View Full Version : What should monkey butlers be trained for?
:lol:
I'm thinking warming up the car on a cold morning and scrapping the windshield.
jayson
01-07-2008, 02:10 PM
Packing bong hits
Wuducynn
01-07-2008, 02:12 PM
Fellatio, cunnilingus, analingus, s & m, b & d, golden and brown showers...
OchrisO
01-07-2008, 02:19 PM
You can trust a monkey, dude. If you sent it out to warm up you car, it'd take off in it and use it as a getaway car for a bank robbery, then pick up a kilo of cocaine and a few strippers, leaving a huge mess all in your car.
I recommend not using monkeys for such chores.
Wuducynn
01-07-2008, 02:22 PM
Monkey's and strippers go well together Chris. Everyone knows that.
OchrisO
01-07-2008, 02:23 PM
They do, but it makes a huge fucking mess, and you can't make the monkey clean it up, because it would just steal your car again.
:lol:
My monkeys don't do that since I broke a few knuckles.
And I do not want a Monkey golden shower
ZoNeSeeK
01-07-2008, 03:05 PM
Fetching my beer and placing it on the custom indent in the top of their head and perching within easy arms reach.
Kevin
01-07-2008, 10:49 PM
Stand on my roof and fling shit at my oh so kind neighbors as they walk by.
Wuducynn
01-08-2008, 06:59 AM
Stand on my roof and fling shit at my oh so kind neighbors as they walk by.
That counts as a brown shower...especially if you're into that kink.
fernandito
01-08-2008, 09:59 AM
Ah! I was going to make this thread yesterday night, you bastard! :lol:
Kevin
01-08-2008, 04:15 PM
Stand on my roof and fling shit at my oh so kind neighbors as they walk by.
That counts as a brown shower...especially if you're into that kink.
Except for the fact that I am not getting aroused/banging the person covered in said shit. :cyclops:
ZoNeSeeK
01-08-2008, 06:04 PM
Really?
Cleaning cat litter and doing laundry.
ZoNeSeeK
01-08-2008, 10:03 PM
or perching under your cat's anoos with a little bag would be even better.
One of our cats almost shat on the other one the other day. The other one stupidly went and shoved its head under the first one's ass when it was about to take a dump.
:rofl: :rofl:
I wish they made those little bags that horses wear during parades in a cat's size. Swapping out bags would be less nasty than scooping nasty, soiled litter. Gag.
ZoNeSeeK
01-08-2008, 10:17 PM
or if there was some other pet you could have that ate the cat shit
OchrisO
01-08-2008, 10:19 PM
Dogs will, but it loses its appeal as a cleaning method when you realize that dogs like to lick you in the face.
ZoNeSeeK
01-08-2008, 10:26 PM
Mmmm! *licks lips*
monkeys should kill my enemies
monkeys should kill my enemies
and my neighbors who always drill the wall http://i91.photobucket.com/albums/k291/mishemplushem/Facilitation/bear_angry.gifhttp://i91.photobucket.com/albums/k291/mishemplushem/Facilitation/bear_angry.gifhttp://i91.photobucket.com/albums/k291/mishemplushem/Facilitation/bear_angry.gifhttp://i91.photobucket.com/albums/k291/mishemplushem/Facilitation/bear_angry.gifhttp://i91.photobucket.com/albums/k291/mishemplushem/Facilitation/bear_angry.gifhttp://i91.photobucket.com/albums/k291/mishemplushem/Facilitation/bear_angry.gif
OchrisO
01-09-2008, 05:31 AM
People keep neglecting my advice that you can't trust monkeys. If you trained a moneky to kill your enemies, it would only be a matter of time before it realized that it could also kill you while you are asleep and have the house all to itself.
yeah but a monkey would need some time to work out that idea, you'd see it get all shifty-eyed and you'd know it's time for a new monkey.
OchrisO
01-09-2008, 05:59 AM
Monkeys can be pretty sly about their plots.
You see this monkey?
http://www.codelphia.com/lali/06Nov20-monkeywithtoybird.jpg
A mere 37 seconds after this picture was taken, this monkey killed 3 children and severely injured one adult. It was said that the monkey then grabbed a marker and a posterboard and wrote "I fucking HATE stuffed ducks, you douchebags." However, this posterboard was never found, and that seems like a pretty shitty reason to kill a bunch of people, so that part might just be made up.
And this monkey?
http://www.allykatzz.com/pictures/16/113716.jpg
This monkey hates Jews. It has no reason at all to hate Jews. It was raised by a very nice Jewish lady who gave it all the food it wanted and even gave it the whole upper floor of a very spacious house to live in. This monkey is just an asshole. Don't let the cute look fool you.
Wuducynn
01-09-2008, 09:38 AM
Monkeys can be pretty sly about their plots.
You see this monkey?
http://www.codelphia.com/lali/06Nov20-monkeywithtoybird.jpg
A mere 37 seconds after this picture was taken, this monkey killed 3 children and severely injured one adult. It was said that the monkey then grabbed a marker and a posterboard and wrote "I fucking HATE stuffed ducks, you douchebags." However, this posterboard was never found, and that seems like a pretty shitty reason to kill a bunch of people, so that part might just be made up.
I egged the monkey on. I'm proud of it too.
Bethany
01-09-2008, 02:27 PM
keeping the spirit of the thread alive, monkeys should be trained to wipe the butts of kids betweens the ages of 3 and 9.
ZoNeSeeK
01-09-2008, 04:18 PM
and then eat the shit-covered tissue paper
monkeys need to empty my ashtray
OchrisO
01-09-2008, 05:29 PM
A monkey would dump the ashes into water and let it sit until it turns into lye, then it would dash it on your face while you were sleeping.
fernandito
01-09-2008, 05:33 PM
I'm surprised that there hasn't been a monkey-spanking joke yet.
ZoNeSeeK
01-09-2008, 07:02 PM
i would teach my monkey the fine art of thai massage
OchrisO
01-10-2008, 12:25 AM
YouTube - The State - The Barry Lutz Show (Monkey Torture)
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