Shawn
01-24-2012, 07:55 AM
The Beast Of Panic (Shawn Loyd)
The wave crashed and made a loud sound which echoed…
You couldn’t see where the high water mark used to be.
The flow was steady and rapid. I became suddenly frightened
by my on breathing, which had rapidly increased. The amount of pressure that gripped my chest was almost overwhelming, but I had felt this way before….a million times over the 26 short years of my life. Fear panic disorder chaos. Take hold I said to myself the ship has capsized, but my on reasoning was falling short. I started shouting profanity at whatever beast of panic that caused this pain and by the time I got down to the worse of my curses my veins filled with what felt like sulfuric acid and I burned for violence against this beast. My hands began to swing wildly at the beast inside my head. Convinced it was alive and trying to kill me. I never stuck myself but then I searched for weponds.This damn beast will not take me I said I shuddered at the thought .If I lose it now how can I ever make it out alive or sane for that matter. The loose cannon theory is keeping me from a case of choking on myself or what me and my friends refer to the gag-ems (get it out of there boy)I must kill the panic beast but before I can get my hands around its preverbal neck it disappears only to be hiding laughing waiting.
Chapter 2
My Marlboro burned in the ash tray beside my bed. My mouth to dry to smoke it but just the smell of it jolts me back into semi reality. I will smoke another soon in a few minutes. My sugar level is running high and I have taken the max amount of my diabetic meds for the day. I think to myself maybe I should have some brain medicine hmmm but what a waste if it should bring sleep,night, and life, in horror and fear.
Chapter 3
I have thoughts of beer maybe heniken or some other import I am very partial to drinking –ha! That’s a understatment.I react
Differrent to alcohol not like your average drunk human being I am stuggling with the evil stuff as we speak. A thought of good scotch or irish whiskey makes a smile break out on my face like teenage acne. Hmmm but only last long enough to remember how bad it will make me feel later or the emmbarrament of blacking out making a total fool of myself I am glad my fride is bare of booze my head hurts but ill make it I know.Now we have the basics lets get to the real story.
I sometimes try to take it to the limit not in a normal way with exciting things or sex booze but ive been there bubba.The youth of today or products of there parents use of alcohol and or drugs.If not there is great infulence from someone in their lives.I was born in the very early 80s the culture of scarface cocaine and qaludes.have you ever found yourself wodering what went wrong for you to be a screwup and it all really comes back to what you have done o yeah we could blame it on all sorts of things.Money is a great issue today as a adult employment or the lack there of.Here we go now so grab hold of something.
Chapeter 3 (real)
Lost in thought I grab up my cigarette holder and wonder why I don’t sleep well at night anymore.It all starts back at a young age I remember the smell of weed coming from my moms room
I knew the smell by then but had no idea of what it truly was and without getting into boring details I will tell ya I started to kinda like the smell but what I hated was the fact that is not all
That was being consumed in that room or any other place by her and her crew.Free based coke speed pills downers all that
I was a mule for my mom when I was just a baby I heard the stories later about how my dipar used to be filled with all sorts of drugs to smuggle past are rag tag p.o.s. law enforcement hell
It was the 80s everybody was doing coke from what I can rememeber.You can look back and tell easliy even if you werent from that time listen to the music and the style weird times man weird.the part of me that was really struck was a memory of being left out in a car while my mom went into some dump of a motel.I was in the car for at least 2 hours before I freak and laid in on the horn.A man came out who I didn’t know so I didn’t open the car door.He got in anyways and took me into the room beat my moms ass for leaving me out there (like he really cared)She was passed out on ludes or something a open bottle of wild turkey or some kind of whiskey was on the table and I remember having the thought that the man was mad because I honked the horn god knows what all he was on.
He started to try to be friendly to me but then did a strage thing and asked if I wanted to have a drink of the whiskey and coca cola I had no idea I just knew it made people act stupid and drunk yeah even then I kinda knew what it was so I said no.
He gave it me anyhow in my sippy cup I found out later. So
Yeah I was drunk at age 4 hmm,Well that’s just a great piece of my history right? Fast forward to when I was about 11 my mom gave me a whole glass of alize and a few valiums and told me have fun I remind you I was 10 hmmm I drank the stuff it tasted like o.j. that burned my throat .about 20 min later I was passed out having dreams of being on mtv…ha Here and now my epic fear of panic and chaos. Alot of names will be in here and some not… to protect the innocent and to hell with guilty the truly
Guity
In some semi realality I can see me being a better person because of what I have been through I don’t advocate this but hey if its not broke don’t fix it.I am broke but I am a big boy now so I will make it bubba.You ever been hit so hard that you shake your head yes and noone has asked you anything? Welcome to my world full of fun like clowns in that little car they just keep coming out when will it stop lord.
