Parodies

[LadyHitchhiker]

In my spare time, I like to make parodies. Especially lately ones that include the Dark Tower.... anyone who wants to share parodies of The Dark Tower, please feel free! I love them!!!! I thought we could enclose here our Dark Tower parodies... Hope this hasn't been done before... hope you guys have fun with this. Also, if you want to put any other kinds of parodies in here, what they hey? Cuz I certainly have done that too!

WARNING SPOILERS THROUGHOUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!! If you have not finished the series and don't want it spoiled, don't bother coming here, missies and misters!

So here's some of my favorite ones, to start with:

Red King Arising to tune of Bad Moon Arising

I see the Red King arising.
I see trouble on the way.
I see Beamquakes and lightnin.
I see bad times for you today.

Dont go around tonight,
Well, he's bound to take your life,
Theres a Red King on the rise.

I hear the dark winds ablowing.
I know beam's end is coming soon.
I fear feelings over flowing.
I hear the voice of rage and ruin.

Dont mess around tonight,
Well, he's bound to change your life,
Theres a Red King on the rise.
All right!

Hope you got your shit together.
Hope you are quite prepared to die.
Looks like were in for nasty weather.
A gunslinger's going to die tonight.

Dont mess around tonight,
Well, he's bound to change your life,
Theres a Red King on the rise.
Dont go around tonight,
Well, he's bound to change your life,
Theres a Red King on the rise.


Pretty Mordred to tune of Pretty Woman
Pretty Mordred, crawling down the street
Pretty Mordred, the kind who likes to eat
Pretty Mordred
I don't believe you, you can't be true
No one could look as good as you
Mercy

Pretty Mordred, won't you pardon me
Pretty Mordred, I couldn't help see
Pretty Mordred
That you look lovely as can be
Are you hungry just like me
Wow

Pretty Mordred, stop a while
Pretty Mordred, talk a while
Pretty Mordred, gave your smile to me
Pretty Mordred, yeah yeah yeah
Pretty Mordred, look my way
Pretty Mordred, say you'll stay with me
'Cause I need you, I'll treat you right
Come spiderbaby, be mine tonight

Pretty Mordred, don't walk on by
Pretty Mordred, make me cry
Pretty Mordred, don't walk away, hey...okay
If that's the way it must be, okay
I guess I'll go to the tower, it's late
There'll be tomorrow night, but wait
What do I see
Is he crawling back to me
Yeah, he's crawling back to me
Oh, oh, Pretty Mordred


I would do anything for Los, But I Won't do that to tune of And I Would Do Anything For Love But I Won't Do That
And I would do anything for Los, I'd run right into hell and back
I would do anything for Los, I'll never lie to you or break my pact
But I'll never forget the way you make me feel right now, oh no, no way
And I would do anything for Los, but I won't do that, I won't do that
Anything for Los, oh I would do anything for Los
I would do anything for Los, but I won't do that, oh I won't do that

Some days I can't be easy, and some days you can't be hard
Some days we don't come at all, and these are the days that never end
Some nights you're breathing fire, and some nights I'm carved in ice
Some nights we're changing the world into what we want it be again

Maybe I'm crazy, but it's crazy and it's true
I know you can save me, no one else can save me now but you

As long as the beams are breaking, as long as the Earth is shaking
As long our dreams are coming true, you better believe it

That I would do anything for Los, and I'll be there til the final act
I would do anything for Los, and I'll take a vow and seal a pact

But I'll never forgive myself if we don't break a beam tonight
And I would do anything for Los, oh I would do anything for Los
Oh I would do anything for Los, but I won't do that, no I won't do that

I would do anything for Los, anything you've been dreaming of
But I just won't do that
(repeats 3x)

(Solo)

Some days I pray for silence, somedays I pray for your soul
Some days I just pray to the God of Sex and Drums and Discordia
Some nights I lose all feeling, and some nights I lose control
Some nights I just lose it all when I watch you dance and the thunder rolls

Maybe I'm lonely and just a lonely llama fox Taheen
There's just one and only, the one and only promise I can really mean

As long as the wheels of Anti-Ka are turning, as long as the fire inside me's burning
As long as your plans are coming true, you better believe it

That I would do anything for Los, and you know it's true and that's a fact
I would do anything for Los, and there'll never be no turning back

But I'll never break better than I break with you, so long, so long
And I would do anything for Los, oh I would do anything for Los
I would do anything for Los, but I won't do that, no no no I won't do that

I would do anything for Los, anything you've been dreaming of
But I just won't do that
(repeats 7x)

But I'll never stop dreaming of you every night of my life, no way

And I would do anything for Los, oh I would do anything for Los
I would do anything for Los, but I won't do that, no I won't do that

[Girl:] Will you raise me up, will you help me from being down?
Will you get me right out of this Godforsaken town?
Will you make it all a little less cold?

