Black: A Descent into Madness.

[Yaksha]

This is the first chapter of a story I am working on. I have had this idea in my head for years about a character slowly driven insane by the loss of a loved one. I welcome any comments yall might have on it good or bad. This is my first story I have written since high school so please bear with me.

[Yaksha]

Black



By Shawn Cannon







“Maybe then I’ll fade away and I’ll have to face the facts. It’s not easy facing up when your whole world is black”
Rolling Stones


“They say the mind bends and twists to deal with the horrors of life... Sometimes it snaps in two.”







It’s been so long since I was normal I am having trouble remembering my old life. Who I was. All that I have left are my shattered memories and nightmares about my ordeal. But one thing remains burning bright in my mind. My beloved Maria. Her voice, her face, they bring me both peace and pain.

My name is Alex and this is my story.






Chapter 1.

First thing you should know, my life before meeting Maria sucked. I was a failed author and poet. No one wanted to read the two novels I wrote nor the 23 poems I have tried repeatedly to get published. Writers block had crippled any attempts to write anything else. No one believed in me or even cared that I was alive. I had no family beside my dad and he might as well have been dead. If I had never went to the party with my agent my life might have gone down a different path. I might have killed myself in depression. But I did. And that is where I met her.

Maria. She was beautiful. Stunning. When she spoke, her voice was soft, but melodic. Like she could be singing every syllable. And her smile could light up the room, and make you feel like you could fly. What she saw in me, I can not even begin to guess. We talked throughout the entire party and set up a date for the following week.

The date went very well and we started to see each other. After 6 months, I knew she was the one and I asked her to marry me on our 6 month anniversary. To my surprise she said yes.

We were married in a small affair in the church she had gone to since she was a small girl. My whole life changed. My writers block lifted and I started writing again. The publishers loved my new book and published it. Within a month it was on the New York Times Bestseller list. I became a very successful writer releasing three books in three years. I was happy. Maria and I were deeply in love and trying to have kids. I had everything I ever wanted. I should have known it would not last.

It happened on our 4 year anniversary. I had just come back from a book signing tour. My Maria had called to reveal to me that she was pregnant. No man was ever happier than I was as I walked in to the house I shared with my wife. Which is why I think no man was more shattered than what I saw there.

She was laying on the kitchen table in a pool of blood. I rushed to her dialing 911 as I did. I don’t remember what I said. I don’t remember the ambulance coming or the police asking me questions. All I remember is holding her crying her name over and over again begging her to wake up. I found out later that whoever killed her had stabbed her over 37 times before slitting her throat. The police put it down as a break in gone terribly wrong. I didn’t speak for over a week. I was catatonic. Lying in a hospital bed just staring at a wall. I don’t even remember her funeral. The only clear memory I have is slitting my wrists with a scalpel 2 days after her funeral.

Of course, being in a hospital I didn’t die. The doctors would not let me die. Instead I was sent to Emerald Grove Psychiatric Hospital. They say I did nothing but repeat her name over and over again for over 3 months. I don’t remember any of it besides the nightmares. Every night I was back in that house staring at her mutilated body. I woke screaming her name. She never came back. I could not remember the good memories I had of her only the bad. Her throat slashed. Her face as she lay there contorted in agony.

Depression became a part of me. Every waking moment was torture because I could see her face when I closed my eyes or I heard her voice in my head. I only wanted to pain to end. Instead, I would soon come to realize, my pain had only begun. For there were worst things in this world than my own tortured soul. And they lived inside the darkness of the world ready to come out at a moments notice. My descent into this darkness started 2 days ago. And that is where my story truly begins.

[Heather19]

I like it! Can't wait to read more :)

[Yaksha]

Chapter 2

The start of everything was the voices. I know that sounds cliche. And stupid. But, what can I say. Truth is stranger than fiction. There were two. One was a male voice. Let's call him Harvey. Harvey talked sense and reason. And for some reason was British. And kinda sounded like Michael Caine. Very unusual, considering I am from Arkansas but hey, psychosis. Harvey wanted me to realize that I was not insane, but my mind was just having trouble coping with the fact that my wife and unborn child was dead. I needed to let go of my memories of the last moment I saw her and focus on all the positive memories from the past. He was very postive about everything. He said I should work hard to become better. Of course since I was hearing his voice in my head, the argument was invalid. I was crazy. I was hearing fucking voices.

The second voice was even weirder. It was a girl. A child. I started calling her Dawn. I don't know why, her voice sounded like a Dawn. She also sounded about 12 or 13 years old. Figure that out. Or don't. She was negative. Very negative. According to her, I was nuttier than Mr. Planter. Irredeemable. Wasting space, time, and energy since I obviously did not want to get better just wallow in memories of the past. I should probably just kill myself and save everyone the trouble. I hated the smug bitch. I tried to ignore them both, but it is very hard to ignore two competing voices in my head. They argued back and forth. Endlessly. First I ignored them. Then I started talking to them. Which led to me arguing with myself. Which led to this.