Keep your eyes on the road your hands on the wheel we gonna roll
The wave crashed and made a loud sound which echoed…
You couldn’t see where the high water mark used to be.
The flow was steady and rapid. I became suddenly frightened
by my on breathing, which had rapidly increased. The amount of pressure that gripped my chest was almost overwhelming, but I had felt this way before….a million times over the 26 short years of my life. Fear panic disorder chaos. Take hold I said to myself the ship has capsized, but my on reasoning was falling short. I started shouting profanity at whatever beast of panic that caused this pain and by the time I got down to the worse of my curses my veins filled with what felt like sulfuric acid and I burned for violence against this beast. My hands began to swing wildly at the beast inside my head. Convinced it was alive and trying to kill me. I never stuck myself but then I searched for weponds.This damn beast will not take me I said I shuddered at the thought .If I lose it now how can I ever make it out alive or sane for that matter. The loose cannon theory is keeping me from a case of choking on myself or what me and my friends refer to the gag-ems (get it out of there boy)I must kill the panic beast but before I can get my hands around its preverbal neck it disappears only to be hiding laughing waiting.
Chapter 2
My Marlboro burned in the ash tray beside my bed. My mouth to dry to smoke it but just the smell of it jolts me back into semi reality. I will smoke another soon in a few minutes. My sugar level is running high and I have taken the max amount of my diabetic meds for the day. I think to myself maybe I should have some brain medicine hmmm but what a waste if it should bring sleep,night, and life, in horror and fear.
Chapter 3
I have thoughts of beer maybe heniken or some other import I am very partial to drinking –ha! That’s a understatment.I react
Differrent to alcohol not like your average drunk human being I am stuggling with the evil stuff as we speak. A thought of good scotch or irish whiskey makes a smile break out on my face like teenage acne. Hmmm but only last long enough to remember how bad it will make me feel later or the emmbarrament of blacking out making a total fool of myself I am glad my fride is bare of booze my head hurts but ill make it I know.Now we have the basics lets get to the real story.
I sometimes try to take it to the limit not in a normal way with exciting things or sex booze but ive been there bubba.The youth of today or products of there parents use of alcohol and or drugs.If not there is great infulence from someone in their lives.I was born in the very early 80s the culture of scarface cocaine and qaludes.have you ever found yourself wodering what went wrong for you to be a screwup and it all really comes back to what you have done o yeah we could blame it on all sorts of things.Money is a great issue today as a adult employment or the lack there of.Here we go now so grab hold of something.
Chapeter 3 (real)
Lost in thought I grab up my cigarette holder and wonder why I don’t sleep well at night anymore.It all starts back at a young age I remember the smell of weed coming from my moms room
I knew the smell by then but had no idea of what it truly was and without getting into boring details I will tell ya I started to kinda like the smell but what I hated was the fact that is not all
That was being consumed in that room or any other place by her and her crew.Free based coke speed pills downers all that
I was a mule for my mom when I was just a baby I heard the stories later about how my dipar used to be filled with all sorts of drugs to smuggle past are rag tag p.o.s. law enforcement hell
It was the 80s everybody was doing coke from what I can rememeber.You can look back and tell easliy even if you werent from that time listen to the music and the style weird times man weird.the part of me that was really struck was a memory of being left out in a car while my mom went into some dump of a motel.I was in the car for at least 2 hours before I freak and laid in on the horn.A man came out who I didn’t know so I didn’t open the car door.He got in anyways and took me into the room beat my moms ass for leaving me out there (like he really cared)She was passed out on ludes or something a open bottle of wild turkey or some kind of whiskey was on the table and I remember having the thought that the man was mad because I honked the horn god knows what all he was on.
He started to try to be friendly to me but then did a strage thing and asked if I wanted to have a drink of the whiskey and coca cola I had no idea I just knew it made people act stupid and drunk yeah even then I kinda knew what it was so I said no.
He gave it me anyhow in my sippy cup I found out later. So
Yeah I was drunk at age 4 hmm,Well that’s just a great piece of my history right? Fast forward to when I was about 11 my mom gave me a whole glass of alize and a few valiums and told me have fun I remind you I was 10 hmmm I drank the stuff it tasted like o.j. that burned my throat .about 20 min later I was passed out having dreams of being on mtv…ha Here and now my epic fear of panic and chaos. Alot of names will be in here and some not… to protect the innocent and to hell with guilty the truly
Guity
In some semi realality I can see me being a better person because of what I have been through I don’t advocate this but hey if its not broke don’t fix it.I am broke but I am a big boy now so I will make it bubba.You ever been hit so hard that you shake your head yes and noone has asked you anything? Welcome to my world full of fun like clowns in that little car they just keep coming out when will it stop lord.
Keep your eyes on the road your hands on the wheel we gonna roll