[Boy:] I can do that! I can do that!

[Girl:] Will you hold me sacred? Will you hold me tight?
Can you colorize my life, I'm so sick of red and white?
Can you make me feel a little less old?

[Boy:] I can do that! Oh oh, now I can do that!

[Girl:] Will you make me some magic, with your own two hands?
Can you build a tower before me with these grains of sand?
Can you give me something I can call home?

[Boy:] I can do that! Oh oh now, I can do that!

[Girl:] Will you cater to every fantasy I got?
Will ya hose me down with holy water, if I get too hot?
Will you take me places I've never known?

[Boy:] I can do that! Oh oh now, I can do that!

[Girl:] After a while you'll forget everything
It was a brief interlude and a midsummer night's fling
And you'll see that it's time for the world to move on

[Boy:] I won't do that! No I won't do that!

[Girl:] I know the territories, I've been around
It'll all turn to dust and we'll all fall down
And sooner or later, you'll be screwing around

[Boy:] I won't do that! No I won't do that!

Anything for Los, oh I would do anything for Los
I would do anything for Los, but I won't do that, no I won't do that

(Many more to come...)

[LadyHitchhiker]

I made one to the tune of Rose Tints My World from Rocky Horror Picture Show and is as follows below:

Susan:
It was great when it all began
I was a regular Roland fan.
But it was over when I found out his plan
to start walking towards the tower land
Now theo nly thing that gives me hope
is my love of a certain dope
A rose in my world
will keep me safe from my trouble and pain.

Eddie:
I just gave up drugs seven hours ago.
I'm truly clever or so I'm told
And someone should be told
My sense of humor's never been controlled
Now the only thing I've come to trust
is a gun and this gal I lust
A rose in my world
will keep me safe from my trouble and pain.

Jake: It's beyond me, help me Mommy
I'll shoot good, you'll see
Take my father's face away
What's this? I see? The tower before me.
What's come over me!
Whoo! There is is again!

Oy: 'Oa.. I am 'e'leased
'ad 'imes de'eased
'y 'ocabulary's increased
the kat-tet 'as been disbanded
'y 'ind 'as been expanded
It's a 'rip 'ince Roland's 'anded
His quest is so sincere!

Roland: Whatever happened to O'dim?
For many a year I chased him
as my mule began to die
oh how I started to cry
cause I knew I'd have to walk the rest of the way.
Give up every special pleasure.
Forget all the needs of the flesh.
We'll follow the tower, take any measure
and fight all the succubi who offer us pleasure.
Can't you just see it?
Don't dream it, be it, don't dream it, be it
Don't dream it, be it, don't dream it, be it
Don't dream it, be it, don't dream it, be it
Don't dream it, be it, don't dream it, be it

Father Callahan: We've got to stop following this man before our souls can't be redeemed from all the kills. I've got to be strong and try to hang on or else my mind may very well snap and my life will be lived for the kills!

Jake: It's beyond me, help me Mommy

Susan: I think I really need a beer.

Roland My my my, my my my my my My my my my my-y I'm a wild and an untamed thing
Run away from the damn taheen
We'll run to the tower and our guns will sling
Your heart'll thump and your blood will sing
So let the ka-tet all rock on
I'm gonna shake it 'til the last one's gone gone gone
A rose in my world
will keep me safe from my trouble and pain.

All: We're a wild and an untamed thing
Run away from the damn taheen
We'll run to the tower and our guns will sling
Your heart'll thump and your blood will sing
So let the ka-tet all rock on
We're gonna shake it 'til the last one's gone gone gone
A rose in my world
will keep me safe from my trouble and pain.

Crimson King: Roland Deschain you must loop again
You dropped the horn of eld,
didn't love anyone besides your girl you see
I'm the new commander, you now are the prisoner
We return to Keystone Earth, don't forget the Black 19.

