable it will be, soda stains and all, when you are both famous

    Ask not what bears can do for you, but what you can do for bears. (razz)
    When one is in agreement with bears one is always correct. (mae)

    bears are back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  10. #10
    Guardian of the Beam Tito_Villa is a glorious beacon of light Tito_Villa is a glorious beacon of light Tito_Villa is a glorious beacon of light Tito_Villa is a glorious beacon of light Tito_Villa is a glorious beacon of light Tito_Villa's Avatar

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jean View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Robert Fulman View Post
    I probably have the earliest printed copy in the USA, which might be a valuable collectible someday if only I hadn't spilled my bottle of soda on it.
    just think how valuable it will be, soda stains and all, when you are both famous
    Haha yes!

  11. #11
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    Another review! Link - http://amzn.to/WlJUTD

    And i love how people see the same story differently!

    From Amazon 4/5
    I loved this book. I read the entire thing in two sittings but I didn't want to stop.
    The first story " Oh To Be Alive" was the only one I didn't care for. Just couldn't get in to it. Not a big fan of intelligent zombies.
    "The Rule of Three" I found fascinating. i don't believe I ever read anything from the perspective of the Grim Reaper before.
    "The Ghost of Bone Mill Road and The Infinite Man" was my favorite story. It was also the saddest. About a man who moves to a new house and encounters ghosts.
    "The Left is Sinister" made me start checking how I wake up. Interesting little story.
    "The Cows are Coming" was a nice bloody story. For anyone who likes a little gore in their books. Didn't see the end coming.
    "A Bedtime Story" was quite good. About how kids have to quickly grow up in a zombie apocalypse.
    "Everyone Loves Clowns" was the longest story. I don't think I like clowns anymore. Young Emily has to battle clowns and her own illness and her classmates start to vanish. i could read a whole novel on this story.

    This book is highly recommended and comes with many different illustrations from many artists. I would happily read anything else Thomas Cranham writes.

  12. #12
    Guardian of the Beam Tito_Villa is a glorious beacon of light Tito_Villa is a glorious beacon of light Tito_Villa is a glorious beacon of light Tito_Villa is a glorious beacon of light Tito_Villa is a glorious beacon of light Tito_Villa's Avatar

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    A review from our own George on Amazon.com Link - http://amzn.to/1pO8oM5

    Welcome to the village of Matlock, the river Derwent, and a whole lotta strange goings-on. From zombies to vampire cows to a toy clown that always aims to have the last laugh (as clowns always should), Thomas Cranham has put together a collection of six stories and a novella that will keep you turning the pages long past the time you should have gone to bed because you have to get up for work in the morning. Believe me, I know. Love the cover art by Daniele Serra, it really sets the tone and is repeated throughout by noted artists such as Jill Bauman, Glenn Chadbourne (both whom have illustrated Stephen King books), Alyssa Gerwig, and Agata Piasecka. My two favorite stories within are "The Ghost of Bone Mill and the Infinite Man" ("I am infinite and will be feasting on hearts when your bones have turned to dust") and the novella that lends its name to the title, "Everyone Loves Clowns" ("Why do mummies and daddies think kids love clowns?"). If you're a clown lover (hard to imagine, if you ask me), this story may just be the one that finally convinces you of what the rest of us already know.

    Get this book, you won't regret it. Just remember ... "AAAARGH UG ARGHH"!

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    is the HC going to be an option Tom? If you tell me no it will never happen , you still gain a sale of the current book, but I'd much prefer a hardcover version
    "A real limited edition, far from being an expensive autograph stapled to a novel, is a treasure. And like all treasures do, it transforms the responsible owner into a caretaker, and being a caretaker of something as fragile and easily destroyed as ideas and images is not a bad thing but a good one...and so is the re-evaluation of what books are and what they do that necessarily follows." - Stephen King

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jean View Post
    I would buy the Kindle edition right now if I could figure out the way to get it to my Kindle from the Amazon. I have no wi-fi at home, and their "Manage My Kindle" section doesn't seem to have any other options
    can bears not take their kindle to a wifi hotspot? if the book is purchased it should automatically download using whispersync.
    "A real limited edition, far from being an expensive autograph stapled to a novel, is a treasure. And like all treasures do, it transforms the responsible owner into a caretaker, and being a caretaker of something as fragile and easily destroyed as ideas and images is not a bad thing but a good one...and so is the re-evaluation of what books are and what they do that necessarily follows." - Stephen King

  16. #16
    Guardian of the Beam Tito_Villa is a glorious beacon of light Tito_Villa is a glorious beacon of light Tito_Villa is a glorious beacon of light Tito_Villa is a glorious beacon of light Tito_Villa is a glorious beacon of light Tito_Villa's Avatar

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    Quote Originally Posted by stroppygoblin View Post
    is the HC going to be an option Tom? If you tell me no it will never happen , you still gain a sale of the current book, but I'd much prefer a hardcover version
    Honestly mate, at the moment i'm not sure. I'd like to get a few hardcovers (and include a new story), but at the moment i would have to pay upfront and with buying a house, money is tight.
    So short answer (which is probably what you wanted, right?), yes, but not until next year!

