How many dates before sex?

[bergy81]

OK, how many dates should it take before you get to first base, second base, third base, and can slide into home? :evil:

[Candice Dionysus]

That depends on if you're a whore, if you're really drunk, or your own beliefs on pre-marital sex.

Because I don't believe in marriage, I can answer this without saying "you should wait until you're married."

I think it depends on the chemistry you have with the person, and if its great, you should give yourself time to get to know them. This should, depending on the kinds of questions you ask and how comfortable you are, and/or if you hang out as friends normally between dates, be
about six or seven dates, doubled it you aren't friends outside the relationship (which I highly recommend being, because lovers should be friends as well).

[Randall Flagg]

1/2

[Brice]

:lol:


I think it just varies between individuals. I'd put no number on it myself.

[CPU]

How many licks does it take to get to the tootsie-roll center of a tootsie-pop?

[Samanthita]

How many licks does it take to get to the tootsie-roll center of a tootsie-pop?

Apparently, it takes 252.
http://everything2.com/index.pl?node=Tootsie%20Pop

[towerguard]

Dates? :|

[cozener]

I don't even have to know her name and you want to know how many dates?

[Brice]

I don't even have want to know her name and you want to know how many dates?


edited for accuracy

[Odetta]

:lol:

[MonteGss]

:rofl:
towerguard and Cozener crack me up. :lol:


If the first date goes well, there is no reason you shouldn't get a kiss.
No, let me revise that....if you think you're going to have a second date with the person, then you should get a kiss.

As for rounding the bases and heading home.....really depends on the people involved and chemistry.

I know that is a lame answer. :)

[Odetta]

hmmm... I think looking at the answers people are giving I'm gonna keep my slutty past out of this one!

:ninja:

[MonteGss]

hmmm... I think looking at the answers people are giving I'm gonna keep my slutty past out of this one!

:ninja:

Oh PLEASE tell us more....:evil: :D

[Erin]

hmmm... I think looking at the answers people are giving I'm gonna keep my slutty past out of this one!

:ninja:

That is EXACTLY what I thought too! :lol:

[Brice]

Oh, no. We want details.

[MonteGss]

If you don't provide details ladies...how can we believe you had a "slutty" past? :evil: ;)

[Erin]

Let's just say you don't have to go on a date to have sex....with a stranger....who looked like Tarantino. :ninja:

Take this story and multiply it by a lot. - the Tarantino. :lol:

[MonteGss]

Erin, I see you in a totally new way.





Slut. :lol: :P
Kidding! :)

[Odetta]

let's just say that a lot can happen on the first date...

You know in the movies when a guy and girl have sex and the girl gets all lovey-dovey afterwards and wants a commitment and the guy gets that "oops!" look on his face? Well, I've given that look!

[Erin]

Monte...:lol:

But seriously, to answer the question, when I went the date route, I usually waited until the 3rd or 4th date to have sex, if I was interested in the guy. That is usually what the majority of my friends do as well.

[Odetta]

hmmm...
is it OK to have sex with someone you're not really interested in just because you want to have sex?

[Erin]

I say yes. But i'm one of those people who see's love and sex as two different things.

My boyfriend, on the other hand, is not. He says there is no way he could have sex with someone he didn't love.

[MonteGss]

It is fine to have sex if you are not interested in them. So......if you're looking......:evil:

[Letti]

I am absolutely lost or old-fashioned. I mean I can't even kiss a man if I don't love him a lot. It's too intimate. I know I am a loser.

[MonteGss]

No you are not!

[Erin]

I am absolutely lost or old-fashioned. I mean I can't even kiss a man if I don't love him a lot. It's too intimate. I know I am a loser.

Not at all! Like I said, my boyfriend is exactly the same way. We are all different!

[Letti]

Thank you. I am happy to hear such opinions.

[Hannah]

I don't think there's a set number anywhere. You just do it when it feels right or whatever. What I don't like is the automatic assumption that having sex on the first night is slutty, cuz it's not. If it's unprotected it may be reckless, but it's certainly doesn't make a woman (or a man) a slut.

Also, I hate it when people use the term "whore" to describe anything other than a woman who gets paid (in some way) to have sex.

[Wuducynn]

Also, I hate it when people use the term "whore" to describe anything other than a woman who gets paid (in some way) to have sex.

I'm with ya..only thing here is that, I don't assume "whore" means just a woman. Men and hermaphrodites can be whores too.