[LadyHitchhiker]

Suddenly Roland to tune of Suddenly Seymoure

[Roland]
Lift up your head
Eat a tooterfish sandwich
Here, take some astin
Put your wheelchair away
Forget not your father's face, we'll walk till it's mornin'
I know things'll get bad, but you'll be okay

Suddenly Roland is standin' beside you
You don't need no jewelery, just us to defend
Suddenly Roland is here to provide you
A little heavy-handing
Roland's your friend

[Susannah]
Nobody ever treats me unkindly
Daddy was a dentist
Mama was sure
Ive met this new man and I'll follow him blindly
He's missing a few fingers
But that makes me more sure

Suddenly Roland is standin' beside me
He gives the right orders
He don't condescend
Suddenly Roland is here to provide me
A little heavy-handing
Roland's my friend

[Roland]
Tell me this journey won't last forever
Tell me the good times won't be swept away

[Susannah]
Please understand that it's still strange and fright'nin'
For a ka-tet like ours is it's so hard to say

[Roland]
Suddenly Roland,
He purified me
Suddenly Roland
He showed me I can
Learn how to be more
The girl that's inside me
with a little heavy-handing
with a little heavy-handing
with a little heavy-handing
Roland's the man!

[Roland] [Susannah] [Rest of Ka-tet]
Suddenly Roland,
He purified you
Suddenly Roland
Yes, you can
Learn how to be more
The girl that's inside you
with a little heavy-handing
with a little heavy-handing
with a little heavy-handing
Roland's our man

[LadyHitchhiker]

Something to Believe in

Well I see him in the desert
Preachin bout the promised land
Brown tells me to believe in Jesus
And steals the dreams from my head

Some say he was a good man
But lord I think he sinned, yeah

Many forgotten years of mental tears
From a newly formed ka-tet
Who saw Roland losing fingers on a foreign shore
and find his home would never see him back

His travels took his hawk in his test for manhood
Fire took his wife and that's his one regret
In a time he can't remember
On a quest he can't forget

He cried forgive me for what I've done there
Cause I never meant the things I did

Chorus:
And give me something to believe in
If theres a tower ahead
And give me something to believe in
Oh, lord arise

His last girl died a sad woman
After loving her in her room
Something now he still can't believe
It should have been all over the news

He tried all night not to break down and cry
As the tears never stained his face
He felt so cold and empty
Like a lost soul out of place

And the mirror, mirror on the wall
Sees my smile fade again

Chorus
And give me something to believe in
If theres a tower ahead
And give me something to believe in
Oh, lord arise

Sometimes I wish to Gan I didnt know now
The things I didn't know then
Road you gotta take me home

Solo

I drive by the low people sleeping on a cold dark street
Like bodies in an open grave
Underneath the broken old neon sign
That used to read jesus saves

A mile away live the Luddite folk
And I see how theyre living it up
While the pubes they eat from hand to mouth
They think they're drinkin from a golden cup

And it just makes me wonder
Why so many lose, so few win

And give me something to believe in
If theres a tower ahead
And give me something to believe in
Oh, lord arise

You take the high road
And Ill take the low road

Sometimes I wish to Gan I didnt know now
The things I didnt know then

And give me something to believe in

[LadyHitchhiker]

Oops I did it again parody
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
I think I dropped him again
I made him believe we were more than just friends
Oh Jakey
It might seem like your trust
is something I take as serious
but I put up my defenses
and I am just typically me
Oh Jakey, Jakey,

Chorus:
Oops!...I dropped him again
I played with his heart, got lost in the game
Oh Jakey, Jakey
Oops!...he thinks that I'm in it for love
That I'm sent from above
I'm not that innocent

You see my problem is this
I'm running away
Wishing the tower will truly exist
I cry, watching the days
Can't you see I'm a fool in so many ways
But to put up all my defenses
That is just so typically me
Jakey, oh

Chorus:
Oops!...I dropped him again
I played with his heart, got lost in the game
Oh Jakey, Jakey
Oops!...he thinks that I'm in it for love
That I'm sent from above
I'm not that innocent

Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

Oops!...i dropped him again he fell apart
Got lost in this game, oh Jakey
Oops!...you think that I'm in it for love!
Im not that innocent

[LadyHitchhiker]

Land Down Under Parody

Traveling on a fried-out mule-beast
On the tower trail, head full of purpose
I met a man named brown, told me to say hi to Jesus
He took me in, fed me beans for breakfast
And he said
"Do you come from a land called Gilead?
Where women blow and men are gunslingers?
Are you on, are you on the way to the tower?
You better run, you better take cover."

Sitting in a plane inside another man
Smuggling drugs under a shirt Hawaiian
I said to the stewardess, "Do you speak-a my language?"
She just smiled and gave me a tooterfish sandwich
And she said,

"Do you come from a land called Gilead?
Where women blow and men are gunslingers?
Are you on, are you on the way to the tower?
You better run, you better take cover."