"Kill yourself." Dawn spoke so sweetly. "Don't let goody goody here tell you different. Your not getting better. Hell, this woman is feeding you and you don't even realize it."

Oh. Nurse Ratchet, (not her real name just what I called every nurse in this place) was feeding me. Carrots. I really hate carrots. I mean the taste, the smell, how the skin gets stuck in your teeth. And it's suppose to improve your eyesight? Bullshit. Lies our parents tell us. Like your face will get stuck like that. You'll go blind. The stork brings babies. There is nothing under your bed. People are inherently good. You can be President of the United States. Or go into space. Easter Bunny. Santa Claus. The Boogeyman. Gremlins. There's no such thing as monsters. That last one was real bullshit. Monsters exist. I think. Wait where was I?

Harvey chuckled. "This again? He won't kill himself. That's a mortal sin. He'll go to hell. He is a Catholic you know that."

"Smooth, suave British man had a point." I countered. Great now I am agreeing with the voice in my head. " Nurse Ratchet? Stop feeding me carrots!" She gave me this weird look, shrugged and walked out. Oh, my hands are bound at night. Apparently I am a suicide risk. Fail to kill yourself once and they never let it go. Seriously that was months ago. I won't kill myself. Maybe.

"Yeah because God is really giving a damn about what is happening in your life Alex. Wife dead, child dead, nuttier than a Payday bar. Real good looking out God." I saw shimmering in the room.

"Well, she did have a point. Unless this is a test of faith like that guy from the bible. The one who had everything taken away by God just to prove a point to the Devil. What was his name? Come on help me out you two." More shimmering. Light. Like sunlight glistening off a crystal. It was weird.

"Job." Harvey smiled and....wait. Smiled.

"What the....I can see you Harvey." He looked at me looking dumbstruck. He was tall and wearing a dark blue suit. Very sophisticated. I glanced over. Dawn shimmered into sight. Short, with a white dress and red hair.

"What, you can?" He straightened his tie. and smiled wider. He had very white teeth. Too white. Shockingly white.

"Why are you wearing a suit? And hey, you look like the 1970's version of Michael Caine. From The Man Who Would Be King. And Dawn you look like......a 13 year old Sissy Spacek. Why does that fill me with dread. Your not going to start chucking shit at me telepathically are you?" And she started to laugh. Creepy. Real creepy. I swear if she starts riding a tricycle or spawns into twins I am gonna lose my shit completely.

"Because you want me to look like Carrie, just like you want goody goody to look like Michael Caine. My point is proven. You are losing the last grip of reality. Now, you can see your imaginary friends. Next thing you know you'll be coo coo for Cocoa Puffs entirely. Just drooling in a corner while some nurse wipes your face. Easier to just kill yourself and get it over with." Did I mention she brought the killing myself thing up a lot. Oh and she sings while I am trying to sleep. You know how hard it is to sleep when a 13 year old girl is singing at the top of her lungs? Think Ghost, but way more annoying.

I argued with them for another couple of hours and then they vanished. They do that. It's the only time I have peace. So I do what I always do when they are gone. Sleep. Dream. Sleep.........Maria.......Remember this moment. This is the last quasi normal thing in this story. Everything coming up. Well there is a word for it. Hell. Pure hell. I slept the entire night. When i went to sleep the world was like it always is. Normal. Well, for other people. When I awoke, well that's when things got a little more, stranger.

[Jean]

is there any chance you will finish it in the foreseeable future? bears want to read the whole thing

[Yaksha]

Now that I have way more free time on my hands definitely.

[RainInSpain]

Totally agree with bears :) Can't wait to read the rest of the story.

[Yaksha]

Chapter 3

I was strapped on a table bound by my wrists and ankles. I struggled as hard as I could, but I was trapped. Looking around I saw a doctor in scrubs standing by a tray filled by surgery instruments. He was wearing a mask over his face but I could tell her was smiling at me. He patted my hand gently and spoke softly. "Don't worry. You will be fine after your treatment. All you need is a treatment." I struggled as he picked up a nasty looking scalpel from the tray and caressed it softly. The Doctor looked at someone behind me that I could not see properly. I think it was a nurse because all I could see was white. The sounds of someone walking grew louder. "Restrain his mouth."

A dark brown piece of leather came into view. The nurse I couldn't see strapped this horrific piece of leather across my mouth. It smelled of blood and mildew. The Nurse came into view but, her face was hidden by a veil. It was that moment when I realized I didn't want to see her face. I must not see her face. Seeing her face would be beyond bad. She took out a rag and began swabbing my stomach with alcohol. My fear suddenly tripled. I started thrashing as hard as I could but to no avail. I was strapped in too tight. Yelling didn't help because of the strap on my mouth. "Nurse hold him while i begin the treatment." The Nurse put surprisingly strong hands on my shoulders, pinning me to the table. The Doctor turned from his instruments and glanced down at my face. "Now we can begin." The scalpel lowered.