[CPU]

I may be a slut, but I'm no whore.

[Wuducynn]

Dogs can be whores too, doesn't take much, just give her a milk bone or two and that bitch is bent over and ready. Not that I would know...



*ahem*




:innocent:

[Ruthful]

Let's just say you don't have to go on a date to have sex....with a stranger....who looked like Tarantino. :ninja:

Take this story and multiply it by a lot. - the Tarantino. :lol:

Now, if I had only known that was an aphrodisiac for some women.

:pullhair:

[Hannah]

aw, you're so pc. :D

edit: um, directed at allhail.

[OchrisO]

I'm pretty sure that I had sex with all of my past girlfriends before we even went on an actual date.

[Rjeso]

I am absolutely lost or old-fashioned. I mean I can't even kiss a man if I don't love him a lot. It's too intimate. I know I am a loser.

I'm the same way. I attach a lot of meaning to those sorts of things, so if I don't feel anything special for someone, I can't do anything with them. I am not a casual sex type of person.

[Wuducynn]

aw, you're so pc. :D

edit: um, directed at allhail.

Yeah, I wouldn't want to offend anyone afterall.

[Matt]

I think its perfectly okay for two people to have immediately if they want to.

Its actually much to do about nothing. Some hot lovin, good to go. :lol:

I don't believe casual sex (if you are emotionally smart and protected) is anything to be ashamed of. Among consenting adults of course.

[Rjeso]

Yeah, I agree. I'm not against casual sex; if it's for you, go for it. More power to you. It's just not for me.

[cozener]

My boyfriend, on the other hand, is not. He says there is no way he could have sex with someone he didn't love. Did he also tell you about his magical flying bunny?

[towerguard]

I don't believe casual sex (if you are emotionally smart and protected) is anything to be ashamed of. Among consenting adults of course.

If you're gonna be a prude about age, at least be reasonable. :pirate:

[Bethany]

4....



years.

:rofl:

[Shelbs]

Sex?


The hell is that?


><

[OchrisO]

I take that back, Erin and I made it about half way through a date of sorts before we had sex.

[Daghain]

I think it depends on the people involved. And I also hate this stupid double standard that if a woman lets a man "have her" too soon, she's a slut - but no one ever says jack shit if a guy gets in a woman's pants right away.

I'm tired of my gender being the "gatekeepers". Dudes, seriously, we LIKE sex. We just hold you off because we don't want you to think we're sluts. :)

Having said that, DBF and I were together about 3 weeks. :lol: But I was like 34, so I figure I was adult enough to correctly assess the situation. :lol:

[Candice Dionysus]

I am absolutely lost or old-fashioned. I mean I can't even kiss a man if I don't love him a lot. It's too intimate. I know I am a loser.

No! Nononono, my Nikolett! Nono. You are not a loser, lovely lady. In fact, I admire you for that, because I'm touchy-feely with everyone, and sometimes its not a good idea.

I can be horribly naive, and fall for someone who isn't interested in what I want after sex, or I can be a huntress and turn things around completely... But I don't think I've ever loved any of the people I have dated since I broke up with my first boyfriend... And even then, I don't think I really loved him the way I thought I did.

But all of my friends kiss each other, regardless of gender. I mean, one night we had a party and no exaggeration, everyone in the house kissed everyone else at least once. And that was before the booze arrived! Not to mention with the exception of Minion, and possibly Twiggy, all my guy friends are straight. I even got the girl who usually freaks out if another girl even kisses her cheek to kiss me full on the lips with no fuss, which was a bonus for me, haha. God, I wish this stupid city had a lesbian hangout, its impossible for me to tell which girls are interested when I'm at a normal bar... And I'm getting sick of not-so-good-looking guys hitting on me just because my boobs are big. Which is most of the guys in this city that I'm not already broken up with or friends with.

[Mattrick]

.3

[Ruthful]

I think it depends on the people involved. And I also hate this stupid double standard that if a woman lets a man "have her" too soon, she's a slut - but no one ever says jack shit if a guy gets in a woman's pants right away.

I'm tired of my gender being the "gatekeepers". Dudes, seriously, we LIKE sex. We just hold you off because we don't want you to think we're sluts. :)


I agree with Dag's comment.