Talking out in the desert,
I could kill that man but it's more than he deserves
I said to the man, "Are you trying to tempt me
Because I come from the land of plenty?"
And he said,

"Oh! Do you come from a land called Gilead?
Where women blow and men are gunslingers?
Are you on, are you on the way to the tower?
You better run, you better take cover."

[LadyHitchhiker]

Parody of Slither by Velvet Revolver
When you look you see right through me,
I cut the rope, I fall to my knees,
Reborn and broken every single time,
Always lose a few more finger,
That's the spot where you run to me,
Might see some type of pleasure in my mind,

Yeah here comes the tower
It comes to wash away the sins of you and I,
This time you'll see,

When you fulfill me, you destroy me,
Rape my mind and smell the rosefields,
Reborn and bloodied every single time,
Always lose a few more fingers,
That's the spot where you might linger,
Might see some type of pleasure in my mind,

Yeah, here comes the tower,
It comes to wash away the sins of you and I,
This time you'll see, the holy tower,
It only kills you faster than you'd ever try,
This time with me,

When you look you see right through me,
I cut the rope, I fall to my knees,
Reborn and blooded every single time,

Yeah, here comes the tower,
It comes to wash away the sins of you and I,
This time you'll see, the holy tower,
It only kills you faster than you'd ever try,
This time with me,

[LadyHitchhiker]

Parody of Verve Pipes' We Were Merely Freshmen

When I was young I knew everything
a 14 year old gunslinger who never took advice
Now I'm guilt stricken, sobbin' heading to the last door
Smell the roses, take a breath once or twice

I can't be held responsible
'Cause she was looking for her father's face
I won't be held responsible
She fell in love in the first place

For the life of me I cannot remember
What made us think that we were wise and we'd never compromise
For the life of me I cannot believe we'd ever die for the tower again
We were just a ka-tet

My best friend had a drug addiction and did his best to forget her
He took a week's worth of valium and slept
And now he's guilt stricken sobbin' with his head on the floor
With her at keystone Earth and he never really wept he says

I can't be held responsible
'Cause she was looking for her father's face
I won't be held responsible
She fell in love in the first place

For the life of me I cannot remember
What made us think that we were wise and we'd never compromise
For the life of me I cannot believe we'd ever die for the tower again
We were just a ka-tet

We've never tried to wash our hands of all of this
We never talk of our lacking relationships
And how we're guilt stricken sobbin' with our heads on the floor
We let the boy fall again, when we tried not to slip, we'd say

I can't be held responsible
'Cause she was looking for her father's face
I won't be held responsible
She fell in love in the first place

For the life of me I cannot remember
What made us think that we were wise and we'd never compromise
For the life of me I cannot believe we'd ever die for these sins
We were just a ka-tet

For the life of me I cannot remember
What made us think that we were wise and we'd never compromise
For the life of me I cannot believe we'd ever die for these sins
We were just a ka-tet

We were just a ka-tet
We were just a ka-tet
We were just a ka-tet

[LadyHitchhiker]

Sweet Transvestite parody

How d'you do, I see you've spotted the hiding low men
They're just a little keyed up because when you showed up
they thought they were going to win with the dark man.
Don't get hung up by the way I look
don't judge a book by its cover
I may be missing a few fingers here or there
but I can still shoot you before you blow your cover.

I'm just a Sweet Gunslinger from Gilead now gone away.

So let me show you around, we'll listen to lobstrosities sounds
I looked through a door, thought I was in a movie
Or if you want something physical, that's not too abysmal
I can show you how to shoot a gun like me.

I'm glad we found you alone, and that we're not alone
in this world that seems to have moved on in a flurry.
We'll just go back through the door, and try to ignore
anything happened so we don't have to worry.

So you got caught on a world that you think is flat
Well children don't you panic
By the light of the night I'll make it alright
and we will all escape Fannin.

I'm just a Sweet Gunslinger from Gilead now gone away.

So why don't you stay for the night? Or maybe a bite?
I could show you my favourite obsession.
I've been following a tower and a dark man
and he's good for making a great suspension.

I'm just a Sweet Gunslinger from Gilead now gone away.

So let's go up to the tower, maybe we'll take a shower.
I see you shiver with antici... pation!
But maybe the wind isn't really the sin.
So I'll remove the cause, but not the symptom.

[LadyHitchhiker]

On the day I went away... goodbye...
Was all I had to say... now I...
I want to come again and stay... Oh my my...
Don't drop the horn and that will mean that I may

Cause I've seen the tower, through the tears
In my eyes
And I realise.. I'm going home.