The scalpel cut into my stomach and my world went red. I screamed. And screamed. And screamed. It didn't matter. I couldn't move, couldn't think. Everything was just pain and blood. And the whole time the Doctor spoke in a soft loving voice. Telling me the treatment was necessary, it would help me get better. I kept pleading for them to stop, but it did no good. The leather strap muffled everything I said. He kept cutting, taking his time as he did. I looked at the Nurse for help, but she just shook her head. The cutting continued as I screamed till my throat was reduced into ribbons. It was at that moment that the Nurse removed her veil and looked down at me. I saw her face and screamed.............

I sat up straight in the bed screaming as I came awake. Lifting my shirt up to look at my stomach which was in one piece calmed me down. "It was just a nightmare. There's nothing wrong with me. Nothing wrong with me." I was breathing hard as if I had just ran a marathon. My throat was raw, and I sweating up a storm, but I seemed to be in one piece. I shook my head trying to clear the images from my head but they stayed in there. the Doctor, the cutting, the pain. Except for the face. I could not remember the Nurse's face and why it filled me with so much dread. Her face terrified more than the prospect of the Doctor's continuing "treatment." "I'm okay." It was then I heard chuckling.

"Not quite okay crazy boy." Great. Mrs. Negativity was back. She was sitting at the foot of my bed eating an apple. Yep, I could still see her. I must be getting worse if I could continue to see my voices. And how can Dawn make eating an apple look disconcerting. Creepy even.

"Don't listen to her Alex. Your fine. But, you need to get out of bed. The situation you find yourself in has changed." Harvey was standing by the door all dramatically. He wasn't smiling either. In fact he looked worried. How can an imaginary person be worried? I don't think a hallucination has anything to be worried about. It's not liked he was real.

"Harvey, I'm strapped to a bed in case you have forgotten. How in the hell do you expect me to get out of bed?"

Dawn started laughing again. Did I mention she is really creepy when she does that. Cause she is. "Snickers bar over here is wacked out to even realize that he is not even strapped in anymore. Your sitting up. The restraints are gone." Well would you look at that. My hands and feet were free. I looked around my room and then I started to really see the weirdness of the room. It was dark. Too dark. My light was on, but darkness filled the room like a giant shadow. Darkness bubbled and boiled like a living thing, swirling around the room. I hopped out of bed and rubbed my eyes. Nope, still there. The room was different too. It was, decayed. Old. Like it had been abandoned for 20 years without a janitor to clean up. And my door was open. My door was never open. It made me too nervous to see people walking by all day and night. Dawn finished her apple and threw it to the floor. Where it vanished. Well, I stopped seeing an imaginary apple. Progress.

Harvey pulled a fob watch out of his pocket and checked the time. "Alex, you really need to be moving on. This place is no longer safe. You need to leave this room before something comes." He still looked nervous. Almost frightened even. looking over at Dawn, she nodded her head and moved towards the door. They were agreeing with each other. Okay, I was starting to get a little worried here. I walked to the door and put my hand on the doorknob. Every instinct in my body told to me to just lay back in bed and go to sleep. This was all a psychotic break and if I went to sleep, when I woke up, everything would be fine. But, I didn't want to go back to sleep. I knew if I did I would be back on that table with the scalpel and her face. Why couldn't I remember her face? Damn it all to hell. Turning the doorknob, I opened the door and stepped through.

[Jean]

when it's completed, I'll put it in my Kindle and will read as I would a regular book. I think reading novels as forum posts subtracts from them substantially.

[Yaksha]

Yeah I am writing a chapter a day almost. I will post a couple chapters instead of just one next

[Yaksha]

It's been awhile since I posted anything so here is an update. My computer crashed and I lost the majority of what I had written. That pissed me off to the point that I have not even wanted to think about this story for a while. With my computer seriously out of commission, when I get a new one is when I will finish the story. Which considering I'm broke as all hell may be a while. Sorry

[Merlin1958]

You should consider making a submission here...


http://www.thedarktower.org/palaver/showthread.php?17522-In-Mint-Condition-2014

You may very well become a "published" author!!!

CC does have its benefits occasionally!!! LOL

[Jean]

It's been awhile since I posted anything so here is an update. My computer crashed and I lost the majority of what I had written. That pissed me off to the point that I have not even wanted to think about this story for a while. With my computer seriously out of commission, when I get a new one is when I will finish the story. Which considering I'm broke as all hell may be a while. Sorry
oh shit! goodmind to you, hope it will somehow work out in the foreseeable future! I really really want to read this when it is finished.