I remember having a conversation with a guy about one of his female friends several years ago. He made a comment to the effect that she was too slutty for his tastes, and when I asked him what that meant he said that she had slept with six guys. Initially I thought he was joking, but then it sunk in that he was being dead-serious. So yes, I agree that there is definitely a double standard at work in these situations.

[TerribleT]

There's no set number, and there's not one answer for anyone. There are so many variables, and it's such a personal question, that this can't be answered. I do think all women should sleep with me on the first date. :dance:

[Ruki]

sex comes first. if that's been going well for a while and i like him enough to remember his name maybe we can discuss a date.

[Storyslinger]

I am absolutely lost or old-fashioned. I mean I can't even kiss a man if I don't love him a lot. It's too intimate. I know I am a loser.

Then we are in the same boat, because I totally agree with you on this. I'm the same way.

EDIT: Shit, except for the man part. :lol:

[Odetta]

I think it depends on the people involved. And I also hate this stupid double standard that if a woman lets a man "have her" too soon, she's a slut - but no one ever says jack shit if a guy gets in a woman's pants right away.

I'm tired of my gender being the "gatekeepers". Dudes, seriously, we LIKE sex. We just hold you off because we don't want you to think we're sluts.

:clap:

[Ruthful]

4....



years.

:rofl:

http://www.thenetw0rk.com/news/pics/2003_04_amish.jpg

[Matt]

I'm tired of my gender being the "gatekeepers". Dudes, seriously, we LIKE sex. We just hold you off because we don't want you to think we're sluts.

I wish every woman there ever was would scream that from the rooftops. :lol:

Sex is one of the most natural things a person can do.

[TerribleT]

I'm tired of my gender being the "gatekeepers". Dudes, seriously, we LIKE sex. We just hold you off because we don't want you to think we're sluts. :)


Seriously, you guys have all the pussy, and now yer gonna complain?!?!?!?! :rofl:

[Mr. Rabbit Trick]

How many dates before sex?

As many as she can eat!

http://img512.imageshack.us/img512/3297/datesfw7.jpg

[TerribleT]

:rofl:

[Matt]

Dora and I were a "first night" thing.

And that's been very good for over 10 years :rock:

[Shelbs]

I waited a month before putting out in my last "relationship".

[Wuducynn]

How many dates before sex?

As many as she can eat!

http://img512.imageshack.us/img512/3297/datesfw7.jpg

As many as she can eat? Dates are very high in fiber, so she'll end up farting her way through the date...that would kill all the fun...

[Mr. Rabbit Trick]

As many as she can eat? Dates are very high in fiber, so she'll end up farting her way through the date...that would kill all the fun...

maybe not

[Wuducynn]

Ugh

[Matt]

Ah...the fart wars!

One of the great things about long term relationships. :lol:

[Odetta]

Ah...the fart wars!

One of the great things about long term relationships. :lol:

um... maybe in your relationship, weirdo! :lol:

[Daghain]

Matt...ummm, no. :lol:

[Matt]

pfft--try it sometime, you'll like it. :ninja:

Seriously though, we don't put to much emphasis on holding gas when we are alone.

[Odetta]

ok... I think that belongs in the TMI thread, sir... ;)

[Matt]

prude! :lol:

I'm just lucky my kid already knows this stuff about me so I don't have to worry about her reading it.

[Mattrick]

I think the double stanard of women being sluts is simply due to what has to happen. Everyone knows men want sex sex sex but we can't have it unless you grant it. A woman in a relationship can have more sex than a woman not and not be a slut, but when you hear of a girl with a different guy every week or two...thta's what people are going to think. Just my two cents.

[Matt]

That she likes physical lovin and there is nothing wrong with that? It is what I would think anyway.

I think the idea stems from the fact that women are kind of a ground for a seed. Meaning something is left (traditionally) and that is not the case with men. So its more significant.

Also our wiring of course that says women have sex with the best and men have sex with whoever they can.

[Odetta]

I think the double stanard of women being sluts is simply due to what has to happen. Everyone knows men want sex sex sex but we can't have it unless you grant it. A woman in a relationship can have more sex than a woman not and not be a slut, but when you hear of a girl with a different guy every week or two...thta's what people are going to think. Just my two cents.

but that doesn't mean it's an accurate statement to assume SHE is a slut but a guy who did the same isn't.

[Daghain]

Exactly. I think it's time to move into the 21st Century and get rid of this double-standard crap. :nope:

[Matt]

Nobody is a slut :lol:

[Odetta]

Let's start a movement, dags!