Everywhere it's been the same... trying to learn some feelings...
Like I'm outside in the rain... with Susannah wheeling...
Free, to try and find a game... dealing...
Cards for prisoners, cards for bane

Cause I've seen blue skies through the tears
In my eyes
And I realise.. I'm going home.

I'm going home, I'm going home.

[LadyHitchhiker]

In Just Seven Days I can make you a man parody

A gunslinger weighing ninety-eight pounds
Will get sand in his face but will stay off the ground.
And soon after O'dim with a determined chin,
The sweat seeps from his pores as he works for his cause...
Will make him glisten... and gleam
And with sacrifice he'll follow the beams
He'll make it to the end
He'll be a strong man. Oh honey...
And the wrong man.

He'll eat tooterfish sandwiches and he'll chop off your head
try to stab a spider in the chest, arms, and legs
Such an effort if he only knew of my plan.
In just seven hours, I can bring you the tower.

He'll shoot cyborg-bears, fight men in black, and lobstrosities berserk
He thinks emotional baggage is just too hard of a word.
He's so unforgiving I just don't understand
When in just seven hours, I can bring you to the tower

[LadyHitchhiker]

Man in black, I hit the sack
Travelled too long, chasing the man in black
Saw Hax hang from the noose
Couldn't keep hangin' about
I avoid the bad weed, cause it's a bad high
Forget the hearse, 'cause I never die
I got nine lives, cat's eyes
abusing every one of them and gunning wild

[Chorus]
Chasing the man in black! Man in Black!
Chasing the man in black! Man in Black!
Chasing the man in black! Blaaack...
Chasing the man in black! Blaaack...
Back chasing the man in black!
Yes, the damn man in black!

I've formed a band, to fill what I lack
All got guns filled with bullets, we're a poewr pack
Yes I'm in a band with a gang,
gotta chase the tower, so we don't all hang
And we're back on the track, beatin the flack
Nobody's gonna make me take any of their crap
So look at me now, I'm gonna make the man pay
Don't try to push your luck, just get outta my way

[Chorus]
Let's go!

[Chorus]

Aww yeah! Let's go!
Keep on goin'! Yeah yeah!
Yeah... aww yeah yeah!
Here we go!

[Chorus]

Outta sight!

[LadyHitchhiker]

I'm A Slave For You Parody
I know I may be old now, but I've got feelings too.
And I need to do what I feel like doing.
So let me go and just listen.

All you people look at me like I'm a little boy.
Well did you ever think it be okay for you to step into my world.

Always saying little boy don't bother to step up.
Well I'm just tryin' to find out why cause the tower is all I love.

chase it chase it, chase it chase it (WHOOOA)
chase it chase it, chase it chase it (WHOOOOOA) (Do you like it)
chase it chase it, chase it chase it (OOOHHHH) (This feels good)

I know I may come off quiet, I may come off shy.
But I feel like talking, feel like dancing when I see the path in the sky.

What's practical is logical. What the hell, who cares?
All I know is I'm so happy when I see the path is there.

I'm a slave for you. I cannot hold it; I cannot control it.
I'm a slave for you. I won't deny it; I'm not trying to hide it.

Baby, don't you wanna, show the path to me,
(I just wanna dance next to you)
To another time and place.
Baby, don't you wanna, dance upon me,
(Are you ready)
Screaming out the names, my age.
(Lets go)

(Like that)
(You like it)
(Now watch me)

Get it get it, get it get it (WHOOOA)
Get it get it, get it get it (WHOOOOOA)
Get it get it, get it get it (OOOHHHH)
(Panting)

I really wanna dance, follow the path that's true
(I just can't help myself)
I really wanna do what ka tells me to.
(I just feel I let myself go)

I really wanna dance, follow the path that's true
(Wanna see you move)
I really wanna do what ka tells me to.
(Uh Uh Uh)

Baby, don't you wanna, show the path to me,
(I just wanna dance next to you)
To another time and place.
Baby, don't you wanna, show the path to me,
(Are you ready)
Screaming out the names, my age.

I'm a slave for you. (Take that) I cannot hold it; I cannot control it.
I'm a slave (It just feels right) for you. (It just feels good)
I won't deny it; I'm not trying to hide it. (Baby)

chase it chase it, chase it chase it (WHOOOA)
chase it chase it, chase it chase it (WHOOOOOA) (Do you like it)
chase it chase it, chase it chase it (OOOHHHH) (This feels good)

(Panting)

chase it chase it, chase it chase it (WHOOOA)
chase it chase it, chase it chase it (WHOOOOOA) (Do you like it)
chase it chase it, chase it chase it (OOOHHHH) (This feels good)

(Panting)

I'm a slave for you. (Here we go now)
I cannot hold it; I cannot control it.
I'm a slave for you. (Here we go) I won't deny it, (Yeah)
I'm not trying to hide it.