  17. #17
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    is the HC going to be an option Tom? If you tell me no it will never happen , you still gain a sale of the current book, but I'd much prefer a hardcover version
    While it's not a hardcover per se, you can always grab the softcover from Amazon versus a download, only a $7 difference (and of course free shipping if you're a Prime member). I really really ... really ... don't like reading on a computer/kindle/whatever, which is odd because I can write on one all day long but when it comes to reading for pleasure, I want/need the pages in my hand, so much more enjoyable. I had Tom's pdf and ordered the softcover anyway; glad I did just for the cover art. But yes, I agree, a hardcover (when financially feasible) is a must!
    WANT LIST: Dark Man Unbound 1st Proof; FDNS Unbound 1st Proof; FDNS Black Tape Spine Proof; FDNS Unbound Color Proof

  18. #18
    Goldmember herbertwest has much to be proud of herbertwest has much to be proud of herbertwest has much to be proud of herbertwest has much to be proud of herbertwest has much to be proud of herbertwest has much to be proud of herbertwest has much to be proud of herbertwest has much to be proud of herbertwest has much to be proud of herbertwest's Avatar

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    The full cover artwork is simply amazing !
    ------------------------------------------------
    CLUB STEPHEN KING (french website about STEPHEN KING, since 1992) : on : Facebook | Twitter
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  19. #19
    Guardian of the Beam Tito_Villa is a glorious beacon of light Tito_Villa is a glorious beacon of light Tito_Villa is a glorious beacon of light Tito_Villa is a glorious beacon of light Tito_Villa is a glorious beacon of light Tito_Villa's Avatar

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    Quote Originally Posted by herbertwest View Post
    The full cover artwork is simply amazing !
    Dani does some amazing work!

  20. #20
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    Downloaded to my Kindle... I hope I can view the artwork!
    Wanted: Human skin edition of The Book of the Dead. Will accept PC copy.

  21. #21
    Guardian of the Beam Tito_Villa is a glorious beacon of light Tito_Villa is a glorious beacon of light Tito_Villa is a glorious beacon of light Tito_Villa is a glorious beacon of light Tito_Villa is a glorious beacon of light Tito_Villa's Avatar

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    Quote Originally Posted by becca69 View Post
    Downloaded to my Kindle... I hope I can view the artwork!
    Thanks Becca and yes you should be able to see all the artwork!

  22. #22
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    A 5* review on Amazon.co.uk

    Excellent book of short stories , I just couldn't put it down . Full of friendly zombies just trying to get along and a story from deaths point of view.
    Can't wait for the next

  23. #23
    The Tenant Jean has much to be proud of Jean has much to be proud of Jean has much to be proud of Jean has much to be proud of Jean has much to be proud of Jean has much to be proud of Jean has much to be proud of Jean has much to be proud of Jean has much to be proud of Jean has much to be proud of Jean's Avatar

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    I don't know how long will it take me to add my own review to the ones already there (everything takes me ages nowadays), but I can already say that it will be another 5 *

    Ask not what bears can do for you, but what you can do for bears. (razz)
    When one is in agreement with bears one is always correct. (mae)

    bears are back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  24. #24
    Guardian of the Beam Tito_Villa is a glorious beacon of light Tito_Villa is a glorious beacon of light Tito_Villa is a glorious beacon of light Tito_Villa is a glorious beacon of light Tito_Villa is a glorious beacon of light Tito_Villa's Avatar

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jean View Post
    I don't know how long will it take me to add my own review to the ones already there (everything takes me ages nowadays), but I can already say that it will be another 5 *
    Thanks for that Jean, i'm really glad you enjoyed the stories!

  25. #25
    Guardian of the Beam Tito_Villa is a glorious beacon of light Tito_Villa is a glorious beacon of light Tito_Villa is a glorious beacon of light Tito_Villa is a glorious beacon of light Tito_Villa is a glorious beacon of light Tito_Villa's Avatar

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    So i put 5 copies of the book on Goodreads for a giveaway (I hope to get some reviews) while thinking that i wouldn't get any real interest.
    I was shocked this morning to find that 422 people requested a copy :O

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