We'll call it...
"Women Like Sex, Too but That Doesn't Makes Us Slutty!"

[OchrisO]

I love sluts. I wish more women were sluts.

Here's why women get called sluts in our society:

We are a society based on production. If pussy were easy to get, nothing would ever get done, so society has to stigmatize sex in some way so that we don't just sit around having sex instead of building shit and making money for the rich.

Doug Stanhope explains it better than I do, so here's a video:

YouTube - Doug Stanhope No Refunds 2/6

[TerribleT]

Chris, do you really, honestly believe that? (I didn't watch the video)

[OchrisO]

It is as likely as any other explaination.


My actual explaination as to why women are called sluts has more to do with religious control. The best way to make people avoid premarital sex is to convince women that they are worthless sluts if they engage in it.

The video makes some pretty valid points, though. I mean, it is standup comedy, but I think what he says has at least some merit.

[TerribleT]

Do you suppose, that maybe it's other women who are the genisis for women being called sluts? Maybe because if pussy was free and easy, men would be unwilling to commit to any form of relationship, and would probably not stay faithful in that relationship? See I don't see men having an issue with women acting like "sluts". We get what we're looking for out of the deal without having to give anything up for it. I think it's women who are most responsible for it. [/sarcasm But I know that it's always the "evil corporation" and the "evil capalistic society" that are the root of all ills. /sarcasm]

[OchrisO]

Watch the video. :)

[fernandito]

My boyfriend, on the other hand, is not. He says there is no way he could have sex with someone he didn't love. Did he also tell you about his magical flying bunny?

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

:clap:

[Darkthoughts]

See I don't see men having an issue with women acting like "sluts".

Not true in general I'm afraid. I've had a guy get really stressy with me because I slept with him one weekend and with someone else the next. His underlying opinion seemed to be "Its ok for me to want to have casual sex with you and to not have to call you/arrange to see you again - but you can't do that to me!"

:lol:

Ahh, I miss my free and single days sometimes :P

[Matt]

I think Lisa's "milk for free" idea is probably closest.

Seriously... for a man, why would there be a reason to commit if he could fuck whatever he wanted. Now or ever?

[Darkthoughts]

Because unless his Mum allowed him to live at home forever, who would cook his meals and wash his clothes? :P

[Matt]

I bet we would have evolved into doing that for ourselves by now. :lol:

I already have :ninja:

[MonteGss]

Ahh, I miss my free and single days sometimes :P

We'll see what we can do about this at the Gathering. :lol:

[Darkthoughts]

Wahey!!!! :lol:

Matt, you self sufficient men are a minority :D

[Wuducynn]

Growing up, one of my chores was to split the wood (we heated with a wood stove) and to get up at night and keep the wood stove well stoked with fuel. I also did the laundry sometimes and a lot of other things. I was raised to be pretty damn self-sufficient.

[Randall Flagg]

I was raised to be pretty damn self-sufficient.
Meaning if there isn't a woman around you can take matters into your own hands:onfire:

[Matt]

:rofl:

Hell yeah!

[Wuducynn]

Yeah.

[Daghain]

Do you suppose, that maybe it's other women who are the genisis for women being called sluts? Maybe because if pussy was free and easy, men would be unwilling to commit to any form of relationship, and would probably not stay faithful in that relationship? See I don't see men having an issue with women acting like "sluts". We get what we're looking for out of the deal without having to give anything up for it. I think it's women who are most responsible for it. [/sarcasm But I know that it's always the "evil corporation" and the "evil capalistic society" that are the root of all ills. /sarcasm]

I would just like you to think back to every locker room conversation you've ever had and then honestly tell me it's women who call other women sluts.

Just sayin'. :lol:

[Ruthful]

It's funny, because Doug Stanhope was just on O&A earlier today.

I'm still trying to decipher Matt's "seed" argument. Are you saying that the perceived double standard reflects different evolutionary imperatives, i.e. women need to find one suitable partner who can rear their offspring while men can impregnate as many women as they choose?

[Matt]

I think its possible for sure. The nature of the act kind of invokes that kind of feeling and it was necessary for our species to one...have women that could and would choose the best (smartest)

And that men could impregnate more than one woman at a time and that was also a good thing.

[Darkthoughts]

I also wonder whether this notion that its "acceptable" for men to sleep around stems from very ancient times.
There was alot more import then placed on men carrying on their family line by having a son - so as Matt says it was almost the imperative for a man (at least, those of noble birth) to impregnate many women if his wife wasn't producing male offspring.