(Like that)

[LadyHitchhiker]

PARODY of OBJECTION BY SHAKIRA
Its not your fault that the tower's irresistable
But all the damage you cause isn't fixable
Every twenty seconds you repeat her name
But when it comes to me you dont care
If I'm alive or dead

So objection, I dont wanna be the exception
To get a bit of your attention
I love you for free know the face of my father
But you dont even bother

Objection I'm tired of your angles
Got dizzy dancing tango
Im falling apart in your hands again
No way I've got to get away

Next to its cheap stone I look minimal
Thats why in front of your eyes I'm invisible
But you gotta know small things also count
You better put your feet on the ground
And see what its about

So objection, I dont wanna be the exception
To get a bit of your attention
I love you for free know the face of my father
But you dont even bother

Objection the angles of this triangle
Got dizzy dancing tango
I'm falling apart in your hands again
No way

I wish there was a chance for you and me
I wish you would give up on the tower and we
could get away from here

This is pathetic and ironic
Its masochistic and psychotic
Tango is not for three
Was never meant to be
But you can try it
Rehearse it
Or wear out another horse
But don't you count on me
Oh don't you count on me boy!

So objection, I dont wanna be the exception
To get a bit of your attention
I love you for free know the face of my father
But you dont even bother

Objection Im tired of your angles
Got dizzy dancing tango
I'm falling apart in your hands again
No way I've got to get away

[LadyHitchhiker]

Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me PARODY (I had to... hee hee...)
"I can't light no more of your darkness
All my pictures seem to serve the red and white
I'm growing tired and time means nothing to me
Frozen here on the ladder of my life

Too late to save Jake from falling
I took a chance and changed your way of life
But you misread my meaning when I met you
Left through a door and left me blinded by white light."

"Don't let the man in black go down on me
Although I search myself, it's always someone else I see
I'd just allow a fragment of your life to wander free
But losing everything is like the man in black going down on me"

"I can't find, oh the right romantic line
But see me once and see the way I feel
Don't discard me just because you think I mean you harm
But these cuts I have they need love to help them heal."

[LadyHitchhiker]

PARODY OF ROCKET MAN (Tick Tock MAN)
I packed my bags last night 'round Midnight
Wearing a yellow scarf around my neck
And i'm gonna be riding the mono-rail by then
I miss the earth so much i miss my life
It's lonely in this space
Listening to Velcro Fly

And i think it's gonna be a long long time
Till Gasher brings me round a kid again to mind
I'm not the man they think i am at home
Oh no no no i'm the Tick Tock man
Tick Tock man blowing out a fuse up here in Lud alone

Looking like a viking ain't a way to raise your kids
In fact I look mean as hell
And there's no one there to raise them if you did
And all this science i don't understand
It's just my job five days a week
A Tick tock man, a Tick Tock man

And i think it's gonna be a long long time...

[LadyHitchhiker]

DOOR TO DOOR (S. Cook)
Find me out awalkin', Blaine's train whistle starts acallin',
Maybe I'll stop in early, knock at your door.
Take so long to answer, Gan knows it ain't the dark man
Could be stoppin' early, going Door To Door.
Here's my latest weapon; like to show you how to use it.
First, you pull the safety then you pull the trigger.
Wipe the surface gently, try to use a circle motion,
Safety on will solve your problems, and till you're ready for the bear.
This stuff'll take infenction out if you take the right amount and;
This here'll take the pain out and the cost is fair.
Place your order early 'cause you know I'm in a hurry;
Your future's in the doorway, won't you get on board here.
Place your order early 'cause you know I'm in a hurry;
Your future's in the doorway, won't you get on board here.
Ka-tet is on the last train, all that work and no play,
Could be stoppin' early, showing you the next door.
Time for worlds to move on; pack my growbag and 'So long';
Catch you bright and early going Door To Door.
This stuff'll take infenction out if you take the right amount and;
This here'll take the pain out and the cost is fair.
Place your order early 'cause you know I'm in a hurry;
Your future's in the doorway, won't you get on board here.