Also, you know its not that long ago that the suffragettes furthered women's rights, I think where sex was concerned in history, women were seen as more of a commodity than actual people entitled to their own choices.

Women have not long been in a position in society where they have been free to choose their own partner, partners or perhaps no partner at all - so I think old stereotypes are still around in society's cultural memory and it begats such opinions as we're discussing here.

[Ruki]

...if pussy was free and easy, men would be unwilling to commit to any form of relationship...

i wouldn't want a guy who makes a commitment just because he's getting laid.

[obscurejude]

...if pussy was free and easy, men would be unwilling to commit to any form of relationship...

i wouldn't want a guy who makes a commitment just because he's getting laid.

Its nice to hear a woman say that. Sex can and should be a physical manifestation of what is transpiring inwardly. Its always better if you hold out and are actually in love with someone. I'd much rather connect with someone in other ways first. Whenever I ask someone out, I've already went through an intense debate within myself as to whether she is capable of providing something beyond the physical. Most people my age seem to want to fuck and then build a relationship around that. I think thats unfortunate. I know I'm part of the minority.

[LadyHitchhiker]

I think pornbot's losing face on this one, but my husband is the only one I've ever been with. And he's the only one I ever wanted that way.... besides David Duchovny... :sighs:

But as for when we had sex, I waited until he told me he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, shortly before we moved in together, and that was three months after we got together. I said I was going to wait for marriage but with how complicated everything was, I figured we might never get married but if I was living the rest of my life with him it wouldn't matter about that technicality.

I waited for the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Before that, I thought I was frigid because I didn't even want to try to do anything but make out with anyone else.

As far as people who don't feel that way, I think you should wait six months, get the person and you tested, and then feel free to have sex. THINK OF THE STDS!!!!!!! 1/3 people has herpes, and 1/2 the people 26 or younger have an STD. YUCKO!!!! And that's just in America!

[Darkthoughts]

I don't think abstaining from sex until you're "sure they're the right one" makes any difference in the long term, because what generally tends to decide whether your relationship lasts is how you interact on the whole...not how long you waited or didn't wait until you had sex.

However, in the two long term relationships I've had (which includes my marriage), we didn't sleep together for a couple of months at first. It wasn't a spoken agreement, there just seemed to be an understanding on a different level that this was something that could last and could be taken at a different pace.

[Matt]

I think its all based on the individuals involved. If it feels right, I think both sexes out to be allowed to do it without a stigma.

For us, it was like magic. We met one night at the company Christmas party, both very lonely... and did it :ninja:. The next day I asked if I could call her (cause that's the kind of guy I am) and we haven't really been apart since.

I know there are huge emotional aspects to sex but I've always been the type that doesn't lay very much on it personally. Sex is the amazing topping on our already wonderful cake I guess. :lol:

However, I can count the number of different women I've been with on one hand.

[Girlystevedave]

I can't offer a lot of advice on this one, since I've only been with my husband (gasp). We dated for a while before sleeping together, but we were pretty young at the time. I think the time you wait just depends on the people involved. I like to say that it's better to wait until you really care about someone, or "trust" them almost. Otherwise, it seems like it may be a waste. Of course, if I was single now, I'm sure I wouldn't wait as long. I'd probably be a slut.:evil:
Hell, there's days when I wish I was now.:rofl: :blush:

[LadyHitchhiker]

If I was single now I wouldn't even touch the guy until I knew he didn't have a std... We'd get tested together if it made him feel any better even though I've only been with Wally.. But he would be tested.. Oh yes...

[Hannah]

As far as people who don't feel that way, I think you should wait six months, get the person and you tested, and then feel free to have sex. THINK OF THE STDS!!!!!!! 1/3 people has herpes, and 1/2 the people 26 or younger have an STD. YUCKO!!!! And that's just in America!

Where in the H are you getting these stats from, sugar?

1/3 of people have herpes? Are you referring to genital herpes? That's more than a 100 million people with herpes (if you divide America's population by 3). The CDC says about 45 million people. That's 1 in 5.

-------

As far as STDs are concerned: Use a condom, don't have unprotected oral, and for pete's sakes don't share bodily fluids with people you don't know! And for ladies, we need to keep in mind that it's easier for women to get STDs from men than men from women.