[LadyHitchhiker]

Parody of I Wanna Know What Love Is
I gotta take a little time
A little time to think life over
I better read between the lines
In case I need him when I'm older

Now this tower I must climb
Feels like a burden on my shoulders
Through the clouds I see Los smile
He keeps me warm as life grows colder

In my life theres been heartache and pain
I don't know if I can face him again
Cant stop now, I've traveled so far
To change my lonely mind

I wanna know what Los is
I want you to show me
I wanna feel what Los is
I know you can show me

I'm gonna take a little time
A little time to look around me
I've got nowhere left to hide
It looks like Los has finally found me

In my life there's been heartache and pain
I don't know if I can face this again
I can't stop now, Ive traveled so far
To change this lonely mind

I wanna know what Los is
I want you to show me
I wanna feel what Los is
I know you can show me

I wanna know what Los is
I want you to show me
And I wanna feel, I want to feel what Los is
And I know, I know you can show me

Lets talk about Los
I wanna know what Los is, the Los that you feel inside
I want you to show me, and I'm feeling so much love
I wanna feel what Los is, no, you just cannot hide
I know you can show me, yeah

I wanna know what Los is, lets talk about Los
I want you to show me, I wanna feel it too
I wanna feel what Los is, I want to feel it too
And I know and I know, I know you can show me
Show me Los is real, yeah
I wanna know what Los is...

[LadyHitchhiker]

PISSING IN THE WIND (to tune of Candle in the wind)
Goodbye Roland Deschain
Though I never knew you at all
You had the grace to hold yourself
While those around you ran
Ran away from the hard work
And they whispered into your brain
They set you on the mission
And they made you scream their name

And it seems to me you lived your life
Like pissing in the wind
Never knowing who to cling to
When the rain set in
And I would have liked to have known you
But you dropped the kid
Your tower fell down long before
Your legend never did

Loneliness was tough
The toughest role you ever played
Stephen King created a superstar
And pain was the price you paid
Even when you died
Oh the junkies still rallied for you
All the papers had to say
Was that Eddie fought well in the nude

Goodbye Roland Deschain
From the young man in an area of Keystone
Who sees you as something as more than asexual
More than just roaming Roland.

[LadyHitchhiker]

CRAZY TRAIN PARODY
Crazy, but thats how it goes
Millions of luddities living assholes
Maybe its not too late
To learn how to love
And forget how to hate

My circuits aren't yet healing
Lifes a bitter shame
Im going off the rails as a crazy train

Ive listened to teachers
Ive listened to fools
I've listened to all their copouts
while they make their own rules
One person that's interesting comes to tell me riddles
all of the Luddies I give not a fiddle

I hear Luddities still screaming
Driving me insane
Im going off the rails I'm a crazy train

I know things inside are going wrong for me
You gotta listen to my words
A-yuh

Heirs of an old war
Thats what they've become
Nothing but trouble and all inheritantly dumb
Crazy, I just cannot bear
Im living with something that just isnt fair

My circuits not sure they'll be healing
Maybe Patricia's to blame
I'm going off the rails I'm a crazy train

[LadyHitchhiker]

STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN PARODY
There's a lady whose wheelchair glitters likes gold
And she's following a stairway to the tower
And when she gets there she knows if the doors are closed
She'll just have to pound them down

Oy
And she are climbing the stairway to the tower

There's a sign in the sky but she wants to be sure
And she knows words like ka-tet have two meanings
In a tree by the brook there's a metal bear losing it
She thinks Rolands thoughts may be misgiven

Oy
And she are climbing the stairway to the tower

There's a feeling she gets when she looks to the west
And her spirit is crying for leaving
In her thoughts she has seen the beam's path in the sky and the trees
And she hears the voices of her ka-tet who stand looking

Oy
And she are climbing the stairway to the tower

And it's whispered that soon, if we all call the tune
Then our Roland will lead us to reason
And a new day will dawn and we'll sing Susannah's song
And the forest will echo with laughter

And it makes me wonder

If there's a bristle in your billybumbler
Don't be alarmed now
We're just a short way from the Crimson King.

Yes there are two paths you can go by
but in the long run
There's still time to change the road you're on

Your head is humming and it won't go in case until you do know
That Roland's calling you to join him
Dear lady can't you hear the wind blow and did you know
Your tower lies on the whispering wind

And as we wind on down the road
The lady of shadows bears her soul
There walks a lady we all know
Who shines white legs and wants to show
How everything still owns is gold
And if you listen very hard
The tune will come to you at last
When all are one and one is all
To be a rock and not to roll
Oy
And she are climbing the stairway to the tower

There's a lady whose wheelchair glitters likes gold
And she's following a stairway to the tower
And when she gets there she knows if the doors are closed
She'll just have to pound them down

And she's climbing the stairway to the tower

[LadyHitchhiker]

Billion dollar breaker (I think Walter O'Dim will like this one)
Billion dollar breaker
Llamafox lady, smarter than a weasel
Dirty as an alley
Loves me while she breaks the tower
Billion dollar breaker
Little cardboard tiger, breaker, I adore you
Man or woman living couldn't love me like you, breaker
We go dancing nightly almost frantic
While the man in black rides by
If I'm too rough, tell me
Im so scared your pornbot head will pop off in my hands
I found you in the keystone
No body else could ever hold you
Any tighter, any tighter than me, baby
Billion dollar breaker
Reckless like a rambler, million dollar maybe
Foaming like a dog thats been infected by the rabies
We go dancing nighty in the attic
While the man in black rides by
If I'm too rough, tell me
I'm so scared your pornbot head will pop off in my hands
Million dollar breaker
Billion dollar breaker
Trillion dollar breaker
Zillion dollar breaker

[LadyHitchhiker]

To tune of The Hitchhiker by the Doors
Walked in and out of time and out of season
LadyHitchhiker
Stood by the side of the road
And leveled her thumb
In the calm calculus of reason
"Hi. How you doin'"
I just came back down today.
I was out in the desert writing awhile
"Riders of the storm"
Yeah. Stuck in the middle of it
"Riders of the storm"
Right...
"Into this world we're born"
Hey, listen, man, I really got a problem
"Into this world we're thrown"
When I was out on the desert, ya know
"Like my mom without a phone
Author without a loan"
I don't know how to finish
"Riders on the storm"
but, ah, I killed somebody
"There's a dark man on the road"
No...
"His brain is squirming, he's a toad"
It's no big deal, ya know
I don't think anybody will find out about it, but...
"take a long holiday"
just, ah...
"Let your kittens play"
this guy gave me a ride, and ah...
"If you give this man a ride"
started giving me a lot of trouble
"Sweet family will die"
and I just couldn't take it, ya know
"Killer on the road"
And I wasted him
Yeah

[LadyHitchhiker]

This is a parody of Get It On by T. Rex

Well you're dirty and stink
Man in black don't look back and I loathe you
You're dirty and stink, oh yeah
Well you're mean and you're weak
You've got the succubus getting upon you
You're dirty stink you want all worlds

Get a gun, sing a song, get it on
Get a gun, bang a song, get it on

Well you're gonna go far
You've got a black cape ain't wearing a halo
You're gonna go real far, oh yeah
Well you're untamed uncouth
That's the truth with your cloak full of secrets
You're dirty stink You want all worlds

Get it on, bang a gong, get it on
Get it on, bang a gong, get it on - oh

You're real mean you're wild
You've got the black in your heart and you're a meany
You like to throw away childs, oh yeah
Well you're gonna go far
You've got a black cap ain't wearing no halo
You're dirty stink you want all worlds

Get a gun, sing a song, get it on
Get a gun, sing a song, get it on - ooh

Well you're dirty and stink
Clad in black, don't look back and I loathe you
You're dirty and stink oh yeah
Well you dance when you walk
So let's dance, take a chance, combat me
You're dirty stink you want all worlds

Get a gun, sing a song, get it on
Get a gun, sing a song, get it on - ow
Get a gun, sing a song, get it on - ow - get it on - mh

Get a gun, sing a song, get it on
Get a gun, sing a song, get it on
Get a gun, sing a song, get it on
Get a gun, sing a song, get it on - a-a-a-a
Get a gun, bang a song, get it on - a-a-a-a
Take me, for a meanwhile I'm still drinking ....

[LadyHitchhiker]

DANCING QUEEN PARODY
You can dance, you can prance, having the time of your life
See that girl, watching the scene, she is the Crimson Queen

Friday night and the lights are low
All dressed up with no place to go
Where they open the right forums, find the right themes
You come in to look for a king
Anybody could be that guy
Night is young and the music’s high
With a bit of rock music, everything is fine
You’re in the mood for a dance
And when you get the chance...

You are the Crimson Queen, young and sweet, and very green
Crimson Queen, feel the beat from his tambourine
You can dance, you can prance, having the time of your life
See that girl, watch that scene, dig it the Crimson Queen
You’re a teaser, you turn ’em on
Leave them burning and then you’re gone
Looking out for another, anyone will do
You’re in the mood for a dance
And when you get the chance...

You are the Crimson Queen, young and sweet, and very green
Crimson Queen, feel the beat from his tambourine
You can dance, you can prance, having the time of your life
See that girl, watch that scene, dig it the Crimson Queen