[Lance]

Sorry, but I'm with Hannah on this one, Lady H. Those are pretty radical numbers. It sounds like the kind of scare tactics parents of teens would use on them.

And if you're one of the very few fortunate people to meet your spouse early in your life, then the "couple to six months" thing might work for you, and hurah! As for someone like me, my long term hs girlfriend and I held out for six weeks before we did out and patted each other on the back for our restraint. :lol: However, at this point, I'm not waiting six months for anyone. Life's far too short and I would feel that she wasn't really physically attracted to me and I would move on.

Which brings me to a friend of mine. She's been "hanging out" with this guy for several months. She sleeps in the same bed with him on a regular basis. And they've haven't done anything. She's developed feelings for this guy and (even though she'd deny it) has come to view him as a boyfriend. She was even disappointed when he didn't do anything for her (or even call) on Valentine's Day. I love her to death so I haven't outright called her a damn fool but I've hinted around it. And she's no innocent wallflower. Either the guy's a closet gay or just not into her (btw, she's gorgeous and cool as hell so I tend to lean towards the former). But you know how it is: You can tell a person untill you're blue in the face that they're fucking up, but they just have to learn on their own.

[Ruthful]

I think that statistic refers to people who have cold sores, not genital herpes. I'm not sure, but I think there are multiple strains of the herpes simplex virus, and only one of them is sexually transmitted.

Admittedly, if a quarter of people walking around had venereal disease I'd be pretty grossed out, and I'm a recluse who doesn't like interacting with humanity as it is.

[Bethany]

I think that statistic refers to people who have cold sores, not genital herpes. I'm not sure, but I think there are multiple strains of the herpes simplex virus, and only one of them is sexually transmitted.

Admittedly, if a quarter of people walking around had venereal disease I'd be pretty grossed out, and I'm a recluse who doesn't like interacting with humanity as it is.

:wub:

i knew there was i reason i liked you so much.

[alinda]

Not to throw any fuel on this fire but......
Would you want to date someone who was lousey in bed?
I vote use condoms everytime, and if the chemestry is
right:cool:

[Matt]

Very big part of it right there Linda :clap:

[obscurejude]

Not to throw any fuel on this fire but......
Would you want to date someone who was lousey in bed?
I vote use condoms everytime, and if the chemestry is
right:cool:

Just because they may be lousy, doesn't mean they can't learn to do certain things better. The more partners you have, the less able you will be to connect with someone. No one can meet all your needs, but the right person will try with everything they have. Their heart is already committed. No matter how physically attractive she might be, if we don't connect intellectually and emotionally, the sex just isn't that great.

[Matt]

Sure, but I'm not sure that's what she meant.

I believe she was speaking more to sexual compatibility, and that can only be known through doing the deed.

[alinda]

Agreed , but most of my immedate needs are not sexual, they are emotional, and yes physical but more of a partner . Mind you I am older than you guys, and am pretty self sufficent. ;) I was just saying that if I were to "date" someone, I'd want them to be ready willing and able, or I just wouldnt bother.
Actually if given a choice I'd choose single every time.







Not to throw any fuel on this fire but......
Would you want to date someone who was lousey in bed?
I vote use condoms everytime, and if the chemestry is
right:cool:

Just because they may be lousy, doesn't mean they can't learn to do certain things better. The more partners you have, the less able you will be to connect with someone. No one can meet all your needs, but the right person will try with everything they have. Their heart is already committed. No matter how physically attractive she might be, if we don't connect intellectually and emotionally, the sex just isn't that great.

[Bethany]

for me, sex and love go hand in hand.
very old fashioned but that's me.
depending on how things shake out,
the second half of my life could prove to be
very interesting.

[obscurejude]

Sure, but I'm not sure that's what she meant.

I believe she was speaking more to sexual compatibility, and that can only be known through doing the deed.

Ironically, the more you do the deed, the less compatible you become with one other person. That was my point, and I think its related. If you don't want a monogamous relationship, then I don't suppose it matters. But, the more people you sleep with, the less likely you will be able to settle down with one person. Could you fall in love, sleep with them, and then drop them because you don't connect sexually? I saw a fucked up episode of Sex in the City where that happened. If sex is more than just physical (some of you obviously don't believe that), then it follows that good sex has other components that aren't even related to performance. The lacking parts will catch up to the others eventually, because if they love you, then they want to please you.

[Hannah]

I don't think it's true at all that having more partners makes you less likely to stick to a monogamous relationship. And I think sexual compatibility is extremely important to a healthy relationship. I don't believe in dumping someone right off the bat because he may not be the best in bed, but if it doesn't improve within a period of time I'd sure as hell dump him. I had to dump a guy I dated who had a smallish penis once. Not because I was being mean, but because it just didn't work. Sex may not be THE most important thing in a relationship, but it's definitely in the top three.

[obscurejude]

Like I said, I know its a minority opinion, and I am all too aware of how I'm at odds with other people my age. I don't expect anybody to agree with me.

[Matt]

I don't think it's true at all that having more partners makes you less likely to stick to a monogamous relationship. And I think sexual compatibility is extremely important to a healthy relationship. I don't believe in dumping someone right off the bat because he may not be the best in bed, but if it doesn't improve within a period of time I'd sure as hell dump him. I had to dump a guy I dated who had a smallish penis once. Not because I was being mean, but because it just didn't work. Sex may not be THE most important thing in a relationship, but it's definitely in the top three.

I totally agree, and I also thing "true love" has a whole bunch to do with sexual compatibility. If I couldn't like them that way, I am not sure I could love them.

[obscurejude]

If you don't love them, I'm not sure you should sleep with them.

[Daghain]

I think that depends on how you view sex and love. If you can separate the two, then by all means you should sleep with whomever you want. If you can't, you'd better be careful sleeping around, because you're likely to find yourself attached to someone who just wanted to get laid. :)

[obscurejude]

Again, thank you all for reminding me that I'm a weirdo.

[Daghain]

No, you're not a weirdo. You just have your own opinion. If we all thought the same way, this world would be a totally boring place. :couple:

[obscurejude]

Its not just a differing of opinion. It puts me at odds with the majority of my generation (who do seem to share a boring similar opinion). My whole culture tells me I should be having as much sex with as many people as possible at my age. Sex comes up in all the criticism I read in school- no matter how obscure the work. Its just not sacred to anyone anymore.

[alinda]

Exactly my point . I have been married more than once sadly, and I do not not say have casual sex with more than 1 partner, nor do I not believe in love within the sexual relationship ( cuz without love sex would likely not be good, as is agreed that partners who love eachother desire your happiness/satisfaction etc....) I was just saying that were I single, and attracted mightily ( right chemistry) with someone who was not feeling the same way,( hence we'd likely not have sex) I wouldnt bother with them at all,thus never getting to the real lovemaking .
Damn I am getting twisted up myself , does anyone know what I mean?


To date (get to know eachother enough to fall in love) I think is good to have sex....among many other things, like are they intellegent enought to have a conversation, that would be even more important to me.....here we go again!!:couple:




[quote=Matt;128416]Sure, but I'm not sure that's what she meant.

I believe she was speaking more to sexual compatibility, and that can only be known through doing the deed.

[Matt]

I think the amount of time it was "sacred" was very short in human history, but I don't think you are weird either obsucre, you should be proud of who you are no matter what.

Just cause I consider sex basically a "sticky hug" doesn't mean you should

[alinda]

:lol:

[obscurejude]

Weird,outcast, crazy, whatever have you. I can't wait until I'm either dead or an old man.

[Bethany]

i'm right there with you ryan and i understand what you are saying. :couple:
i'm not ashamed of who i am--most of you know this anyway--when i say one guy, that's what i mean. i've only kissed one guy, too.

[Darkthoughts]

If sex is more than just physical (some of you obviously don't believe that), then it follows that good sex has other components that aren't even related to performance.

I don't think you're "weird" either Ryan, but the lack of understanding to your opinion you perceive in our comments isn't really there, any more than the misconception you have of those of us with more promiscuous backgrounds (past tense because I think most about everyone who's commented in this manner so far, is now with a partner they have been with long term, most also with families) not being able to perceive sex as anything more than a base urge.

Definately sex is best with a partner you love and trust, because you can be free of any inhibitions with someone you feel that way about.
Yes, theres a difference between casual sex and sex in a relationship, but not all casual sex is a bad thing if you're careful and if you both fully understand that its no strings attached - it can be something fun and lighthearted aswell as something serious :)

[OchrisO]

I think that sex is most certainly better with someone that you feell passionately about. When I was young, I thought that sex should wait until marriage. Now, I think there is much more merit in making sure that you are compatible sexually before marriage(don't want to end up marrying a girl who liked to be punch fucked if you aren't into that), and beyond that, sleeping with some folks and learning a few things before you find the person that you want to be with long term.

[Ruthful]

I think that statistic refers to people who have cold sores, not genital herpes. I'm not sure, but I think there are multiple strains of the herpes simplex virus, and only one of them is sexually transmitted.

Admittedly, if a quarter of people walking around had venereal disease I'd be pretty grossed out, and I'm a recluse who doesn't like interacting with humanity as it is.

:wub:

i knew there was i reason i liked you so much.

:couple:

[LadyHitchhiker]

I nearly died about the punchfucking. You probably have some merit in that comment. LMAO!!!!!

[LadyHitchhiker]

As for sexual compatibility, when you really love someone you make it work. I could have sex 6 times a day. My husband might want it 3 times a week but I love him so much that it's okay.

[Jon]

Sex can be had and all three parties walk away with a memory of a good time as long as it is clear that sex is all that is taking place...that and proper protection.

[obscurejude]

Darwin would be proud Jon. Not so sure about Aquinas though.

[Jon]

I just noticed I said "three" people.


Ha ha ha

[Jon]

Aquinas was wrong on a few things...including that a female fetus was a deformed male fetus.

[Darkthoughts]

I just noticed I said "three" people.


Ha ha ha

I assumed it was intentional :D

[Rjeso]

Yeah, who didn't? :lol:

[Erin]

My boyfriend, on the other hand, is not. He says there is no way he could have sex with someone he didn't love. Did he also tell you about his magical flying bunny?

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

:clap:

No No! I'm not being naive or clueless when I say this. I'm serious! He's one of those rare ones who really really believes that and practices what he preaches.

[Ka-mai]

Personally, I think if you aren't going to wait til marriage, I thing you should wait until you're in love with someone and you've known them a while, just to keep things from getting diseased. Also, I've seen my friends fuck a lot just for fun, and they get all screwed up later and freak when they don't get their periods and feel like shit about the guys/girls or themselves. So I don't really think it's a fantastic idea in practice, as much as it might sound fun in theory.

[Darkthoughts]

Thats more to do with not being careful though, everyone should have the sense to take precautions ;)

[Odetta]

[Monty Python]
Sex, sex, sex... that's all they think about!
[/Monty Python]

[jayson]

[Monty Python]
Sex, sex, sex... that's all they think about!
[/Monty Python]

Does she, umm, like sports? wink wink, nudge nudge, know what i mean? sports? wink wink

[Odetta]

like games does she? say no more, say no more!

[Rjeso]

A nod's as good as a wink to a blind bat!

[OchrisO]

My boyfriend, on the other hand, is not. He says there is no way he could have sex with someone he didn't love. Did he also tell you about his magical flying bunny?

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

:clap:

No No! I'm not being naive or clueless when I say this. I'm serious! He's one of those rare ones who really really believes that and practices what he preaches.


I call bullshit.

[Bethany]

i call shenanigans on your bullshit.
why should what she says not be true?

[OchrisO]

Guys might prefer to have sex with someone they love, but I feel perfectly safe saying that there's not a guy on the planet who is only able to have sex with someone they love.

[Matt]

I think it could be true, I can love a woman in a lot of ways. :cool:

[obscurejude]

I'm so sick of guys being reduced to nothing but animals. It isn't just an animalistic impulse for some people. Every guy may have those impulses, but not everyone acts on them.

[Matt]

Its actually very true, all I was saying is there was a loop hole in the statement. :D

Personally--I have plenty of impulses I don't act on but the cool part of life is totally doing a few.

imho of course. :grouphug:

[Erin]

Yep you guys are right.

Everyone is different in their views on sex. Darrin has only been with 3 people. The first he was married to, the second he was in an 8 year relationship with her and the third is me.

[obscurejude]

Am I one of the right ones Erin?

[Erin]

Yes indeed!

[obscurejude]

Thanks, I don't get that often.

[Lance]

Yep you guys are right.

Everyone is different in their views on sex. Darrin has only been with 3 people. The first he was married to, the second he was in an 8 year relationship with her and the third is me.

Wow. He was so not ready for you. :lol:

Personally, in my younger days, I actually had sex with a woman who I despised as an individual. She started out being a good friend but the more I got to know her, the more I saw that she was actually a soulless, self absorbed, manipulative bitch.